Learning & Growth

Six Steps to Writing Your Laments

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I’m guessing if the majority of us were asked if we had anything to lament over we’d have more than one answer.

  • A relationship
  • Religion
  • Politics
  • Finances
  • Physical aches

I’m guessing if the majority of us were asked if we had a proper approach to lamenting we’d struggle to lay it out. Thankfully, Krispin Mayfield has offered some help.

In his book Attached to God, he gives six steps to writing a lament. Why? When we express our most difficult emotions to God, we draw closer to him. Intimacy with God is found in a balance of praise and lament.

In the tradition of the Psalms, here are Mayfield’s six steps:

  1. Tell God something you wish were different in your own life or the world, such as a health condition, difficult relationship, life stress, poverty, or racism.
  2. Tell God what you feel when you think about this issue; additionally, write down any emotions you might feel considering God’s inaction regarding this issue.
  3. Tell about a time in your own life or someone else’s where God intervened.
  4. Ask God to step in and address this suffering.
  5. Tell God you’re confident that your prayer is heard.
  6. Praise or recognize one of God’s attributes or characteristics, based on your past or present experience.

Sharing some of your uncomfortable emotions with God might feel strange. But you can unlock the basement when you’re assured that both God and your faith tradition can hold the parts of your experience. When you are sad, scared, or angry, your emotions aren’t signs of a lack of faith, but rather evidence that you are exactly where you need to be-at home with a God who is waiting to hear your emotions and give you the reassurance you need. (chapter 8, “From Shutdown to Engaged”)

Photo by Joshua Earle on Unsplash

Running from Joppa

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Jonah 1:3 CEV
Instead, Jonah ran from the Lord. He went to the seaport of Joppa and found a ship that was going to Spain. So he paid his fare, then got on the ship and sailed away to escape.

Most 4:30AM runs don’t make me think of Old Testament prophets. This morning, I might as well have been boarding a boat bound for Spain.

Never mind the fact that a gradual heavier rain fell over the five miles. The connection was a familiar spirit that I’ve encountered many times over my 56 years. I’ve come to identify it as the Jonah Syndrome (JS). See if these three words sound symptomatic: frustrated, angry, and resentful.

The more I chatted and listened to myself, the more I realized I wasn’t the only one in the conversation. If I’m being honest, I told God I felt pretty justified in these emotions. He didn’t disagree; but he didn’t give freedom to let them be an excuse for any actions for the day.

That’s when I turned. Instead of getting cozy on the boat kidding myself that the approaching storm had nothing to do with me, I found myself running from Joppa, visualizing the rain symbolically washing away the potential actions produced by JS. The request became, “Replace these symptoms with patience, love, and purpose.”

Here’s what I know about Joppa-you have a choice: keep running to escape or reverse course. Thankfully, God welcomes pacing anyone running from Joppa.

Photo by Justin Aikin on Unsplash

Lunch was Joyful

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I had a four-hour drive yesterday. Lots of podcast listening.

One episode shared this quote about joy from an author new to me.

Joy is the experience of being with someone who is glad to be with you. –James Wilder

It resonated with me because of my lunch encounter Thursday. I used the word joy to describe it, believe it or not.

I left the office around 1:30 not sure where lunch would find me. Turning left on Bee Ridge, it hit me. I wasn’t in a hurry, and I felt a little celebratory. I knew where to go.

Focaccia Sandwich and Bakery!

From the minute I walked in until I left, my heart was full. Besides the fact that Nick makes great food (the sandwich in the photo was the best yet), the shop exudes life. And joy is a perfect descriptor.

So why do I say Wilder’s quote applies to Nick, the owner?

Reason #1: Nick remembers everyone’s name. He makes you feel like he made that sandwich just for you. And when I say made, I mean the recipe, the presentation, the ingredients-the whole process. He wants his food to bring you joy. He’s glad you are there.

Reason #2: Nick works with joy. I’ve yet to see him have any look on his face but a mixture of pleasure, contentment, and happiness. His shop is just eight months old and has every sign of being around a long time. People want to be around joy.

I say thanks to Nick and all those in my life who bring joy. Who are those people in your life? Return the joy. Let them know you are grateful.

Hurrying Is Human

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To begin his podcast episode entitled “Quiet Compounding,” Morgan Housel shared this quote by Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu: “Nature is not in a hurry, yet everything is accomplished.” Housel then added these thoughts:

So think about giant sequoias, and advanced organisms, and towering mountain ranges. Nature builds the most jaw-dropping features of the universe, and it does so silently without trying to get attention-where growth is almost never visible right now but is staggering over long periods of time

Because his podcast is about money and finances, you can imagine where he goes from there for the next six minutes (click here to listen). When I heard this, my mind went down the personal growth lane. For that matter, life in general.

Of all the thoughts available to chase, mine went toward the gift this visual offers. Along with our striving for vocational success or relationship health or spiritual depth often comes a dump truck load of impatience. The vision demands speed, the approval starts the countdown, and the comparison creates competition.

Culture loves demands, countdowns, and competition. The countercultural eternity in our hearts draws us to pause, reflect, and look up.

May we grow in our trust that what God is after in every part of our lives will be accomplished at the right time. Rushing is futile. Hurrying is human.

Photo by Patrick Mayor on Unsplash

A Generosity Story: How a Single Mom Benefitted from the Sale of an Office Building

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Starting Point: The Zenith building in downtown Sarasota sells for $24 Million in January.

Generosity Step #1: The Zenith decides to give away thousands of dollar’s worth of furniture and equipment in the 12-story building to area nonprofits. Two of our staff make a visit and claim tables and chairs valued at $8,000.

Generosity Step #2: Sunshine Movers, who donates their time/truck/employees to assist nonprofits, picks up the donated furniture from The Zenith and delivers it to our administration office.

Generosity Step #3: Rather than discard the gently used furniture in our counseling offices The Zenith donations replaced, we look for another nonprofit to donate them to. Six days later we respond to a Facebook post sharing the need for furniture for an apartment for a single mom and her child.

Generosity Step #4: Two staff members of Hope City Church that partners with our Center offer their time and trucks to deliver the furniture to the nonprofit. Tonight, this apartment now has a couch, loveseat, and five accessory chairs.

It took several decisions made by several people to keep the generosity going long enough that a mother and her daughter feel more at home, feel comfort, feel cared for, feel loved, and feel seen.

Generosity starts with one decision. It also ends with one decision. Let’s keep making the right one.

Redeeming Conditioning

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This was the first point in yesterday morning’s sermon: You always find what you’ve been conditioned to find. I was immediately reminded of a blog post from a few years back, “We See What We Look For.”

Being conditioned is certainly a thing, a thing that many are quick to point out about others who are on the opposing side. I often wonder how much we consider our own conditioning.

For example, politically. The deeper in one gets, the more conditioned they become to seeing only one viewpoint and thus responding in defense of it. The conditioning seems impenetrable.

And unfortunately, the same seems to go for spiritually. It’s as if our identity in both of these realms cripples our ability to recognize our personal programmed perceptions and responses that leave our minds and spirits untapped.

I’ll give two examples. A few years ago I answered a question of why I believe God exists by how I believe I’ve experienced His involvement in answering prayer. Two people in the conversation immediately locked eyes and jinxed each other with their reply of, “That’s just positive manifestation.” Wall up. Dialogue over. (If this is new language to you, check out this blog post.)

This past week I was at an event where we were discussing the usage of microphones. I made a comment that I didn’t have a clue came across as judgmental. One person replied gently, “We try not to judge here.” He’s conditioned to protect against judgment; I’m a work in progress of overcoming judgment as a natural response.

May I suggest we all address conditioning in the following ways:

  1. Acknowledge you have been conditioned
  2. Consider the probability that your conditioning needs redeeming
  3. Thank God for his redeeming conditioning work
  4. Offer grace to others who find their conditioning in need of redemption

Photo by Edi Libedinsky on Unsplash

More Than a Guide

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Janet Holm McHenry has breathed life into my prayer life through her book.

I first referenced it in a post last month and took another month to finish it. Like eating red velvet waffles (Yes, that’s a thing. Had them for the first time this week. May I have another, please?), who wants to rush the goodness.

The first three words of the book’s title is true and is achieved, yet I find it to be so much more. If it breathes life into a spiritual discipline, then it’s easily described as life giving, potentially life changing.

The first indicator came from this simple suggestion in the introduction:

I pray for whatever God puts in my eyesight.

Needs some context probably. Janet was describing her shift from having a structured approach to prayer while she walked her neighborhood to praying based on what she believed God was putting in sight in that moment. That computes with “pray without ceasing” in my dictionary. Adoption #1.

I appreciate each chapter’s dedication to one prayer by Jesus. The three that had the most impression to my spirit were chapters nine, twelve, and thirteen.

A love that breeds unity is a subtle form of evangelism…Unity overlooks the faults of others who may not yet be living up to their potential, because unity knows those folks are growing in the right direction. (Chapter 9, “Jesus’ Prayer for the Church”)

Our “why” prayers are not a lack of faith; they are simply a lack of information. (Chapter 12, “Jesus’ Prayer in Abandonment”)

A prayer of submission actually is an act of strength. (Chapter 13, “Jesus’ Prayer of Submission.” She wrote this in reply to quoting Richard Foster: “It is the prayer of relinquishment that moves us from the struggling to the releasing.”)

Adoption #2, having a deeper understanding and awareness of praying for unity

Adoption #3, honoring the heart of anyone’s “why” prayer

Adoption #4, appreciating the movement and strength in submission

Her book is more than a guide. Take a read and see if you agree.

DONE

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When I tuned into the Olympics yesterday afternoon, a wrestling match was on. Wrestling is definitely one of those watch-only-every-four-years sports. So I left it there. And then this happened.

The wrestler had just won the gold medal. But it wasn’t his first. It was his fifth…in the same event…over five Olympics! He’s the first to do that. INCREDIBLE!

After celebrating, he went to the center of the mat, took off his shoes, and left them there as the sign of his retirement. Read more about him, Cuban wrestler Mijain Lopez, here.

One could have several takeaways from this scene. I’ve landed on two.

One, it’s a great goal to be able to say, “It’s done. I finished what I set out to do.”

Two, it’s a sign of a healthy mind to say, “I’m done with this part of life. I did my best. It’s time to go after my next best.”

Got any DONE goals? What will it require for you to say, “I did my best”?

Square Footage

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For most of us, at the end of our lives, our lives are going to come down to the square footage of a hospital bed. –Rabbi Steve Leder

Rabbi Leder said this in an interview on the podcast Everything Happens. Something we don’t want to hear. Yet, if we allow ourselves to ponder it, this truth is lifegiving.

I’m not really there, but in natural fashion, I’m thinking ahead a little too much. The “there” I’m referring to is downsizing. I already live in less than 800 square feet. How much more downsizing can I do?

The downsizing I’m thinking about is more along the lines of stuff, not necessarily space. There’s only so much that can join me in a hospital bed. And that makes me wonder, “How can I best gradually work my way there?”

I’m guessing it’s more about what’s in my mind and heart when my body says, “This is all I need.” Between now and then, here’s to filling my mind and heart with things that don’t require earthly square footage-answers to the prayer, “On earth as it is in heaven.”

P.S. Here’s a question: Exactly how much square footage will we get in heaven?

Photo by Alex Tyson on Unsplash

Praise: A Well-Taken Reminder

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For the last three weeks I’ve been focused on a question, a personal spiritual dialogue that I’ve shared with a few others. The question could be stated several ways, but what I’m after is an answer that enriches/refreshes relationship with God. Here are variations of the question:

  • Which is more important, focusing on what God does for us or who He is to us?
  • In my experience in the Church, is the focus on what God does or who He is?
  • What do my prayers reflect, a focus on works or on identity?
  • How do believers achieve balance between doing for and with God versus being with and knowing God?

In ways I’ll never be able to explain, the timeliness of reading the right book at the right time surfaced again this afternoon. I recently picked it up off clearance at Books A Million.

In Chapter 4 entitled “Jesus’ Prayer of Praise,” McHenry shared that Richard Foster says adoration has two forms, praise and thanksgiving. Thanksgiving expresses appreciation for what God has done; praise acknowledges who God is.

This struck me through a simple word-praise. I have been contrasting the words adoration and thanksgiving without thought to the word praise. Accepting this teaching that they are really all the same brings some relief to my analytical brain.

That final question in the list above comes from how I’ve been approaching prayer the last three weeks. I’ve leaned more in the adoring lane than the thanking or asking lane-an effort to discipline my focus on relationship. A reminder to praise is well taken.

By the way, in this chapter McHenry shared a terrific list to help us all improve our adoration. Seemed worth sharing.