These may be reminders. They may be challengers. They are descriptors John Sowers wrote to his daughters about what it means to be a friend.
(Chapter 21, Say All the Unspoken Things)
Photo by Rene Bernal on Unsplash
Did something a few weeks ago that I haven’t done in a while. Went to an actual bookstore. It was for work, but how does a reader go in a bookstore and not make a personal purchase?
So on my running trip two weeks ago, one of the books made the trip. I’m 15 chapters in.
Chapter 14 is entitled “Whispers.” This paragraph starter got my attention:
There is a verse in Psalms that says, “God whispers to those who trust him.”
Made me want to look it up. Couldn’t find it. Then I checked the chapter notes.
Psalm 25:14, author’s paraphrase
I respect that.
Next I opened my Bible app to compare various translations of this verse. Here are three that come close to Sowers’ paraphrase:
Chapter 14 is in Part 4 of the book entitled “Becoming.” These verses’ images encourage me to be becoming.
Following my last post, everyone lives in a perpetual state of not knowing what they don’t know. Inside of that bubble comes moments when we learn something we’d rather not know. Is it just me, or do those things make you wish you could unlearn them? And, doesn’t it seem like it’s happening more and more, almost daily?
Seven chapters later in Joshua, I’m guessing Caleb could relate with these two questions. His conversation with Joshua was 45 years after learning something very costly. It cost many men he knew their lives. Caleb was promised he wasn’t included in that result, yet he lived with knowing so much that I imagine he struggled knowing.
Knowledge brings choices. I prefer that thought over the thought that knowledge is power. Both can be true; but looking through Caleb’s 45-year hindsight, I lean toward his model of making righteous choices versus abusing bestowed power with his knowledge.
CHOICE #1: Knowledge doesn’t make you king.
Caleb may have been tempted to envy Joshua or to disrespect his predecessor, Moses. He didn’t, I believe, because he made the choice not to pursue a physical position of authority just like he didn’t assume one in his spiritual life. Caleb was not the king of his life. His choice led him down a long, hard, unchosen path resulting in generational blessings no other man with his knowledge received.
CHOICE #2: Knowledge doesn’t dictate direction.
Realistically, Caleb could have taking a direction in an attempt to act on what he knew. Yet, year after year after year, he chose to submit to a direction that must have seemed avoidable and sorrowful. What kept that choice in tact was a promise, a promise that sustained and grew his strength around each turn to his final destination.
CHOICE #3: Knowledge does offer servanthood.
Another guess I have about Caleb is that he viewed life as a gift. Life didn’t owe him. It didn’t owe him power or guarantee him ease. This view of life molded him into a servant. He allowed it. He welcomed it. He embraced it. That’s why 45 years later he reaped a servant’s reward.
When we know what we don’t want to know, may be all be drawn to Caleb’s choices. For the long haul. For everyone’s future. For the promised land. For the Promise Keeper.
Photo by Caleb Jones on Unsplash
One of the more liberating understandings I came to appreciate years ago was that there are times I don’t know what I don’t know. Well, maybe at first it wasn’t liberating. Probably more frustrating…until grace stepped in.
This came to mind recently when I read Joshua 7. Talk about a frustrated leader. Joshua was deep in it. Here’s how he voiced it to God:
7 Then Joshua said, “Oh no, Lord God! Why did you ever bring this people across the Jordan? Was it to hand us over to the power of the Amorites, to destroy us? If only we had been prepared to live on the other side of the Jordan! 8 Please forgive me, Lord. What can I say now that Israel has retreated before its enemies? 9 The Canaanites and the whole population of the land will hear of it. They will surround us and make our name disappear from the earth. What will you do about your great name then?”
In this moment, Joshua had no idea what Achan had done. In all reality, it’s possible he didn’t even know Achan. Think about it. A man he may not have known was the reason behind his questioning, pleading, and speculating. Joshua didn’t know what he didn’t know.
These type of scenarios can be an opportunity to hit pause. Before finger pointing at God or spraying the mirror with the “why’s, what are you doing’s, or what will happen’s,” some additional questions are available that usher in curiosity and temper impatience.
Those kind of questions change prayers, create stillness, and offer a seat beside restorative waters. When and if I need to know what I don’t know, it will come. This is a moment for grace…and there’s plenty available.
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The last two books I’ve read have been authored by Colby Martin, a progressive pastor in California. I’m not going to do a review or respond to his writings except for one observation.
I finished The Shift today. Some who will follow that link may wonder, “Why would you read that book, John?” Here’s a quote giving a hint:
Listening helps us understand, understanding leads to compassion, and compassion opens the way for love. Suddenly, we see others not as our enemies, not as people out to get us, but as people for whom we do not desire suffering. We now feel a longing for their well-being in the same way we hope for our own. We may still not like what they’re saying, and it may still be appropriate to push back, but now you’re engaging in the conversation from a place of love, and that changes everything.
-Chapter “When Progressives Attack”
In this next-to-last chapter, Martin addresses the issue of when progressive Christians attack each other. I already respected him before this chapter; this chapter elevated my respect. Martin isn’t trying to create a war. In fact, he’s challenging those within his ranks to move away from that posture.
I was reminded of reading Senator Ben Sasse’s book Them. Sasse drove home the point, five years ago now, that the challenge in America is we take sides and make enemies of those on the other side.
I’m thankful for leaders who are countercultural in modeling and challenging us to listen to help us understand to grow our compassion to open ourselves in the ways of love.
Monday night I had a conversation on my mind that was going to begin my Tuesday. I asked myself, “How do I want to show up?” And one of the Beatitudes was the answer.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.
Matthew 5:9
Then I wondered if I could find a song based on this verse that had relatable lyrics to this anticipated conversation. In my music search, I found it. Not only that, it was reggae, which I enjoy. Check out this YouTube video of the recording.
“Hold your peace and let love reign.”
(Written by Mark Stanifer, SightShift Certified Coach and founder of Dare2LiveCoaching.com)
You’ll recall from Parts 1-2 of this series that the question being explored is this: “What questions must be answered to ensure your public persona matches your behind-the-curtain private one?” There is one more question a leader must wrestle with in order to ensure alignment between public and private personas.
Let’s return to the account of Jesus in the wilderness and explore the final test.
Avoid or Sacrifice
In the third test Jesus faced, the tempter changed tactics a bit. In the previous two, Jesus’ answer came from the truth found in the sacred scrolls. For this third test, the enemy began with words Jesus would have been familiar with from Psalm 91. Again, we must understand that while Jesus was the Christ, he was also a human. A human that was destined for a difficult ministry path and a brutal death. A daunting mission if there ever was one.
One can debate how much Jesus knew of the path that lay ahead of him. What is clear is that he understood his mission and the sacrifice it would require. As a leader, you are not asked to make the same sacrifice that Jesus was. Still, pursuing your becoming and your mission will require sacrifice. The temptation in this third test is for a shortcut, a way around the difficulty and an easier path to success.
The third question to ask is this: Where am I trying to avoid the sacrifice and take a shortcut?
Have you ever had this thought, “If this is what God really wanted, why isn’t it easier?” Or maybe for you it sounds like, “If I can just speed things up the impact will be greater.”
The way the story was written in Luke 4 gives no indication to the time between question and answer. It also does not describe what thoughts Jesus may have had prior to this about the sacrifice that lay ahead. It does not take speculation, though, to conclude that this test was a targeted attack on what the enemy perceived as a point of vulnerability. Why else would he go there?
It’s a point of vulnerability for leaders as well. The easier road, the safer path, the shortcut around the struggle, what leader isn’t tempted to consider that? Still, personal experience and the stories of others confirm for that process really is the “shortcut.” Meaning, attempts to find a way around the challenge or the sacrifice don’t lead to better results faster. Only lesser results more quickly and missed opportunities to pass the test and be refined in the process. Jesus showed the way, and the way is through it.
Pubic and Private Persona
What did Driscoll, Hybels, and Zacharias have in common? Among other things, they failed to stay consistent in asking these three questions to help pass the tests they faced as leaders:
1. Where am I trying to take for me rather than give for others?
2. Where am I compromising, rather than committed to, my values?
3. Where am I trying to avoid the sacrifice and take a shortcut?
Jesus’ example wasn’t just a divinely perfect man disconnected from his humanity. For him to be what the Father intended, he needed to know the full human experience. In so doing, he showed the way, including the way to ensure that the behind the curtain leader is the same as the one in front of it. The strength and resolve that Jesus displayed came from a grounded understanding of his identity and a clear vision of his mission. That same strength and resolve is available to all leaders by following the same process. Receiving from the Father a grounded sense of identity and allowing that to compel one consistently forward in the mission He has for us.
It seems fitting here to allow James the last word: “Consider it great joy, my brothers, whenever you experience various trials, knowing that the [refining] of your faith produces endurance. But endurance must do its complete work, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing.” James 1:2-4 (emphasis added)
Photo by Possessed Photography on Unsplash
(Written by Mark Stanifer, SightShift Certified Coach and founder of Dare2LiveCoaching.com)
You’ll recall from Part 1 of this series that the question being explored is this: “What questions must be answered to ensure your public persona matches your behind-the-curtain private one?” The first question that must be asked is, “Where am I trying to take for me rather than give for others?” There are two more questions a leader must wrestle with in order to ensure alignment between public and private personas.
Let’s return to the account of Jesus in the wilderness and explore the second test.
~~~~
Compromise or Commit
The second test Jesus faced went straight to his values. The tempter was inviting him to compromise. Testing if he would stay committed. Yet Jesus, as our leader example, modeled what his ultimate value was in the way he responded to this second test.
None of us will face stakes as high as what Jesus faced in this test. The tempter was offering him the kingdom of earth. Now, we know the enemy’s pattern from the early pages of the Bible. It is to cast doubt on the authority and trustworthiness of God, to undermine Him and his creation. We should not presume that Jesus wasn’t affected by his offer. The enemy knows how to exploit our humanness.
The second question a leader can ask is this: Where am I compromising, rather than committed to, my values?
It may be helpful here for you to think of values in this way: centered on God and committed to becoming who He made you to be.
The offer Jesus was given was the antithesis to those values: substitute something other than God as the center and deviate from the path of becoming the best and fullest expression of himself. Understanding his test in this light makes it directly relatable to the tests (the refining) that leaders face. How are you answering that question, in the things that seem insignificant and in the things where the significance is great?
You may read that last statement and feel the pressure to double down striving to be good in all things. The intent here is not to heap perfectionistic pressure on you and make the striving any heavier to bear. Relax and let Father’s refining do its good work. Or you may discount the insignificant and focus only on the big things. Recognize, however, that big things always start off as little ones. For you, the growth opportunity is to notice the smaller testing moments and stay committed vs compromising. In both cases, God’s process is refining you to be “mature and complete, lacking nothing.” (James 1:4)
Photo by Mark Duffel on Unsplash
(Post #3 tomorrow)
(Written by Mark Stanifer, SightShift Certified Coach and founder of Dare2LiveCoaching.com)
“What questions must be answered to ensure your public persona matches your behind-the-curtain private one?”
John posed that question to me recently. While he didn’t elaborate on where it came from, knowing John there was an experience that led to him asking himself that question first. And then he followed his curiosity, wondering how others would answer it. In this article, I approach the question from a leadership lens. But, in truth, what follows applies to anyone who wants to fully be who they were created to be.
In thinking about that question, I couldn’t help but consider some very public and horrendous examples of where leaders displayed public personas that were very different than the one behind the curtain. Mark Driscoll, Bill Hybels and Ravi Zacharias come to mind immediately. Despite any positive impact these leaders had, it is now obvious that what was behind the curtain did not match the image on public display.
These are just three negative examples. The splashy and traumatic ones that make the news. There are countless others, as well as countless examples of where the public and private personas did match. Although they don’t make the news, no doubt you’ve experienced both.
So what makes the difference? What are the ingredients that lead to congruency in the personas of some and not others? What can we draw from the failures, and not just the epic and public ones, that will help us avoid similar outcomes? I’m going to borrow a line from C.S. Lewis’ opening forward to his book, Mere Christianity, here. There are “far more, and more talented, authors already engaged in such matters” as to the numerous differences between leaders who are congruent or not in public and private personas.
Instead, let’s return to the original curiosity of what questions can help lead to congruency for the leader.
The Temptation of Jesus
In Luke 4:1-13, the gospel writer describes the testing of Jesus in the wilderness. The importance of the experience Jesus had immediately before this — his baptism and the Father’s affirmation of Jesus’ identity — cannot be overlooked when considering the wilderness account of chapter 4. Jesus knew who he was and where he was going before facing the test of the wilderness. That was the foundation that allowed him to pass the test.
Yet, in the testing, we see a glimpse of what all leaders face. Jesus, as a man, was subject to the same temptations we face. Paul affirms this in 1 Corinthians 10:13. The Message version says this, “No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face.” Including Jesus.
James 1 also talks about testing and trials and temptation. It’s helpful here to think of these words as describing a process of refining, so we can be “mature and complete, lacking nothing” (v4). In other words, the tests and temptations which life brings are opportunities the Father uses to help us become the fullest and best expression of who He wants us to be.
Although likely obvious, it is worth stating that the congruency of public and private persona to which we’re aspiring in this article is one in which the leader’s example is loving God and loving others. Christ-like. And with Jesus as the example, we find in his wilderness temptation three questions a leader can ask to help pass their own tests. To help keep the visible persona aligned with the behind-the-curtain persona.
Take or Give
The first test Jesus faced came after a 40-day fast. Jesus was hungry. The account in Luke 4:2 says so. It is not true to the text or Jesus’ humanity to believe otherwise. Jesus’ tempter surely understood that; otherwise the first question would have been different. There is no doubt that Jesus desired food. But in that moment, his desire for food was not greater than his desire to be grounded in who he was, who the Father said he was.
The first question a leader can ask is this: Where am I trying to take for me rather than give for others?
Jesus had the authority and the power to do what the tempter was suggesting. He had the desire for food; anyone fasting for only a few meals know that same desire. He had the means. He had the motive. And now had an opportunity. Yet he resisted the temptation. He passed the test and was refined in the process, because he chose not to take for himself.
This isn’t to say that desires should be denied or ignored. Hunger, left unfulfilled, doesn’t give life. Desire is natural, and God ordained. But when desire is not channeled by the grounding of one’s identity it will result in the choice to take rather than give. The consequences of taking for oneself could be small or they could be significant. Think of David and what his desire did to Bathsheba and Uriah and the ripple effect on his kingdom and impact as the leader.
Motive is important here. It’s what makes the difference between cooperating with the testing (refining) process and pushing against it. This first question helps the leader uncover the motive surrounding the desire — Is it for me and my gain or for the benefit of others?
Photo by Tim Marshall on Unsplash
(Series continued tomorrow)
Recently in a class I was facilitating, two references to suicidal ideation were unexpectedly mentioned. The first one was definitely out of nowhere for me and the rest of the class.
The main topic of that night’s class was finding peace in your beliefs. Naturally, the first presenter of three on the night’s program was a pastor. While he was speaking, a participant shared this in the chat (Zoom meeting):
I just want to let you know that you saved my life when I found you on tiktok.
The second reference to the possible loss of life was shared by the second presenter, a church attendee sharing their story in finding a church home. Part of this story included suicide consideration-this after serving on several church staffs, by the way.
After hearing these personal stories from two people who could easily no longer be on earth, a connection crossed my mind. The theme of the class was finding peace. These two had a season where they were searching for peace. In that season of lacking peace, their lives were at risk.
CONNECTION: Lack of peace is life threatening.
I shared that connection with the class and then offered this encouragement to everyone. Whatever you have offering peace to any community (family, neighborhood, work, church, city), your offering saves lives. It’s not only the pastor who brings peace by preaching or aiding someone in securing their personal beliefs. It’s also the teacher who asks the student about the bruise. It’s the law enforcement officer who delivers good news. It’s the grocery shopper who commends the cashier. It’s the neighbor who offers to mow the yard. It’s anyone who takes time to notice and inquires when they sense a lack of peace.
Any effort to bring, restore, support, or provide peace is life saving. For them. For you. For us.
“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called the children of God.”
Matthew 5:9
Child of God, how did you make peace this week? Congratulations! You saved life.
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash
John Gregory 