Devotional

I Gave Up…And It Was Ok

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I’ve found a podcast that’s growing on me. It’s called Everything Happens with Kate Bowler. Check out the link to see what it’s about.

One episode prompted me to think about some things I’ve given up. When we think about giving up, some things we give up are good loses; other things we choose to give up may cause people to question why. The latter is where my mind went. Not that I’m paralyzed by what people think, but I revisited two things I gave up that have often caused people to cock their head with a look of, “I’m not sure that makes sense.”

In 2014, I gave up tennis. Almost to the day ten years ago, I had my second neck surgery giving me three infusions most likely due to a car accident that happened around twenty years ago. What does that have to do with tennis? Both instances when the nerve pain surfaced was either the next day after playing tennis or during a season where I was playing quite a bit of tennis. It can’t be confirmed, but it makes sense to me that the motion of serving and other movements during a tennis match didn’t go well with the disc issues that surfaced. Thus, I gave up tennis. Exercise does include some pain, but being healthy doesn’t have to include self-harm.

In 2001, I gave up being a worship leader as an occupation. It became clear to me after 12 years of music being the basis of my work life that it wasn’t fulfilling. There was something else that was better. I didn’t have the answer, but step one was to give up doing something just because I can. A bigger purpose rose by choosing better over good.

In this vein, my pastor spoke this morning about giving up things in order to live in freedom rather than anxiety. When we are honest with ourselves, we often are quite aware of what’s binding us that we aren’t willing to give up. If you find yourself in this position, let me encourage you with this blessing from Kate Bowler. Each episode I’ve listened to, a blessing is how it ends. In the episode that prompted this post, she ended it with the following words. May they speak life into your soul that it’s okay to give up.

Blessed are you who have reached a new age, even if it doesn’t seem to fit. It may feel too big, too reductive, too limiting. It may be marked by a life you barely recognize. The kids who have all moved out or settled somewhere far away, or they’ve never left. And you’re wondering if you’ll ever get that home office. The work that no longer sets the daily hum. The life partner who is gone. And friends you’ve outlived. The body, which doesn’t allow for the hobbies you loved anymore. The monthly check that doesn’t provide the flexibility you’d hoped for. Wasn’t I young just a second ago? Will I ever recognize the person staring back in the mirror? What’s left to do that really counts? How do I know if I am or ever was enough? God gave us eyes to notice the ways life can still be beautiful and rich and full in the midst of so much that has been lost. Remind us that you are not done with us yet. For the God who spoke us into being calls us even now. Not to an ideal or a role, but to a moment. This one. In a world that equates age with liability, it’s time for a reminder that you are a gift. You give advice. You hold on to family recipes. You remember that thing that happened and honestly, we shouldn’t have forgotten. You think our kids are beautiful, and our bad partners should be soundly dumped. You kept the photo album. You hold our stories. Thank you. Even when the world isn’t paying attention. May you get a glimmer of a reminder that these little things add up to something that is and always will be beautiful.

Photo by Lucas Davies on Unsplash

While I Wait

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In my teens, I developed a bad habit-focusing on the future to the point of missing the present. Unbeknownst to me, I was placing myself into a perpetual place of waiting.

Waiting is a lot like patience. It’s a topic we don’t enjoy. Maybe akin to keeping dentist appointments.

So like scheduling dentist visits, I engage the topic of waiting because it’s good for me. Recently that engagement led me to a YouVersion reading plan by Lincoln Brewster based on his song “While I Wait.”

Brewster writes about three actions that sustain us during waiting: worship, prayer, and service. These actions naturally lead to transformation. It’s possible their power is magnified during waiting.

I takeaway from this 5-day plan the importance of honoring the present. Although aspiring and hoping for the future is healthy, there’s a danger those aspirations and hopes dishonor the present.

If waiting is a topic you’d like to engage, here’s the link to that YouVersion plan and a video of the song: http://bible.com/r/3El

Blessed are the (Reggae) Peacemakers

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Monday night I had a conversation on my mind that was going to begin my Tuesday. I asked myself, “How do I want to show up?” And one of the Beatitudes was the answer.

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.

Matthew 5:9

Then I wondered if I could find a song based on this verse that had relatable lyrics to this anticipated conversation. In my music search, I found it. Not only that, it was reggae, which I enjoy. Check out this YouTube video of the recording.

Artist Osmond Collins

“Hold your peace and let love reign.”

“It’s Why I Keep Coming Back”

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Had a little “aha” moment this afternoon during a conversation.

I was answering this question: “Between all the areas of your life we’ve been discussing, where is your soul being nourished?”

Part of my answer was to say the very space I was in. And then I followed it with, “That’s why I keep coming back.”

Seemed significant. The question and the answer.

The question because I was being asked to identify/name where my soul nourishment is coming from right now. Not in the past. Right now. You might want to sit in that question right now also.

The answer was significant for more than the obvious identified by my coming back. But I also admitted my soul’s nourishment was not coming from any of the suggested places. And that was okay. It was more than okay.

It made me carry the thought further.

  • Where do I keep coming back?
  • Is it soul nourishing?
  • If so, how would I like to attend to that in my routine?
  • If not, how can I eliminate it from my routine?

I encourage you sit with the question and your answer. You might be surprised where you keep coming back.

Photo by Margit Bantowsky on Unsplash

Behind the Curtain: 3 Questions Leaders Must Ask (Post #3)

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(Written by Mark Stanifer, SightShift Certified Coach and founder of Dare2LiveCoaching.com)

You’ll recall from Parts 1-2 of this series that the question being explored is this: “What questions must be answered to ensure your public persona matches your behind-the-curtain private one?” There is one more question a leader must wrestle with in order to ensure alignment between public and private personas.

Let’s return to the account of Jesus in the wilderness and explore the final test.

Avoid or Sacrifice

In the third test Jesus faced, the tempter changed tactics a bit. In the previous two, Jesus’ answer came from the truth found in the sacred scrolls. For this third test, the enemy began with words Jesus would have been familiar with from Psalm 91. Again, we must understand that while Jesus was the Christ, he was also a human. A human that was destined for a difficult ministry path and a brutal death. A daunting mission if there ever was one.

One can debate how much Jesus knew of the path that lay ahead of him. What is clear is that he understood his mission and the sacrifice it would require. As a leader, you are not asked to make the same sacrifice that Jesus was. Still, pursuing your becoming and your mission will require sacrifice. The temptation in this third test is for a shortcut, a way around the difficulty and an easier path to success.

The third question to ask is this: Where am I trying to avoid the sacrifice and take a shortcut?

Have you ever had this thought, “If this is what God really wanted, why isn’t it easier?” Or maybe for you it sounds like, “If I can just speed things up the impact will be greater.”

The way the story was written in Luke 4 gives no indication to the time between question and answer. It also does not describe what thoughts Jesus may have had prior to this about the sacrifice that lay ahead. It does not take speculation, though, to conclude that this test was a targeted attack on what the enemy perceived as a point of vulnerability. Why else would he go there?

It’s a point of vulnerability for leaders as well. The easier road, the safer path, the shortcut around the struggle, what leader isn’t tempted to consider that? Still, personal experience and the stories of others confirm for that process really is the “shortcut.” Meaning, attempts to find a way around the challenge or the sacrifice don’t lead to better results faster. Only lesser results more quickly and missed opportunities to pass the test and be refined in the process. Jesus showed the way, and the way is through it.

Pubic and Private Persona

What did Driscoll, Hybels, and Zacharias have in common? Among other things, they failed to stay consistent in asking these three questions to help pass the tests they faced as leaders:

1. Where am I trying to take for me rather than give for others?

2. Where am I compromising, rather than committed to, my values?

3. Where am I trying to avoid the sacrifice and take a shortcut?

Jesus’ example wasn’t just a divinely perfect man disconnected from his humanity. For him to be what the Father intended, he needed to know the full human experience. In so doing, he showed the way, including the way to ensure that the behind the curtain leader is the same as the one in front of it. The strength and resolve that Jesus displayed came from a grounded understanding of his identity and a clear vision of his mission. That same strength and resolve is available to all leaders by following the same process. Receiving from the Father a grounded sense of identity and allowing that to compel one consistently forward in the mission He has for us.

It seems fitting here to allow James the last word: “Consider it great joy, my brothers, whenever you experience various trials, knowing that the [refining] of your faith produces endurance. But endurance must do its complete work, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing.” James 1:2-4 (emphasis added)

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Behind the Curtain: 3 Questions Leaders Must Ask (Post #2)

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(Written by Mark Stanifer, SightShift Certified Coach and founder of Dare2LiveCoaching.com)

You’ll recall from Part 1 of this series that the question being explored is this: “What questions must be answered to ensure your public persona matches your behind-the-curtain private one?” The first question that must be asked is, “Where am I trying to take for me rather than give for others?” There are two more questions a leader must wrestle with in order to ensure alignment between public and private personas.

Let’s return to the account of Jesus in the wilderness and explore the second test.

~~~~

Compromise or Commit

The second test Jesus faced went straight to his values. The tempter was inviting him to compromise. Testing if he would stay committed. Yet Jesus, as our leader example, modeled what his ultimate value was in the way he responded to this second test.

None of us will face stakes as high as what Jesus faced in this test. The tempter was offering him the kingdom of earth. Now, we know the enemy’s pattern from the early pages of the Bible. It is to cast doubt on the authority and trustworthiness of God, to undermine Him and his creation. We should not presume that Jesus wasn’t affected by his offer. The enemy knows how to exploit our humanness.

The second question a leader can ask is this: Where am I compromising, rather than committed to, my values?

It may be helpful here for you to think of values in this way: centered on God and committed to becoming who He made you to be.

The offer Jesus was given was the antithesis to those values: substitute something other than God as the center and deviate from the path of becoming the best and fullest expression of himself. Understanding his test in this light makes it directly relatable to the tests (the refining) that leaders face. How are you answering that question, in the things that seem insignificant and in the things where the significance is great?

You may read that last statement and feel the pressure to double down striving to be good in all things. The intent here is not to heap perfectionistic pressure on you and make the striving any heavier to bear. Relax and let Father’s refining do its good work. Or you may discount the insignificant and focus only on the big things. Recognize, however, that big things always start off as little ones. For you, the growth opportunity is to notice the smaller testing moments and stay committed vs compromising. In both cases, God’s process is refining you to be “mature and complete, lacking nothing.” (James 1:4)

Photo by Mark Duffel on Unsplash

(Post #3 tomorrow)

Behind the Curtain: 3 Questions Leaders Must Ask (Post #1)

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(Written by Mark Stanifer, SightShift Certified Coach and founder of Dare2LiveCoaching.com)

“What questions must be answered to ensure your public persona matches your behind-the-curtain private one?”

John posed that question to me recently. While he didn’t elaborate on where it came from, knowing John there was an experience that led to him asking himself that question first. And then he followed his curiosity, wondering how others would answer it. In this article, I approach the question from a leadership lens. But, in truth, what follows applies to anyone who wants to fully be who they were created to be.

In thinking about that question, I couldn’t help but consider some very public and horrendous examples of where leaders displayed public personas that were very different than the one behind the curtain. Mark Driscoll, Bill Hybels and Ravi Zacharias come to mind immediately. Despite any positive impact these leaders had, it is now obvious that what was behind the curtain did not match the image on public display.

These are just three negative examples. The splashy and traumatic ones that make the news. There are countless others, as well as countless examples of where the public and private personas did match. Although they don’t make the news, no doubt you’ve experienced both.

So what makes the difference? What are the ingredients that lead to congruency in the personas of some and not others? What can we draw from the failures, and not just the epic and public ones, that will help us avoid similar outcomes? I’m going to borrow a line from C.S. Lewis’ opening forward to his book, Mere Christianity, here. There are “far more, and more talented, authors already engaged in such matters” as to the numerous differences between leaders who are congruent or not in public and private personas.

Instead, let’s return to the original curiosity of what questions can help lead to congruency for the leader.

The Temptation of Jesus

In Luke 4:1-13, the gospel writer describes the testing of Jesus in the wilderness. The importance of the experience Jesus had immediately before this — his baptism and the Father’s affirmation of Jesus’ identity — cannot be overlooked when considering the wilderness account of chapter 4. Jesus knew who he was and where he was going before facing the test of the wilderness. That was the foundation that allowed him to pass the test.

Yet, in the testing, we see a glimpse of what all leaders face. Jesus, as a man, was subject to the same temptations we face. Paul affirms this in 1 Corinthians 10:13. The Message version says this, “No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face.” Including Jesus.

James 1 also talks about testing and trials and temptation. It’s helpful here to think of these words as describing a process of refining, so we can be “mature and complete, lacking nothing” (v4). In other words, the tests and temptations which life brings are opportunities the Father uses to help us become the fullest and best expression of who He wants us to be.

Although likely obvious, it is worth stating that the congruency of public and private persona to which we’re aspiring in this article is one in which the leader’s example is loving God and loving others. Christ-like. And with Jesus as the example, we find in his wilderness temptation three questions a leader can ask to help pass their own tests. To help keep the visible persona aligned with the behind-the-curtain persona.

Take or Give

The first test Jesus faced came after a 40-day fast. Jesus was hungry. The account in Luke 4:2 says so. It is not true to the text or Jesus’ humanity to believe otherwise. Jesus’ tempter surely understood that; otherwise the first question would have been different. There is no doubt that Jesus desired food. But in that moment, his desire for food was not greater than his desire to be grounded in who he was, who the Father said he was.

The first question a leader can ask is this: Where am I trying to take for me rather than give for others?

Jesus had the authority and the power to do what the tempter was suggesting. He had the desire for food; anyone fasting for only a few meals know that same desire. He had the means. He had the motive. And now had an opportunity. Yet he resisted the temptation. He passed the test and was refined in the process, because he chose not to take for himself.

This isn’t to say that desires should be denied or ignored. Hunger, left unfulfilled, doesn’t give life. Desire is natural, and God ordained. But when desire is not channeled by the grounding of one’s identity it will result in the choice to take rather than give. The consequences of taking for oneself could be small or they could be significant. Think of David and what his desire did to Bathsheba and Uriah and the ripple effect on his kingdom and impact as the leader.

Motive is important here. It’s what makes the difference between cooperating with the testing (refining) process and pushing against it. This first question helps the leader uncover the motive surrounding the desire — Is it for me and my gain or for the benefit of others?

Photo by Tim Marshall on Unsplash

(Series continued tomorrow)

Saving Lives: We All Can

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Recently in a class I was facilitating, two references to suicidal ideation were unexpectedly mentioned. The first one was definitely out of nowhere for me and the rest of the class.

The main topic of that night’s class was finding peace in your beliefs. Naturally, the first presenter of three on the night’s program was a pastor. While he was speaking, a participant shared this in the chat (Zoom meeting):

I just want to let you know that you saved my life when I found you on tiktok.

The second reference to the possible loss of life was shared by the second presenter, a church attendee sharing their story in finding a church home. Part of this story included suicide consideration-this after serving on several church staffs, by the way.

After hearing these personal stories from two people who could easily no longer be on earth, a connection crossed my mind. The theme of the class was finding peace. These two had a season where they were searching for peace. In that season of lacking peace, their lives were at risk.

CONNECTION: Lack of peace is life threatening.

I shared that connection with the class and then offered this encouragement to everyone. Whatever you have offering peace to any community (family, neighborhood, work, church, city), your offering saves lives. It’s not only the pastor who brings peace by preaching or aiding someone in securing their personal beliefs. It’s also the teacher who asks the student about the bruise. It’s the law enforcement officer who delivers good news. It’s the grocery shopper who commends the cashier. It’s the neighbor who offers to mow the yard. It’s anyone who takes time to notice and inquires when they sense a lack of peace.

Any effort to bring, restore, support, or provide peace is life saving. For them. For you. For us.

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called the children of God.”

Matthew 5:9

Child of God, how did you make peace this week? Congratulations! You saved life.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash

Sunk Down Deep

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‭‭A little one-question quiz for you. Which biblical character said these words:

I had sunk down deep below the mountains beneath the sea. I knew that forever, I would be a prisoner there. But, you, Lord God, rescued me from that pit.

When I read this particular verse this week, I chose to sit in it for a few minutes in attempt to feel the impact of their situation. Any of these words or phrases feel familiar?

  • “Had sunk down”…indicates an awareness of the gradual process that led to where they found themselves.
  • “Deep below the mountains”…expresses they feel completely alone, no one is around.
  • “Beneath the sea”…not only do they feel alone, it’s a sense of desperation that no one can even go where they are.
  • “I knew”…they believed, were convinced, had come to the realization.
  • “Forever”…this was it; there was no hope of things ever changing; they were resigned to their fate.
  • “A prisoner”…they saw no way out, certainly not a way within their power, and no one was around to provide a way.
  • “But, you, Lord God”…no one, that is, but their God. Their God was the only one with a way out.

If any of these thoughts, emotions, and expressions correlate to you today, take a few minutes to find this person’s story and read it through a different lens.

You’ll find this person’s story in the Old Testament. The person? Jonah. The quote? Verse 6 from his prayer in chapter 2 (CEV).

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SURPRISE!

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Monday, I was waiting for an interviewee to enter our Zoom meeting. I already had an opinion of how it would go, yet I knew that wasn’t a good mindset as an interviewer.

I decided prayer was a good option while I waited. The main request I voiced was to have an open mind.

Twenty-eight minutes later I voiced a second prayer admitting to God and the interviewee that I was surprised by our conversation. The first thing I remember saying was, “Thank you for being a God that surprises us.”

After I closed the meeting, I wondered why that is. Why am I surprised when God gives me what I ask for?

There are many possible answers for that question. One may be correct for one instance and another for another.

In this case, I tend to think I was surprised how quickly God showed me I was wrong, and it actually brought me joy. Doesn’t quite sound normal.

Surprise!

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