The Emotionally Healthy Leader: Suggested Reading

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Most likely, you haven’t read a leadership book like Peter Scazzero’s. That should tell you something.

Most likely, you haven’t considered how keeping Sabbath could make you a healthier leader. That should tell you something.

Most likely, you’ve never been told to “face your shadow.” That should tell you something.

Most likely, you’ve not fully considered how to lead out of your marriage or singleness. That should tell you something.

Most likely, you think this book isn’t for you. That should tell you something.

3 Questions to Determine if You’re Whining

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Let’s be honest. There are plenty of ills in the world that can cause us grief. Many of these ills should grieve us. 

  • Starving, malnourished children in the richest country in the world
  • Sex trafficking in the local community
  • Child abuse or neglect in neighborhood homes
  • The destructiveness of pornography in one’s family
  • Extremists who twist religious beliefs into life-taking deeds in the land of the free and the home of the brave

These are examples of things that when we choose to talk about them we do so because we are grieved.

It’s troubling, however, to hear recurring, ongoing conversations that express the same weight of grief over lesser important things. They are not really ills at all. They are more about what we want or expect at a much lower level of societal importance, mostly because of a personal, emotional connection. And the amount of time given to complain about these things makes listeners stop and ask, “Really?”

  • Whether THAT coworker gets preferential treatment
  • Whether THAT team deflated those footballs
  • Whether THAT HOA can…
  • Whether THAT athlete deserves the hall of fame
  • Whether THAT family member should have done what they did

Let’s be honest. There’s a whole bunch of whining going on. Too much.

To be clear about what constitutes whining, here are a few defintions:

  • Whine: to complain in a petty or feeble way
  • Petty: unimportant, trivial, small-minded
  • Feeble: weak, without strength, force or effectiveness

If you’ve ever privately questioned if you’ve crossed the venting or complaining line and entered into full-blown whining, most likely the answer is yes. If you are obsessed with some petty issue and continue to stew over it, most likely the answer is yes. If your complaint is legit but you are completely powerless to do anything about it, most likely you have entered whine world. But to help you determine if you are engulfed by whining, ask yourself these three questions:

How long have I been voicing this same complaint?

  • If it has been months or even years that you have harped on this same topic, consider yourself a whiner. Your issue may be very legit; but if you have not acted on it to impact change, the feebleness of your complaint constitutes a whine.

Does what I’m complaining about have a solution within my power to achieve?

  • Most likely the issue has a solution. But not all issues we complain about are within our power to control, solve, or turn around.  In those cases, the complaint has little force or strength. It is nothing more than a powerless whine.

If so, does this conversation have a solution-based drive?

  • In the case where a complainer does have the opportunity to bring about a solution, then that should be the drive of the conversation. If that drive is missing, the complaint is a very feeble whine.

Let’s be honest. We are all tempted to whine. 

Let’s be honest. We can do better.

Let’s be honest. God grieves but doesn’t whine. We should consider our choices.

Running Tuesdays: I Run…

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by Monika Oberer

I was a horseback rider and trainer for 23 Years – in the time I lived in Switzerland – not a fitness or physically active person at all. Never did I do sports activities in school on a voluntary base, only when I had to. So when I moved to Florida in 2002 I enjoyed American fast food and gained weight. I did realize at some point that I needed to change something. Not wanting to put effort in a change, nothing happened for years. 

A friend told me about a “gym” called CURVES. “It’s great! It’s only for women, and you can go when you feel like it!” That was her line to sell it to me. So I did it and did not like to be in a room with other heavy women moving a bit and complaining about how hard it is. I quit and went back to my fast food, desserts and beer! Then I saw the neighbor across the street run. HARMONY- She looked great. She was happy. She loved life. She was just that perfect woman…(I was jealous).

One Friday night at a bar my friend at the time Amy said, “You are complaining about your looks. Why don’t you come and run with me?” ME?? I am enjoying my beer and my cigarette. WHY would I run??? She pushed me, and I gave in (probably I had one to many beer and agreed to a run).

Feeling like the world is ending is an understatement of how I felt the first time on a treadmill. Amy was a great pusher for me, and I was a great companion for her! So we “trained” for a 5K. I did it in 43 min, and I felt like winning the Olympics! I loved the vibe on the route and all the happy people. That was Summer 2008.

After doing several 5 & 10K races, I did my first 1/2 Marathon with my dear friend John Gregory in Nov 2009. He was the one telling my brain it’s okay to move from the “small” distance to the “middle” distance. I finished with a HUGE SMILE on my face in 2.01.54. THAT felt like winning the World! I was so happy, and I was getting the running bug. Definitely I did not think I ever would run long distance and enjoy it. The half marathon distance was totally okay with me and my new body.

So I registered for every 1/2 Marathon I could find. I LOVED it! “Bonded by the Pace“ was the running group name of the new running peeps I had in my life! All girls. My life had changed, and I was getting happier! BY THE MILE! 

John Gregory asked me if I was up for a Ragnar Relay race with 10 other runners. SURE!! Not really knowing what I was getting in to. Jan 2011 we did the Key West Ragnar Relay, and it was a great experience. RUN – EAT – SLEEP – REPEAT x3 

One week after that, the Girls decided we needed to do one full marathon, only one. Then we go back to the 1/2 ones…… 
Training started, and I started to fall in love with my running shorts more and more!! 

Miami Marathon Jan 2012 4.42.06 NOW I WAS ADDICTED! I crossed the finish line and told my mom in HAPPY TEARS, “I am going to run Chicago 26.2!!”

Rebekah, my extreme running friend (we ran since I trained for my first 1/2 Marathon), introduced me to the LWR Running Club. I was the slowest at my first run with them. After some time I got a chance to keep up with some of them; that’s how I met my dear awesome mentor and friend for life, Lorraine. When she heard I wanted to do Chicago she just said, “Okay girl, lets do it! Get ready because you will have to train 5 days a week hard with me!” Oh yes, she was not kidding! I started to go to the GYM and ran pounds off my body! 

Chicago 2014 – 4.01.36 

So after that I decided I need to go places! Travel and do marathons! 

Two weeks later I did the Marine Corps Marathon with Rebekah – an amazing experience with a wonderful amazing friend! 

September 2015 I BQ 3.38.32, and in April 2016 I was privileged to run the Boston Marathon 

I have so many memories with so many miles. One thing is very clear-I RUN BECAUSE IT MAKES ME HAPPY. It was a long path until I got there, but so worth it. 

I have met so many great people and had so many great moments. I only look back to the late nights, fast food, cigarettes and too much beer with a smile and say, “Yes, that WAS YOU.” I love the new me! 

It’s not always easy; it hurts; it gets hard; I feel every muscle in my body, however not all runs have to be great! It’s a lifestyle I chose, and I pace it to my health. 

I am thankful and happy for every mile I can do with my own feet.

What It Means to Be an Idiot

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I’m an idiot. Some of you already know that. For the rest of you, here’s proof.

Tuesday a week ago I had dinner with two of my running friends; you’ve been introduced to them, Lorraine and Monika, as guest bloggers for Running Tuesdays. In our dinner talk, Lorraine and I found out that we share similar running issues with our calves. My calves have always given me issues, particularly when building up mileage or adding in speed work. In telling me what she has tried to overcome this issue, Lorraine mentioned she wears orthotics. 

In that moment, here were the thoughts in my head: 

That’s interesting. I have orthotics. I got them for a foot problem-pinched nerve. It hasn’t crossed my mind that I should try them for a calf issue. I wear them off and on if my foot gets aggravated. Maybe I should wear them more often. Of course, the podiatrist told me 4 years ago to wear them all the time, but what does he know.

As my friends are known for, they pressed me about what I was going to do about my calves. So I sheepishly admitted I had orthotics and rarely wear them. 

You know that look that your mother or the doctor gives you when you say something stupid? Well, I got two of those immediately. Good friends, huh?

So I went home and googled my issue. Of course, I found articles giving the pros and cons of orthotics. But I read enough to convince me I’d be an idiot not to give them a try. After all, all they do is sit in my closet. (In case you’re curious about this running problem, here’s one Article I found that backed up this decision.)

So that’s what I did. I ran the next morning, then the next morning. Following that second morning, here’s my text to one of my friends:

Orthotics in. Ran 3.2 yesterday, 4.7 just now. No issues. It never crossed my mind that this might be a solution. You’ve waited a long time to say it, so I’ll say it for you: I’m an idiot.

(Her reply): Lol. I just cracked out loud!!! We need friends in our life to help us see the real things. And only the real friends will tell us. You’re not an idiot…just a bit slow…the foot is attached to your calf, idiot…Lol.

Since then I’ve ran three times for about 20 miles…wearing orthotics…still no issues.

Life Application: Check the “closet.” The answer to your problem may already be in your possession. We’re all idiots when we ignore, overlook, discount or reject truth, advice, counsel, and God-given remedies. And that’s what it means to be an idiot.

What if God Doesn’t Meet My Expectations?

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In his book The Prisoner in the Third Cell, Gene Edwards makes you face this question. That’s a good thing. Why? Because all of mankind has silently or openly asked it but not all have dared to stop and determine their answer.

Edwards makes you face this question by telling the story of John the Baptist. His was definitely a unique life. And at the end of it, he had questions that we can’t be certain he found satisfactory answers before his life was disregardly taken.

Other biblical characters faced the same challenge-Joseph, Job, Peter, Elijah, Ruth, Mary, Noah, Jonah, John, to name a few. Some of these were graciously granted a resurrected view of God before they died, but even that cannot be guaranteed to anyone who places their faith in God.

And therein is the core of the question. How deep is your faith? When your finite expectations are tested by an infinite God, what do you do? Will you continue to follow? If you want to be challenged to meditate further on these questions, this book is a good resource. If you can’t answer yes to the blog title question, this book should be in your next-to-read pile.

Running Tuesdays: Do What You Say

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By Lorraine Kennimouth-Williams

Although I have been exercising for as long as I can remember, I started running because I thought, “it looked like the cool thing to do,” but that’s not why I continued. I started running when I was in my early thirties and living in Germany. Since I taught classes to the military, most of my time was spent around American service members who, by virtue of being in the service, were required to run.

One day while teaching class I mentioned that I would really like to start running, and a military Chaplains’ Assistant took me up on it! He told me he was a runner and needed a running partner to help motivate him. I volunteered for the task at hand. Terry Blomquist became my running buddy! We ran together for several years, and he turned out to be the most amazing mentor ever. Terry and I never ran races; we just “ran.” The longest we ever ran together was 6 – 8 miles – all trail. I had no idea back then what fast was and didn’t know how fast I was! It was all fun and fitness.

At some point during my running I injured my knee and the docs couldn’t figure out what was going on so…. Terry left to return to the States and I stopped running! I stopped running for a VERY long time; in fact I didn’t run for close to 12 years!!

In April 2006, both my husband’s job and mine took us from Washington DC to Lakewood Ranch where the weather was amazing! Through work, I had daily interactions with a Captain who owned a running store and was also the President of the Bradenton Runners Club (BRC); it was he (and the amazing weather) who got me back on the road to running again. When I talked about my desire to run, he essentially would tell me to “put up or shut up”; his attitude gave me the push I needed! Steve Litschauer introduced me to the wonderful folks of the BRC, and it was there a runner was reborn.

I initially started out as one of their slower runner, but it didn’t take long before I was running with the best of them. The Bradenton Runners are the most amazing group of people you could meet; they are the “Runners runner”! Always looking out for the new guys, so inspirational!

One of the most inspirational individuals at BRC I have had the privilege of meeting is Chuck Vanduzee. Chuck is 70+ years old and has run 320+ marathons! Yep – Three Hundred and Twenty plus marathons to date! Chuck got me through my first long run. It was out at Anna Marie Island, and it was 11 miles long. At the time, I had not run anything longer than 8 miles; he talked me through the whole run! I had no idea what he was doing. I just remember him asking me a gazillion questions and showing interest beyond belief in everything I said; it was only when I had finished I realized what he was up to. Chuck is my favorite runner of all time!!

Why do I run? The age-old question…. Not everybody has the passion to run long distance. Many of my friends are extremely athletic with no desire to run long distance – EVER! It is not for everyone. I do it because I enjoy it. I believe it would be close to impossible to run 4+ hours straight if you didn’t enjoy it. I find it to be meditative, challenging, competitive, willpower building, motivational and much more. And…. I still believe I do it because I have something to prove to myself every day. I have an obsession with follow through, maybe because I didn’t witness it as a child growing up. If you say you’re going to do something then do it; simply follow through. Running gives me that – a huge sense of accomplishment. There are many times during a marathon that I have so wanted to just STOP, give up and walk away, but my strong conviction with follow through has never given me permission; it just keeps me going.

We can do anything we want in life; the only thing standing in the way is ourselves. The minute we see this and accept this, life becomes so much more manageable. Running has taught me this wonderfully important message. Therefore I will keep on running.

Introducing Fruity Fridays

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One of the best passages of the Gospels is John 14-17. Some of Jesus’ most memorable statements and promises are included in these chapters. 

Some of those statements probably didn’t register with his audience right away, but certainly within a few decades they did. One thing he wanted them to know was that he would soon be leaving but that they wouldn’t be alone. He promised to send them the Helper, the Spirit of Truth; he promised that the Helper would come from the Father just like he did. That truth alone would take on greater significance after he would show them his power over death and the grave.

One of the main reasons the Helper was coming was to continue and expand the work Jesus had begun. Jesus said, “I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without me you can do nothing.” His followers were to be part of this work, bearing fruit in the physical absence of the Vine. That’s where the Helper comes in. And that’s why Paul writes about walking in the Spirit in Galatians 5. 

Without the Holy Spirit, we are on our own to fight off sinful temptations. Jesus said he would send the Holy Spirit to guide us. When we allow him to guide us, we can then live supernaturally because we have given him control of our minds and actions. That’s what Paul is describing in Galatians 5 – Christians who go beyond buying fire insurance. Fruit-producing Christians do things that make others stand in awe, not in awe of them but in the God they say they follow.

By choosing to follow the Holy Spirit rather than yourself, you can supernaturally…

  • …love that unneighborly neighbor
  • …exude joy during chemo treatments
  • …bring peace to the family Christmas table
  • …be longsuffering with your addicted child
  • …offer kindness to your overbearing boss
  • …model goodness to your child’s bully
  • …exhibit faithfulness as you move toward retirement
  • …gift gentleness to your aging parent
  • …control yourself selecting your items in Publix

Starting this Friday, you’ll see postings called Fruity Friday. I’ve invited some guest bloggers to join me in writing about all nine of the fruits of the Spirit Paul mentions in Galatians 5. We hope you are encouraged in your walk, in your fruit producing. Welcome to Fruity Fridays.

Running Tuesdays: The Gift of Running

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The question is why.

  • Why get up at 5am period, first of all? And then you go run?
  • Why put your body through it? What about your knees?
  • Why run when you can swim, bike, or at least use the elliptical?

That last one is easy. The elliptical was designed by the devil. Biking bores me. Swimming? I do it, but mostly for cross training or when my legs need a break. But do I love it? About like eating yogurt when you want ice cream.

Now about the body, that one is a little more complicated. If you haven’t already, google “is running good for you,” and you’ll find articles arguing both sides. It seems everyone agrees running isn’t for everyone. Not all bodies are built for it. Yet, many bodies thrive on it, even the pain of it. Here’s an article about pain, in particular the pain that runners, like ultra marathoners, tend to actually crave. As for the knees, thankfully mine haven’t been a problem for me. I believe that’s mostly due to making right choices about shoes, stretching, and rest. Speaking of right choices for the body, I certainly could do more cross training (look for more on this subject in the future). That is where the body is shored up to withstand the life of a runner. For me, I’m fortunate that running is for me and, of course, side with those who believe running is good for the body.

Scott Jurek says he runs to test his body and mind. Good for him. I’m fine with the tests my body and mind have passed and don’t feel the need to prove anything else in those areas. My reason for running is quite simple. I enjoy it. The struggle. The movement. The freedom. The solitude. The choice to think or not to think. The release. The joy. And when you cross a finish line knowing that you enjoyed the journey and completed what you committed to, you are stronger and have the peace of accomplishment. The pain is worth it.

Ryan Hall says he runs because God gifted him to, and he believes it glorifies God to use that gift. I’m no Ryan Hall. But I do thank God for giving all of us the gift of running.

More than Being In

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There is a vast difference between being in something and actually being it. For example, being an American is vastly different from being in America. Ask anyone who’s gone through getting their citizenship.

So when Paul writes in Ephesians 5 that “…you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord,” he’s saying something rather significant. He didn’t say you were once in the dark and now you are in the light. He said you were dark and now you’re light. A vast difference. Being in the dark isn’t as dire as being dark; being in the light isn’t as powerful as being light.

Believers have been changed. They are now light. As believers, it seems we walk too often trying to be in something rather than actually being who we are through the new person our faith in the resurrected power of Jesus has created us to be. Yes, we are to walk in His light. But we are also to be light. Our lives can be much more than just being in the Light. 

I am finding the more I take hold of this new identity the more I am light rather than just being in it. I am finding out more “what is acceptable to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:10).

To Do #8, according to science

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In an article posted yesterday, Jeff Haden lists nine things science says to do to be happier. Here’s #8 (time to “moderately” hit the pool):

8. Exercise for twenty minutes after you wake up.

Researchers at the University of Vermont found that aerobic training of “moderate intensity,” with an average heart rate of around 112 beats a minute–elevated, sure, but it’s not like they were hammering away — improved participants’ mood for up to twelve hours after exercise.

According to Dr. Jeremy Sibold, “Moderate intensity aerobic exercise improves mood immediately and those improvements can last up to 12 hours. This goes a long way to show that even moderate aerobic exercise has the potential to mitigate the daily stress that results in your mood being disturbed.”

And you’ll also feel smarter; exercise creates new brain cells and makes those new cells more effective. As Gretchen Reynolds says, “Exercise does more to bolster thinking than thinking does.”

So there you go: Work out first thing. Feel better. Be smarter. Sure, you could work out after work, but then the happy feelings and extra brain power will be wasted while you’re asleep.

Remember, you only need to do about 20 minutes of moderate aerobic exercise. For most people, “moderate” means your heart rate should be within 100 to 120 beats per minute (depending on age, fitness level, medical conditions, etc.).

That’s a small price to pay for being happier all day.