Honoring Tiny Achievements

Along with back to blogging, I’ve renewed listening to podcast episodes. If I were so inclined, I’d post on a regular basis responses to these episodes. But rather than burden myself with that task, I most often choose to point you to them. But not this time. This episode is too rich. Here’s the first of three responses to a timely episode of Everything Happens.

In Kate‘s conversation with Parker Palmer entitled Standing in the Gap, he shares a twist on journaling worth exploring. Rather than narrow it down, here’s the portion of the transcript for you to hear Parker’s description:

I was talking with this therapist who said, what I want you to do in the midst of this despair you have about being nothing and nobody and of no use, a worm, I want you to start keeping a journal. And I just, you know, drew whatever energy I could and did the fair imitation of a depressed blow up which isn’t a real blow up because you just don’t have the energy for a real blow up. But I said, are you out of your mind? I can’t write a sentence. I can’t read a page. I get lost in the very act of trying to articulate a thought or absorb it sort from the outside. He said, well, I’m not talking about a lengthy discursive journal. I’m talking about a journal of tiny achievements. And I said, what does that mean? And he said, well, for example, you told me that you were finally able to get up at 10:30 this morning, having spent most of the night and morning just in a darkened bedroom hiding under the covers. He says, write that down in the journal. You also you also told me that today you were able to get out on your bike, which is your preferred mode of exercise, because you don’t have to talk to anybody when you’re on a bike. And in this state, you’re incapable of even a simple conversation with a neighbor. You were able to ride your bike for ten minutes. Write it down. Tomorrow, start a new page with a new date. What you’re going to find, if you are faithful to this simple, this journal of tiny achievements, you’re going to find that you’re getting up a little earlier from time to time. You’re going to find that you’re riding your bike a little longer from time to time. The day’s going to come when things are going to start feeling a little more normal from time to time. The pattern of depression is sawtooth. It’s sometimes better, sometimes worse, day in and day out. Now, I was a guy for whom an achievement was writing a new book, selling 100,000 copies, getting great reviews, being invited to give talks and workshops all over the country. That’s how I spent 40 plus years of my life. These didn’t seem like achievements at all. But I today, to this day, in good mental health and in times when things are a little dark, I have recalibrated my sense of what an achievement is, and I embrace myself over much smaller achievements. And at age 85, when I probably don’t have another book in me and I don’t have a lot of post-COVID travel in me, this is probably as important as it was to honor my tiny achievements as it was when I was in deep depression. It’s a tool. And for me, it worked.

Parker has journeyed through several bouts of clinical depression. This suggestion from his therapist has turned into a life-changing, long-lasting practice. He called it a tool. That it is.

I’d also call it a blessing. Why? My last conversation with my spiritual director resulted in my awareness of needing to revive a gratitude exercise I’d abandoned. It’s a tool that helps keep me focused on the best things. It’s grounding. That’s a blessing. I imagine acknowledging tiny achievements also a blessing. Often times, my statements of gratitude seem tiny as well. But boy do they offer recalibration. Seriously, sometimes it’s good to just be grateful for toothpaste and soap. Tiny things usher in humility.

Thank you, Parker Palmer, for encouraging me to not only be grateful for tiny things, but to also honor tiny achievements.

So here we go from the first half of my Sunday:

  • Stopping to get gas before the light came on
  • Retrieving a shopping cart out of the Winn Dixie parking lot bushes so the buggy guy had one less to corral
  • Saving over 30% on groceries (A big shoutout to the inventor of BOGOs…huge achievement)
  • Out of bed after the first alarm…no snooze button today
  • Posting for a second day in a row
  • Not giving in to the temptation to respond to divisive Facebook posts

I encourage you to utilize Parker’s tool before the end of the day. May you find value and peace in your honoring.

Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash

Deeper, Stronger Love

About this time last Saturday, I was sitting in the stands of Washington-Grizzly Stadium on the campus of the University of Montana in Missoula waiting for the Zootown Challenge 5k to start. Not too sure how the race would go due to fighting off altitude sickness the last 18 hours, I was anxious to get moving.

When they separated the competitors based on expected pace, I ended up standing by this guy, one of several competitors wearing the same shirt.

I asked, “Tell me about the shirt so many of you are wearing. Are you part of a team?”

“No,” he smiled. “We’re just all here to remember my brother, the guy on our shirts. He died last year. He ran this race the first two years it was put on, so we’re all here to honor him.”

“That’s really amazing. There are a lot of you. How many are there?”

“54. And he’s laughing right now. This is something I never do.”

We chuckled at that thought and ended the short chat with encouragement. Basically, no matter what, we’re going to get this done. The line started moving, and we eventually separated. I passed him once on the course with a nod to keep moving.

Nothing was said about how his brother died. A year later, that wasn’t important to share in a random conversation with a stranger. What was most clear was the brother left behind loved his lost brother and was doing things now because of what he saw and remembers. I’m guessing being in that stadium and running the course was a way for him to say, “I haven’t forgotten you. Odd to say, but I love you probably now more than ever.”

This was fresh in my mind as I had just read these words from Henri Nouwen’s book Life of the Beloved:

I am called to trust that life is a preparation for death as a final act of giving…If love is, indeed, stronger than death, then death has the potential to deepen and strengthen the bonds of love. It was only after Jesus had left his disciples that they were able to grasp what he truly meant to them. But isn’t that true for all who die in love? (Chapter 8, “Given”)

May your loves deepen and strengthen.

Dear Keith

I can’t explain it. You totally caught me off guard, and honestly, sort of freaked me out.

Friday at lunch I was telling LeeAnn a story. Like a flash in a dream, there you were sitting beside her. And you were gone as soon as you had come. You took my breath away. And then I probably freaked her out.

I couldn’t take my eyes off the empty booth across from me. I couldn’t speak, overwhelmed with shocks of joy and sadness. The sight of you right beside her just like it was a normal day here on earth was simultaneously bizarre, natural, and beautiful.

When I finally composed myself, all I could say to LeeAnn to explain my sudden pause was, “I wish Keith was here to hear this story.” Typical LeeAnn, she flowed with it. But she said something that still has me thinking. After stating she wished the same thing, she told me my moment was honoring. I suppose it was.

I was at your memorial service. I didn’t share anything from the stage. So I never publicly shared any statements of honor. But apparently, twelve years later, it’s coming out. Had I had the opportunity to say something then, who knows what I would have said. But having had you on my mind for two days, here are three things I honor you for.

You took phone calls. It’s been almost 15 years since we had a very memorable phone call. I was beside myself. You were steady as a rock. You talked me off the ledge and gave me courage when mine was gone. Because of your faithful presence to your friends, many of us carried on when we thought it was impossible.

You cheered. No, I’m not talking about for Alabama, although that’s true. I’m talking about your unending support for anyone pursuing growth, needing support, or lacking that “I believe in you” voice. I’m guessing it was true for men and women, but you seemed to have a God-given heart for guys that is rare and therefore highly valuable.

You gave. The fact that you X-men-like showed up at lunch testifies to this. But the biggest testament to this is what I see now in your family. They carry on the giving. They know how to give because you modeled it and never stopped.

No, you weren’t physically at Ferraro’s on Friday. But without question, you were spiritually. If my tears and these words honor you, so be it. I’m grateful to have seen you and to have been reminded of these important ways you blessed so many.

Thank you for joining the booth…Roll Tide!

Photo by Ambitious Studio* – Rick Barrett on Unsplash

Straight Paths

“In all your ways know him, and he will make your paths straight.”
Proverbs 3:6 CSB
https://bible.com/bible/1713/pro.3.6.CSB

Often when praying for others, I ask God to make their paths straight. Other translations read that God will keep you on track or show you which way to go.

This blessing from God is preceded by knowing him in all our ways. Other ways to say that is to seek his will, to submit to him, and to listen to his voice.

How could this play out?

  • Listen for his direction about financial planning (purchases, saving, investing, charity)
  • Submit to his ways in honoring others (family, leaders)
  • Seek his wisdom and place it above anyone else’s (otherwise, you’re letting someone else determine your path)

Praying this for others clears the way for the start of their path. Interestingly, it also challenges me to do the same for myself.

Here’s to straight paths!

31 Proverbs Highlights: #22-Endless Honor and Respect

(A simple series highlighting verses from each chapter of the book of Proverbs) 

The rich and the poor have this in common: the Lord made them both… Drive out a mocker, and conflict goes too; then quarreling and dishonor will cease. Proverbs 22:2,10 HCSB

Besides the rich and the poor both being made by God, here are some other “couples”:

  • Educated and Uneducated 
  • Healthy and Unhealthy
  • Old and Young
  • Country and City 
  • Married and Single
  • Churchgoer and Never been before 
  • North American and Arab American
  • Artists and Athletes 
  • Conservatives and Liberals
  • Those who live in Florida and Those who visit Florida

This list is endless. What shouldn’t be endless is any mocking between these God-created couples. 

Endless Honor and Respect is what God-created couples should embrace.

31 Proverbs Highlights: #20-Honorable Men

(A simple series highlighting verses from each chapter of the book of Proverbs)

It is honorable for a man to resolve a dispute, but any fool can get himself into a quarrel…Many a man proclaims his own loyalty, but who can find a trustworthy man? (‭Proverbs‬ ‭20‬:‭3‬,6 HCSB)

“A good man is hard to find.” How many times have you heard that statement? (Let’s not get into where and by whom)

“An honorable man is hard to find.” I can’t say I’ve ever heard that one. Can you?

Maybe we should have. Or maybe we should be asking it.

These two verses start the list of what makes a man honorable:

  • He works to resolve a dispute rather than pick a fight.
  • He doesn’t always have to get his way.
  • He doesn’t look for an argument just to get into one.
  • He doesn’t have to proclaim his loyalty.
  • He proves his trustworthiness over and over again not out of necessity but by nature of his character.

What else makes a man honorable? Leave a comment if you have an answer.