Learning & Growth

2022 Library

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For a fifth year I have followed a self-developed reading strategy with the objective to read broader. The goal: read books falling under six headings. This strategy is still working for me.

For the curious, here is the library of 20 books including avenue of reading:

  • Ambiguous Loss by Pauline Boss (kindle)
  • Awe by Paul David Tripp (kindle)…an annual read
  • The Crimean Nexus by Constantine Pleshakov (hard copy)
  • The Cross and the Lynching Tree by James H. Cone (kindle)…the most thought-provoking book on the list
  • Doorway to the World by Hugh Steven (hard copy)
  • The Doubting Disease by Joseph W. Ciarrocchi (kindle)
  • Fathered by God by John Eldredge (hoopla)…the most surprising book on the list
  • The Fight by John White (hoopla)
  • God’s Resting Place by Ron Marquardt (hard copy)
  • The Hollywood Commandments by Devon Franklin (hoopla)
  • The Journey: Finish Strong by Lee Ann Martin (hard copy)
  • Sermons for All Seasons by Bruce Porter (hard copy)
  • The Shallows by Nicholas Carr (kindle)
  • Shame by Josh Roggie (hoopla)
  • Shame, Guilt, and Surviving Martin Bryant by Karen Collyer (hoopla)
  • Shame Nation by Sue Scheff (hoopla)
  • Silence by Shusaku Endo (hard copy)
  • Solo by Stephen Smith & Peter Ivey (kindle)…the most practical book on the list
  • The Soul of Shame by Curt Thompson (hoopla)…my favorite book on the list
  • Try Softer by Aundi Kolber (hoopla)…the most helpful book on the list

NOTE: If you’re not familiar with hoopla, check it out: https://www.hoopladigital.com/

The Hollywood Commandments (book review)

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While on vacation I caught an interview of a hollywood executive. His infusion of his faith into his work intrigued me. His name was new to me, but I quickly learned that he’s worked on many projects that I’ve watched. His name is Devon Franklin. The interview was old, surrounding the release of a book. When I looked it up on hoopla, it wasn’t available, but another book more recently published was. So I borrowed it to read the rest of my time away.

Franklin has a few agendas in this book. One major one is to dispel the myth that Christians can’t be called to work in the entertainment industry. He respectfully gives illustrations of how he overcame this myth after being taught it and discouraged in his pursuit of his passion to produce life-changing projects.

Success comes from being the distinctive person that God created us to be…The moment you begin to exchange what makes you different for what makes you ordinary because you want to fit in, you give away that which God wants to use to elevate you and take you somewhere extraordinary.

Chapter 8, Your Difference is Your Destiny

A second agenda is to lay out his ten commandments to not only succeed in the entertainment business but in life in general. He’s clear that success isn’t possible without the guidance and daily presence of God in your life. He illustrates from his own journey the importance of prayer, service, understanding God’s view of your talent, and distinguishing between your intuition and God’s.

We don’t get enough experience through the church in trusting our intuition, which is strange because intuition and instinct are really the Holy Spirit at work in us…Originality terrifies people…Prayer helps you determine who is speaking through your intuition, God or you.

Chapter 5, Your Gut is Hiding God

Is this book for everyone? No. But if you’re needing some clarity, even some encouragement on pursuing success in your career with a spiritual mindset, give Franklin a look.

Stop worrying so much about immediate results and start appreciating the process…If you’re going to survive in any field, you just can’t take yourself too seriously. Having a short memory goes a long way.

Chapter 9, Your Amnesia is an Asset

Intentions and Invitations

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When people ask when I started running, I make a distinction in my answer. The distinction occurred in 2007 at age 39.

The fifteen years prior I ran, but there was no structure to it. I wasn’t following a plan, didn’t set any goals, had no purpose outside random decisions to go for a run. At best, I ran three times a week for less than 10 miles; I didn’t track it and wasn’t concerned about it. The thought of registering for a race never crossed my mind.

Around 2004 I began running more frequently. Still not tracking or challenging myself to add miles or distance. Just random jogs around the neighborhood. I don’t recall how I started getting considered a runner, but apparently folks around me got that impression. At that point, I wouldn’t have told people, “I’m a runner.”

Two things happened in 2007 that shifted everything. The first one was that I finished my masters degree, which I had started in 2003. While working fulltime, I had kept an average of 11 hours of classes each semester for four years. I had been going at a pretty intense pace. I distinctly remember sitting in my hotel room in New Orleans the week I was completing my last class and saying to myself, “I’m about to have a void in my life. I need to find something to fill it.” When I got home, I created intention to my running. No more randomness.

The second thing really propelled my running forward. And I didn’t see it coming. Two of my work colleagues entered triathlons. They decided they wanted to do a relay and invited me to be the runner. I remember pretty vividly the emotions of waiting at the stage exchange for the swim and bike legs to finish before I took off on the 5k. At that time, a 3.1 mile race seemed long. I had no idea about pacing, even if I could run that far without stopping. And God knows, I wasn’t going to be one of those walk/runners. I had so much to learn.

When I crossed the finish line of that 5k, I had become an intentional runner. My instincts to grow and challenge myself took over, and the rest is a history still unfolding. Another fifteen years have passed. I’ve ran dozens of races, raced in 26 states on the goal to run them all, and have averaged over 1,000 miles per year. These results reveal the power of intentions and invitations.

On this first day of 2023, what intentions would move your life forward? In your career, your family, your relationships, your finances, your spirit, your hobbies, your passions. What invitations you accept or extend would give those intentions a pathway taking you and others toward new heights and depths? A year from today, how would you like to reflect on your 2023 intentions and invitations?

Top 3 2022 Word of the Year Songs

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The first year I chose a word for the year was 2020. It’s an exercise I’ve grown to appreciate. If you have yet to consider it, here are a few blog posts about it:

https://mountainmodernlife.com/word-of-the-year/

How to Choose Your Word for the Year {Printable Worksheet}

My 2022 word was “flow.” It was a great theme to follow 2021’s “reboot.” I took things a little further this year by connecting a scripture verse to go along with the word as well as creating a playlist. Often throughout the year these two tools reminded me of the “flow” focus.

At one time the playlist had about 20 songs. This month as we’ve edged closer to year end, I began deleting songs as a way of keeping focus. And in a fun way, unintentionally, I got down to the top three songs on the list that spoke the most to me along this theme. So I thought I’d share them with you. Odds are they’ll be new to you.

To share them, here’s the playlist and videos of each song. Enjoy the flow!

Try Softer (book review)

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I first heard of Aundi Kolber on an episode of The Rise & Fall of Mars Hill. But it wasn’t until I heard her book Try Softer mentioned on a different podcast that I took notice.

I finished the book today. It’s one of those that after you’re done you think, “I could have used that information a long time ago.”

You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.

Chapter 5, Boundaries Bring Us Life

Kolber is a licensed professional counselor in Colorado where she’s been practicing since 2009. In Try Softer, she utilizes her own trauma, training, research, Scripture, and client’s stories to illustrate what she means by trying softer. My paraphrase, trying softer is practicing gentleness through life rather than white knuckling it.

People who are aware of and know how to attend to their feelings are truly awake.

Chapter 8, Try Softer with Your Emotions

One of Kolber’s continued messages is to understand you and everyone around you is on a journey. She takes the first five chapters to examine that “process of becoming.” They include research about the brain, a look at the importance of early relationships, the value of boundaries, and a definition of your window of tolerance.

Research shows that taking longer to exhale than to inhale signals to our nervous systems that we are safe, stimulating the vagus nerve. Both help us stay in our window of tolerance.

Chapter 4, Too Hot, Too Cold…Just Right: Finding Your Window of Tolerance

Most of my highlights come for the final five chapters where Kolber offers ways to practice trying softer with your attention, body, emotions, internal critic, and resilience. All ten of the chapters end with exercises and questions to get you started in trying softer. If that sounds overwhelming, each time she reminds you to take your time with them, maybe even note them for later work.

It matters that leaders, parents, and pastors are aware of their own wounds and do their own emotional work.

Chapter 6, Try Softer with Your Attention

Many of us may get tense just thinking of the idea of trying softer. I think Kolber’s statements about surrender sum up how valuable this approach and mindset could be. In the final chapter on resilience, these two thoughts encourage us to take a step toward surrender.

This is what I mean when I talk about surrender: it’s feeling safe enough to release our grip…Paradoxically, when we choose surrender for the right reasons, it empowers us.

Chapter 10, Try Softer with Resilience

My spirit is boosted after reading Try Softer. I invite you to check it out and give yourself a boost to end the year.

Testing Google

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From my front door to the office is 18 miles. Depending on the time of day you drive it, it can take anywhere from 33 minutes to over an hour. I’ve experienced the shortest, the longest, and all the in-betweens.

I typed 33 minutes because at this moment that’s the estimated drive time according to Google maps. I use it quite often in order to find the best route, particularly when my drive is at peak traffic times. That usually means driving home in the afternoon. Here’s a screen shot from my drive this past Tuesday.

I may be the only person (pretty sure I’m not) who looks at that ETA time (5:53) and says to myself, “I better at least get there by that time, or even better, beat it. Game On!” A little motivation and self-competition isn’t bad, right?

What I’ve found is they’re not bad until I create an emotional expectation. And that emotion can turn into thoughts like, “What the heck with these lights? Come ‘on, Manatee County! Fix these lights!” or “People, drive with purpose. Why are we driving 33MPH in a 45MPH zone? Get off my road! I’m on the clock, here!”

On my less emotionally competitive drives, I decide to pay attention and see what I can learn or enjoy. On Tuesday I decided to test Google rather than rant at the lights or other drivers. Often on the drive at any given time Google gives me options. Each option designates the difference of my remaining drive time by reading something like “2 minutes slower” or “Similar ETA.” But unless I look at the map, I have no idea all the options that I have mid-drive. On this 18-mile drive, there are dozens of options. I can ignore them and just follow the original route demanding that it live up to its promise to get me there the fastest, or I can consider other options may not be the fastest but could bring some other unexpected benefit worth the alternate route.

The test basically became how many minutes are lost if I ignore Google and go whatever route I want. Google’s directions aren’t the law; they are suggestions. And on this drive, I ignored them several times, probably three, just choosing whatever option I felt like. The end result-I arrived at the same time Google predicted, 5:53.

There are several possible takeaways from this scene. Go with whatever comes first. But mine is, I have options. Any man-made or man-given map uses the best data available. That doesn’t demand it be followed mindlessly. On the flipside, God’s map doesn’t always make sense or align with the best data nor sit well with my expectations. And that’s where I’ve learned the value of surrendering to options.

Google isn’t God. No other map reigns over his; they don’t have his data. His route will have me arriving at whatever time is best but only in the mind and spirit possible by choosing his option. It’s worth the test.

“But” Problem #2

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(A series on lessons learned from running this year)

The second first-time experience this summer was less concerning but equally worth learning.

Two weeks after the shower incident, I let another “but” lead me to another result even more frustrating on a personal level.

I wanted to get in a 12-miler with two friends. The challenge was, they wanted to run early. Really early. Like 4AM early. They do this all the time; me, never.

So not only was I going to get up and run 12 miles in Florida humidity with my crazy friends, I was also going to pretend to be a morning person.

Unfortunately for me, not only that night but also the night before I got less than six hours of sleep. One night might be okay; two, not a recipe for a successful 12-mile run.

The alarm sounded at 3. And I said to myself, “Why am I doing this? But I want to get in 12 miles. Just have fun with it.”

True to our form, we actually started at 3:40AM. We were up; might as well hit the pavement.

I knew I was in trouble after the first mile. I learned several summers ago that my first mile on a long run needed to be easy. Something like a 10:30 pace. There was no doubt we were running faster than that. When I looked at my watch, we’d ran mile 1 in 9:26.

So not only was I pretending to be a morning person, I was also pretending this pace was doable. I told myself, “Just relax. Back off when you can. Stay with it.” And I did, as every mile got even faster.

In December, that’s fine. This wasn’t December. It was 75 degrees, hours before the sun decided to wake up.

At the mile 6 stop, I knew I had to tap out. Pretending gave way to reality. Twelve wasn’t going to happen. Too fast…too tired…too humid…too early. They went on to get in six more while I did two slower miles to get back to my car. Eight miles done; four miles short of the target.

On the drive home, it hit me. I hadn’t been pretending. I had been lying to myself. All the “buts” of why this was a good idea and that I could get in 12 miles hid the truth. I don’t run at 4AM. I don’t run long runs in humidity at a 9:15 pace. I missed my target because I lied to myself about who I am.

Lesson #2: “Buts” lead to lies. Lies lead to unrealized potential and missed targets.

Photo by Pawel Czerwinski on Unsplash

“But” Problem #1

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(A series on lessons learned from running this year)

I’m sure I’ve made it clear before, but I’m okay repeating myself.

Running in the Florida summer is dreadful. This summer, however, I did much better than any summer prior. But that doesn’t mean all went well. Looking back, two particular days stand out…and they’ve got clear takeaways, both having to do with self talk where a “but” led to a problem.

Both happened on Saturdays. Both happened when I drove to run with friends in a running club. Both involved first-time experiences.

The first Saturday experience happened actually back at home after the run. That morning I decided to add a few miles for my long run of the week. And, surprisingly, I managed the run quite well. In fact, I was feeling pretty good about myself. So good, in fact, that I veered away from my normal recovery routine.

My Saturday long run routine is pretty well set.

  • Hit the pavement by 6
  • Minimum 8 miles
  • Recovery starts with a banana and water
  • Stretching while running an Epsom salt bath
  • More water and half a bagel while letting the salt do its thing
  • Shower
  • More fluid and food
  • Nap usually follows within an hour or two, if possible

On this Saturday, I broke routine. I was feeling so good, so surprisingly good, that I let a “but” lead me to break routine. And it led to a personal violation.

“I can’t believe how well I feel. I killed that run. Normally I drink more water while in the bath, but I’m feeling quite good. No water today. I’m mean, it’s only like 8-10 ounces. What’s that matter?”

Did I mention the bath is as hot as I can make it? Which means even more sweating. Which I don’t mind at all…until it’s time to stand up to shower. And this time, my body had something to say.

My body decided it had had enough. And the first-time experience was finding myself waking up on the shower floor not long after wondering, “What is the deal with my head?”

The problem with this scene was I ignored what I knew was wise, common sense, and established. I allowed my mind to accept a problematic “but.”

Lesson #1: “Buts” lead to violations. Violations lead to fetal positions in the shower.

Photo by Karim Ghantous on Unsplash

Fathered By God (review)

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I took a friend’s recommendation and read John Eldredge’s Fathered By God this week. Much better than I expected.

My friend suggested it for several reasons, but I believe he was prompted by our conversation about men’s seasons of life. There are several authors who’ve taken on this subject. Fathered By God is Eldredge’s take, and it’s worth reading.

The enemy’s one central purpose-to separate us from the Father.

Chapter 3, Boyhood

Guys, you should read it for yourself to see if you agree. But here’s the list of the six stages he walks you through:

  1. Boyhood
  2. Cowboy
  3. Warrior
  4. Lover
  5. King
  6. Sage

The problem of self-identity is not just a problem for the young. It is a problem all the time.

Chapter 8, Sage

For me, the best takeaways were from the last three stages. Not rocket science due to my age. Of those three chapters, King captured me the most. Here are three quotes from the chapter:

I remember Dallas Willard saying once that he believes the whole history of God and man recounted in the Bible is the story of God wanting to entrust men with his power, and men not being able to handle it.

Becoming a king is something we accept only as an act of obedience. The posture of the heart in a mature man is reluctance to take the throne but willing to do it on behalf of others.

One of the big lies of the king stage is the idea that now you ought to know enough to operate out of your own resources. Not true. You will be faced with new challenges, bigger challenges, and the stakes are much higher.

Chapter 7, King

It’s doubtful you’ll agree with everything Eldredge writes, but I’m guessing we’d all agree on this one:

At nearly every stage of our masculine journey, something in us needs to be dismantled and something needs to be healed.

Chapter 9, Let Us Be Intentional

If you’re curious about these stages or you are in need of dismantling or healing, give this book a chance. I’m glad I did.

What Does She See?

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On Monday, the Bradenton Police Department’s Facebook page shared this photo taken during a badge pinning ceremony for the 5th grade safety patrol from Sea Breeze Elementary. And it made me pause.

For those who don’t live in Bradenton or within a mile of this school like I do, the officer in this photo is Bradenton Chief of Police Bevan. She’s doing what I’ve seen her do on a few occasions and when we met. She’s looking this 5th grader in the eyes and taking in the person she’s shaking hands with. The look says something without words. If nothing else, those words are, “I see you.” But I’m curious what exactly does she see? And what does she hope this student is seeing in return?

No question in my mind this 5th grader is seeing something. Her age seems unimportant. In this second, she’s hearing and seeing something that could stay with her much of her life. The look on her face made me pause and ask, “What does she see? What is bringing that look of responding without words?”

Rather than suggest what those answers are, I’ll leave you to chew on it. Whatever the answers are, they bring joy. Joy to the Chief of Police. Joy to the Safety Patrol member. Joy to the photographer. Joy to this observer.

May they both continue to see and give joy!