On the way home from church a couple of hours ago, the radio DJ talked about the parenting challenges of getting kids ready in the morning, particularly families who go to church on Sunday.

She said it’s natural for the parent to get frustrated with their “uncooperative” child and ask, “Why are they giving me a hard time?” She suggested parents reframe both their minds and the situation by saying, “They aren’t giving me a hard time; they are having a hard time.”

Guess what? This isn’t only about parent child relationships. This seems to apply to a vast number of relationships.

The “giving me a hard time” framework easily leads to frustration, arguments, harsh and regretful words, anger, and potentially complete breakdown. Then comes the work, if chosen, of forgiveness.

When I consider society’s landscape, it’s in need of mounds of forgiveness. Ideally, parties in any conflict would reach this conclusion together and pursue it. From my experience, that’s not a realistic expectation. If I’m desiring forgiveness to start, I have to take the lead.

I’ve been in awe for years of Jesus’ words when he was dying, “Forgive them. They know not what they do.” In this line of thinking recently, I’ve found it useful to reframe that prayer to something like, “Forgive them. They don’t know who they are.”

Those words are not from an elitist, judging, or dismissing wrongdoing view. I believe many people who are hurting others are doing so while they are trying to answer their own questions. Often in blindness. Often in the comfort of what they know. Often in ways that seem right, based on an unchallenged view of themselves and their world.

Like the parent who has to find a way to church with a hurting child in tow, I have to find a way to be present with those who don’t know who they are. Why? I am one of them. I continue to realize how I didn’t know who I was in relationship to others, even in the last year. And many of them forgave me, often without me knowing it.

The power of forgiveness seems immeasurable. I’m working on giving it as much as I’ve received it. Especially to those having a hard time. They’re figuring out who they are.