Learning & Growth

For Their Sake

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Thanks for listening. It was the second time I admitted this situation today. My ability to articulate it gives me the opportunity to internalize it. Radical acceptance. I appreciate your question and your willingness to listen. Thank you, friend!

Email I received recently

I thought my question was innocent. But apparently, to them, it wasn’t. Why?

Space. In that moment, they weren’t looking for it, but space was provided for them to put words to their emotions, their current situation, and their understanding. Space is sacred, particularly when it’s for and with the one who needs it.

Seen. In that moment, they were allowed to freely share, receive reflection, and affirmation. Being seen satisfies a natural hunger and may reveal more behind the hunger than previously understood.

Self-awareness. In that moment, they saw their reflection. They saw themselves with integrity and acceptance in a way that said, “It’s okay. I don’t have to necessarily like what I see, but at least I see myself more clearly. Now I have an idea how to respond, how to move forward.”

Got a question you’re not sure to follow a nudge to ask? For their sake, not yours, ask.

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

Make Them Say “No”

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Checked out a podcast episode today entitled “Why Leaders Need to Make Bold Proposals.” J.R. Briggs shares stories how he’s worked through his fear leading to a tendency not ask for what he wants. He’s landed on two questions to ask himself before asking for something that creates angst or fear:

  1. What’s the worst they could say to my request?
  2. Can I handle a “no” to my request?

My version of these two thoughts I’ve shared many times is “What’s the worst that can happen”? If I or the group I’m in considering an ask can handle the worst, why not ask?

These thoughts are reinforced by this tweet image I saw recently:

I liked the self-rejection line. The mindset I’ve adopted is that the other party has to say no. Don’t say it for them by not asking.

More importantly, don’t say it for yourself. Some of us are really good at saying no to ourselves about the wrong things. The things that are the next step for us, the breakthrough, the healing, the answer we’ve been looking for can naturally have a fear factor attached. The courage for us to accept the no from the other party may be all we need. In these cases, say yes to the courage in order to avoid the missed opportunity of your no.

Family Illustration: Last March our mother turned 85. While celebrating in the Daytona Beach area, we scheduled a family photo session. The photographer commented it was too bad we didn’t take advantage of it being bike week to somehow include a bike in our props. Seed planted. Let’s just say, had we not asked the owner of this bike for a photo op at lunch after our session, we wouldn’t have this memorable photo:

Thank you to our mother and the bike owner for saying yes.

Whose Voice Matters Most

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It’s Labor Day weekend here in the U.S. May mean you have more time to think. Here’s a reminder for you: Who God Says You are Matters Most.

In my thinking time already, I reviewed three conversations this week where descriptions were painted about someone. All were offered in constructive ways. Regardless of the intention or the relationship, human evaluations are limited. That’s not the case with God. Here are three reasons why:

Time known…God’s known you from conception…No one’s known you longer. Someone we knew in college may not recognize us today. It’s like that statement some middle-age adults make to a current friend: “If we’d known each other in college, we probably wouldn’t have been friends.” God’s been around for all the years. That history gives him the most information to back up what he says about you.

Depth known…God’s known you from formation…No one’s known you as deeply. The revelations we get from personality assessments make us say, “How did they know that? That’s so accurate.” It was no surprise to God. He wired you. He’s also been part of the ins and outs of life that have continued to form you, to mature you, to change you to the core. He knows you the most deeply, so his words about you carry the most weight.

Relationally known…God knows you by connection…No one’s more connected. Some people wear many hats in our relationship with them (family, boss, friend, neighbor, coworker, etc.). Naturally, we want to lean in to what they say. We long to be known by them. But there are many hats that only God can wear. When we are aware of them all, respect them, honor them, give thanks for them, the magnitude of what he says about us expands. Often, we forget just how much we most want to be known by him, but he cannot know us any more.

During this weekend, find some time to give him space to speak. Tune in to his voice. It matters most.

Photo by Megan Bucknall on Unsplash

Freedom Journeys (book review)

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Earlier this year in other readings, I was challenged to consider the Old Testament through the eyes of Judaism. Can’t say I thought much about it prior. So I searched for a book along those lines and landed on this one, published in 2011.

When you hear a familiar story told through a different perspective, you have an opportunity to learn, to broaden your understanding, and I believe most importantly, deepen your connection to others.

Arrogance is not only a moral and spiritual malady. It breeds stupidity. For those who are utterly convinced of their own absolute rightness cannot hear the warnings of others, cannot pay attention to the signals from the world around them, cannot learn from their own mistakes.

Chapter 10, Who Hardened Pharaoh’s Heart

How the authors interpreted biblical and current events through the lens of the Exodus provides a consistent reminder that God is present in every situation. It is a freedom journey that He doesn’t abandon.

God dwells most deeply where the newly free remember their pain with tears, create their future in joy, and carry their vision into every journey of their lives.

Chapter 18, Carrying the Sacred Space

One thing I’ve always appreciated about the Jewish faith is their persistence to remember by storytelling. I appreciate it because I need to be reminded of it, particularly in efforts to know my fellow man better.

It is not enough for a people to become free just once, any more than it is enough for the grain to sprout or the lambs to be born just once. Over and over, year after year, rebirth, regrowth must come again.

Chapter 22, Transforming Our Festivals and Our Lives

My main takeaway from this book is to continue engaging other faiths, cultures, and stories different from mine. It is sacred. It enriches everyone willing to engage.

When Palestinians and Israelis, or American and Iraqis, or Jews and Muslims and Christians join with each other to mourn those who have died at each other’s hands, that weaves a sacred fringe between us.

Chapter 31, Meeting Brings Disaster, and a Cure

An Open Letter to the Walker with the Cane

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We first met at the north end of the G.T. Bray baseball field’s parking lot. It was still dark, around 6:30 this morning. We greeted each other as I ran by, probably both assuming that was “one and done.”

After I finished my loop of the south end of the softball fields, I passed you again less than 10 minutes later as we headed to the east entrance of the park. We didn’t speak.

Another 20 minutes had passed when I came upon you again, this time not too far south from our first passing. You had made the entire loop, and I was circling back to leave the park by the west entrance.

As I got closer to you, you moved to your right, sensing someone coming. I thought to myself, “Good for him for keeping a steady pace. It can’t be easy to convince yourself to do another loop when you’re walking a slow pace using a cane.”

As I ran by this third time, we both spoke. I started first.

“Have a good day!”

In almost the same moment you said, “You’re making me feel bad.”

In the moment, I knew what you meant. My quick reply was a feeble effort to encourage you. “You’re doing great!”

Unfortunately, I never got a good look at you. The first passing was in the dark; the other two, I came from behind. Other than you had on a yellow shirt and sporting a head bandana, all I could tell was you were out for an early morning walk through the park, moving at a respectable pace for someone depending on a cane for support.

Had I not been on a tight schedule, I would have stopped to learn more. Have you been injured recently? Did you have surgery and now in rehab? Is this a lifelong challenge for you or just a temporary season of healing? I don’t know. But let me tell you four things I do know.

During my hour-long run, I passed a total of seven other people. Everyone else was walking, with the exception of the lady we both passed sitting on the park bench by the soccer fields. You were one of seven folks up and at it this morning. Whatever it took for you to get up and to the park and on the trail, you outdid thousands of others. That’s something to feel good about.

As for those other walkers, no one else was reliant on a cane. You didn’t let your dependence stigmatize you. You didn’t allow it to be an excuse. You had the determination to do the best you could in your current situation. That’s something to feel good about.

Another reply to your comment that I said to myself on my final half mile was, “Dude. You’re aren’t six feed under. You are not in bed. You are up and moving.” I don’t know what it took for you to be moving that early, but that’s something to feel good about.

The final thing I know is something I’ve told myself many times during runs and especially during races. Whatever someone else is doing that I’m tempted to compare myself to-pace, distance, etc.-it isn’t about what they are doing. It’s about what I’m doing. I know what it took to get to the start line. I’ve got an idea what it’s going to take to cross the finish line. I’m going to stick to what I’m doing. Good on them for what they’re doing.

My guess is you did at least two loops around the park this morning. You started before the sun rose. You did it alone. And you got it done. You, walking with a cane, did more than the average well-bodied person will do today. That’s something to feel good about.

Based on how your started it, odds are the rest of your day was good. Here’s to seeing you in the park again on another good day!

Photo by david Griffiths on Unsplash

10 Endurance Tests

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Currently I’m going through a YouVersion reading plan for James 1. The first four days of ten have pretty much focused on this verse:

For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.

James 1:3 NLT

Reading this the other day, it struck me to get specific. For instance, when faith in one area of life is tested it has a chance to grow. To flesh that out, here are ten additions where growth can be experienced by faith testing.

When your faith in your spouse is tested, your endurance as a vow-keeping partner has a chance to grow.

When your faith in your boss is tested, your endurance as a loyal employee has a chance to grow.

When your faith in your children is tested, your endurance as a loving parent has a chance to grow.

When your faith in your parents is tested, your endurance as an honoring child has a chance to grow.

When your faith in your government is tested, your endurance as a contributing citizen has a chance to grow.

When your faith in your company is tested, your endurance as a committed team player has a chance to grow.

When your faith in your church is tested, your endurance as a kingdom-minded citizen has a chance to grow.

When your faith in your investments is tested, your endurance as a focused treasurer has a chance to grow.

When your faith in your friend is tested, your endurance as a reliable presence has a chance to grow.

When your faith in your God is tested, your endurance as an image bearer has a chance to grow.

Photo by Hu Chen on Unsplash

What is a Miracle?

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“We see miracles in our work all the time.”

I immediately made a note to chew on that one after hearing it from a colleague.

Did they really mean to use the word miracle? Or did they just mean change, transformation, growth? Doesn’t a miracle mean the impossible happened, something unexplainable, maybe even supernatural?

Those answers vary for many reasons: education, faith, philosophy, convictions, science. Traditions seem to dictate one’s definition. For those who prefer black and white, these provide what they need. I’m wondering if there’s more, more that would prompt someone to say they see miracles all the time.

In reading the New Testament, you cannot help but think of miracles as being something visible, something physically observable. Blind eyes healed. Leprosy cleansed. Dead raised.

Not having experienced it myself, I wonder what else happened to the blind man when he suddenly could see. Was the miracle only about his vision? How could this event not encompass all of his being-spiritual, emotional, mental? The healing miraculously altered all of him.

That thought suggests miracles can start in other areas for humans other than their bodies. Should we not consider unexplainable transformations to one’s spirit or mind also miraculous? Just because we cannot physically observe and identify the change does not disqualify it as miraculous.

An even broader conviction embedded in my colleague’s statement is that miracles are routine. Can this be taken too far? Sure. But it’s highly possible we created beings eventually lower our awe of routine miracles provided for us every day of our lives.

Are miracles confined to the extraordinary? Seems to me the rising sun contains miraculous elements. How often are they declared?

And maybe that’s the answer to the question. The answer isn’t found in a black and white definition. It’s found in genuine awe that every day contains happenings which I have no explanation for, things that I could not produce, things that touch the whole of how God created us.

Each one is a miracle. When I stop and consider them, the classification of the work lessens in importance to the one behind it.

It’s possible the answer to what is a miracle is that it’s the wrong question. What if we replace it with this one: What does a miracle say about its source?

Photo by Federico Respini on Unsplash

Leadership Success: Learned Before or After?

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“It is likely that leadership success, both current and future, will be determined more by the learning that takes place after being given a leadership assignment than by what has been learned prior to it.”

Gene Habecker in The Softer Side of Leadership

Read this quote for the first time this week. It’s made me think and reflect.

I’ve always held the philosophy that what has been learned prior has prepared a leader for success in a new assignment. However, Habecker has made me consider the learning after being in a new position. I believe there are stipulations as to whether this learning leads to success more than prior learning.

STIPULATION #1: What’s the leader’s ongoing approach to learning?

Is it ongoing? Is it plural, meaning it focuses on all areas of life? If the answer to either of these is no, learning is going to be minimal and therefore success will be hindered. Leaders never stop learning.

STIPULATION #2: What’s the leader’s level of humility?

Followers of Patrick Lencioni have heard his repetition on the needed virtue of humility in leadership. Humble leaders in a new assignment will have a greater bend toward learning. They carry a “I haven’t been here before and have a need to learn” posture that paves the way for ongoing learning.

STIPULATION #3: What’s the leader’s inclusion of interpersonal relations learning?

The temptation exists to believe this is a one-time effort. Or that by a certain age there’s nothing more to learn about relationships. Or a resignation to “this is just who I am.” A new assignment will bring new relationships. An ongoing, humble learning posture toward those relationships will be important for successful leadership.

I met a leader this week that I believe understands these stipulations. He is less than a year into an assignment that came with more firsts and surprises than he anticipated. In his late 50’s, he certainly has prior learning. But he is keenly aware it is not enough.

So yes, success for him, for that matter for all of us, will be based on pursuing learning – ongoing, humble, all-inclusive learning.

Photo by Charles Forerunner on Unsplash

Two Values of The Rich

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I follow a page on Facebook called Becoming Minimalist. I wouldn’t call myself a minimalist, but the posts on the page are compelling. They certainly align with my values.

Last weekend I joined the ranks of those who no longer have a DVD or CD collection. Thank you, Goodwill. They have enriched my home by accepting my once treasured collections. In addition to these two collections, they now own all my clocks and about half my library.

Why are these collections gone? Am I making room for other collections? No. Am I downsizing? No.

Some would call it decluttering or minimizing. All I’m doing is getting rid of things that no longer enrich my life. And in a sense, my life is being enriched even further.

One of the latest Becoming Minimalist posts grabbed my attention in any odd connecting way. It was a guest blog post that was more for readers with large clothing collections. Not that I’d say I fit in that category, but I have gradually been doing the same with clothes-not replacing, just decreasing.

The blog writer was Julia Ubbenga of Rich in What Matters. The topic of her post addressed simplifying life by repeating outfits. In her list of 10 reasons, check out the enriching values of #9:

9. More reminders of how little you need to be happy

Owning a repeatable, small wardrobe constantly sends you the message that contentment can be found in less. A glance at your curated closet prompts thoughts like: “I need so much less than I thought I did to be happy.”

I’m much less likely to buy on impulse or waste time scrolling in search of my next purchase when these thoughts infiltrate my mind every morning. My sense of gratitude also increases the more I remember life truly is better with less.

“10 Reasons Repeating Outfits Will Simplify Your Life”

Contentment. Gratitude.

It wasn’t a goal that I woke up with one morning. “To increase my contentment, I’m going to get rid of stuff.”

What is a goal is to pursue contentment. If that pursuit leads to real treasure, so be it.

What is a goal is to be more grateful. If that pursuit leads to an awareness of how rich I already am, so be it.

There Was a Curtain There?

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My understanding of spiritual disciplines has been exposed as limited in the last few weeks. A thread of three interactions pulled back the curtain.

Depending on who you’ve read or what denomination you’ve participated in, any teaching on spiritual disciplines containing a list most likely included any or all of these:

  • meditation
  • prayer
  • fasting
  • study
  • simplicity
  • solitude
  • submission
  • service
  • confession
  • worship
  • guidance
  • celebration

This list is from Richard Foster. The article where you can find this list includes several more. Seems a lot to master. One could see why many just don’t bother. Daunting.

The first peek behind the curtain came when a lunch conversation mentioned Rob Bell’s teaching that everything is spiritual. I hadn’t heard his name is years and wasn’t familiar with his book by that exact title. I read the Kindle sample and checked out a few videos (here’s one). Bottom line: Goes to reason if everything is spiritual, then all disciplines are spiritual.

Not long after that, Chuck DeGroat pulled the curtain back further when I read this in his book:

Disciplines place us in relationship-with Christ and within a community of wounded healers. The discipline of a disciple is to follow-that is, to walk in the shadow of Christ, to learn his ways, to struggle together when difficulties arise, to laugh and to cry. This is how friendship with God unfolds, as a relationship between two persons deeply committed to each other in covenant love. This relationship cannot be reduced to a mere practice or ritual, but it certainly involves practice and ritual-the give and take required in any relationship.

Toughest People to Love, Chapter 8

These two lead-ins prepared my mind to completely receive the final one. In a conversation on this subject and how to freshen them up, out of nowhere the question was asked, “Have you looked at blogging as a spiritual discipline?”

Fully exposed.

Funny. I wasn’t aware there even was a curtain.

Glad it’s been removed.

Photo by Gwen King on Unsplash