Life

An Open Letter to 4:30AM Single Mom

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Dear Single Mom,

It was a significant insignificant comment. And it stuck. Most likely you had no idea. But that’s usually how those go.

In describing your morning routine, you halted then flew by the fact you get up at 4:30 in order to get everyone ready for the day and get to work. As a guy who moans about mornings period, that didn’t go unnoticed. As an adult with no children, that urged my respect. As a bachelor, that forced a pause.

In my opinion, no one in their right mind chooses to get up at 4:30. But you don’t really have a choice. And I’m guessing that’s because if you don’t you might lose your mind. And you nor your children can afford that; at least, that’s what you’re modeling.

I’m guessing if I could ask 16-year-old you what you’d be doing at your age, she wouldn’t say getting up at 4:30 to do “all the things”:

  • Have three minutes to yourself
  • Shower/dress/etc.
  • Check the dryer
  • Check the dishwasher
  • Wake the rest of the house
  • Prepare breakfast/lunch/dinner
  • Sign school stuff
  • Doublecheck everyone’s everything as you walk to the car

And that’s just the physical stuff. Lack of life experience leaves her unable to comprehend the emotional journey she’s going to take between then and now. No matter why you’re single (never married, divorced, separated, widowed), she has no idea the weight on your shoulders, much less your heart. All the emotions I won’t bother to list-generated by your own thoughts and likely magnified by those who should know better-she had no idea they were coming.

Before I share the five things I most want you know, I want you to know that we (dad, mom, siblings, children, neighbors, coworkers, friends) see you. We see your tenacity. We see your fortitude. We see your faithfulness. We see your love. Even though you didn’t choose this place, you are choosing to stay in it. No leaving. No abandoning. No quitting. No resigning.

And all the things we see, God sees. I believe he wants you to know he is pleased with you today and every day.

I close with these final thoughts:

  1. I’m sorry for all the judgment you’ve gotten/get/will get. It’s ugly. And it’s not a gift from God.
  2. I’m sorry your 16-year-old-self’s dreams aren’t reality. Yes, that’s life. But it’s not the vision you had. Yet, God is with you even in the broken dreams.
  3. I’m happy your children have you. You are the mom God intended them to have. He knows that. They know that. We all know that.
  4. I’m grateful for your faith model. Not everyone chooses to keep their faith when their dreams are shattered. Be of good courage. Fear not.
  5. Tomorrow is the next day of the rest of your life. Sure, reconcile with the past. But God has something ahead that only He can give you. Keep getting up. The rest of your life is waiting.

Photo by Benjamin Manley on Unsplash

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Weeds in the Shadows

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In my efforts to look up these days, something caught my eye today as I walked by this church steeple. Do you see it?

Looks like they’ve been growing for a while. Probably hasn’t caught too many people’s eyes…yet. It is on the other side from the road view. And the roofline of the building behind them also keeps them hidden. Do you see them?

My first question was a pretty obvious one: How in the world are those weeds growing there? Something like 30 feet off the ground, on a dirtless structure. Weird.

My next question was more reflective: How many steeples have weeds growing in their shadow that aren’t being addressed? In this case, I’m thinking about all kinds of things.

  • Accountability of leadership
  • Protection for members
  • Factions forming over nonspiritual concerns
  • Workaholic pastors
  • Financial mismanagement
  • Emotional imbalances

Of course, this thought could be asked about all social units, corporations, and communities.

Weeds aren’t hard to identify or address. This requires two basic routines: observant eyes and willing hands.

Observant eyes are aware that weeds grow and aren’t surprised when they see them. Without willing hands to address the weeds, the weeds keep growing, they go unaddressed. Willing hands define those who know that the weeds must be addressed and aren’t afraid to do so, the sooner the better.

Which are you, the observant eyes or the willing hands?

What’s being done about the weeds in the shadows in your family, in your city, in your business, in your church, in your own heart?

5 Steps to Customize Your Own Year-Long Bible Reading Plan on YouVersion

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A year’s commitment to anything can sound daunting. I imagine that’s the feeling most people have when they consider committing to a 365-day Bible reading plan.

Besides that, most of those plans are designed to take you through the entire Bible. A worthy goal for sure-I believe one that should be set and achieved at least once in life. Yet, the challenge to get that done in a year can be tempting to ditch, say, around Numbers 22 (just a random guess…nothing scientific…or biased against whatever happens in that chapter and book).

I completed one of those plans once on YouVersion…in about 3 years. See my point.

It took me that long because I choose to take my time. And I like to veer off track. If I want to campout in Jonah longer, I do. If I’m intrigued by a theme in Romans, I’ll take a break from the plan and complete other plans covering that theme…as many as I want as long as I want. I color outside the lines.

But the idea of reading a portion of the Bible every day does not mean you have to read the entire Bible in any set amount of time. All it means is placing a priority, developing a rhythm in your day that includes reading the Bible. Whenever you do it, how long you do it, where you do it, that’s entirely up to you. And, for those other rule breakers, what you read is also entirely up to you.

For quite a while, I’ve been using YouVersion reading plans. And for the first time this year, I’ve decided to use them to customize a year-long reading plan. It’s already added richness to my reading. Want to give it a try? Here’s how I’m doing it.

  1. Determine to Make a Daily Commitment. Pretty obvious, but if you aren’t resolved to it, you won’t make it to December 31st. Sure, you might miss a day here or there. Understandable. I have already. Give yourself some grace and think about the fact that odds are you’ve got 5 minutes to give to this commitment and missing it a couple of times doesn’t make you a loser. If you are in, move on to step 2.
  2. Decide on a Theme. There’s a popular trend that’s replacing making New Year’s Resolutions. Instead of setting goals and aspirations, you choose a word that you’d like to guide you for the year. Not sure about that, check out this podcast episode to learn more. I started this in 2020. Each year I’ve utilized it differently, more broadly. This year, that word is what I’m using to customize my Bible reading. My word for 2023 is rich (maybe more on that later). Know your theme? Move on to step 3.
  3. Search Plans. On the YouVersion app (download it now if you haven’t already), you can search for reading plans simply by typing in a word. When I typed in rich, dozens of reading plans were available. You’re ready for step 4.
  4. Save for Later. On each plan description, you have two choices: sample and save for later. Sample allows you to check out any day of the plan. I do that to get an impression if I think I’ll complete it. If I think so, then I save it for later. You don’t have to start the plan when you find it. I’m not worrying about saving enough plans that equal 365 days, by the way. I just saved the ones that looked interesting to me for now. At the moment, I’ve saved enough plans to get me through April (total up the days for each plan to see how many days you’ve already covered). Saved at least one plan? Final step is next.
  5. Follow the Thread. As you read each plan, some verse/story/character will stand out, grab your attention. Take note. Follow that lead to search for other plans to save for later. For instance, since I did my initial plan saving, the book of Luke and the chapter of 1 Chronicles 29 have gotten my attention. Adding reading plans for those has increased my initial plan list by five plans adding 53 days. Feels very fluid and interactive.

That’s it. I’m convinced this approach is going to continue to prove worthwhile and meaningful. By the end of the year, I anticipate remembering more, appreciating more, and embracing more of the Bible. I’ll be more rich.

By the way, I just looked up Numbers 22. That’s where a donkey talks. You might want to check it out. Not sure what thread that starts, but have fun.

Who’s Your Alvin?

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Yesterday I met Alvin. Alvin is a medical assistant. I was in his office for an exam.

At the start, he had that moment where he was trying to create conversation, somewhat to see if his patient would talk. Did I need to talk or not, you know, that awkward avoidance of silence that we try to fill. He wouldn’t know that I wasn’t looking for conversation. It was 8AM. But I honored his efforts.

One way I did that was to ask about the very faint music I heard. His replied, “Oh, it’s Christian music. I have to have it playing.”

That’s all it took. When I said I thought I recognized the music, he felt released to go down the church conversation. I let him guide the conversation, inquire whatever he wanted, express his thoughts, etc.

How would I have known that he’d land on the topic of how challenging the job of being a pastor is? He described his observations about people having no idea the things pastors have to deal with, how scrutinized they are, the stress they deal with, and that they rarely seem to be able to relax.

Then he said this: “My pastor and I have a pretty close relationship that I’m grateful for. And our family makes a point to make our home a safe place for him and his family. I’ll call him up and invite them over just to give them a place to be themselves and hopefully release some stress. We don’t talk about church stuff. Our family wants to make sure we do what we can to support the pastor and his family.”

I’m just smiling on the inside and saying to myself, “He has no idea who he’s talking to.” Then he asked what I thought about it. I decided to answer that I’m a preacher’s kid. He busted out laughing. “Well, I don’t have to tell you. You’ve seen it all, from the inside.” I left it at that.

I was Alvin’s first patient. I left thinking he’d had a good start to the day. I know I had. Why? I witnessed a man not only seeking to live a holy life given a chance to express his faith but also to model what many people need in their lives. Many people, particularly anyone in a leadership position, need safe people. The safe people they need have no agenda other than to honor them, respect them, accept them as human beings, and support them in ways they may not even know or acknowledge they need.

But let’s be real. Everyone needs safe people. Everyone needs an Alvin. And we all have the chance to be an Alvin.

Who’s your Alvin?

Whose Alvin are you?

Photo by Tyler Nix on Unsplash

Meaningful Life Light

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“Everyone you meet is a rough draft of the final story God is writing for their life.”

Jamie Erickson, Holy Hygge

This quote is still with me. Not because we haven’t already heard the analogy about life being a story, having a story to tell, our stories being unique, or next chapters. This particular quote highlights three thoughts casting a meaningful light.

“Everyone you meet…” God is writing everyone’s story. Not just the people close to you. Not just your coworkers. Everyone.

  • The Indiana Snowbird
  • The Hotel Desk Clerk
  • The Ice Cream Shop Scooper
  • The FedEx delivery guy
  • The AC repair guy

There isn’t anyone alive, all eight billion, whose story God isn’t writing.

“…is a rough draft of the final story…” It’s not done. The plot is unfolding. The future isn’t fixed.

  • The divorcee’s story isn’t final
  • The addict’s story isn’t final
  • The college dropout’s story isn’t final
  • The early retiree’s story isn’t final
  • The great grandmother’s story isn’t final

Today is the next page in everyone’s final story.

“…God is writing…” The story’s author determines its outcome. Big question: what happens when I steal the pen from God…

  • …in my financial story?
  • …in my family story?
  • …in my faith story?
  • …in my vocational story?
  • …in my golden year’s story?

There’s freedom in trusting God to write the story.

Photo by MJ S on Unsplash

The Hollywood Commandments (book review)

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While on vacation I caught an interview of a hollywood executive. His infusion of his faith into his work intrigued me. His name was new to me, but I quickly learned that he’s worked on many projects that I’ve watched. His name is Devon Franklin. The interview was old, surrounding the release of a book. When I looked it up on hoopla, it wasn’t available, but another book more recently published was. So I borrowed it to read the rest of my time away.

Franklin has a few agendas in this book. One major one is to dispel the myth that Christians can’t be called to work in the entertainment industry. He respectfully gives illustrations of how he overcame this myth after being taught it and discouraged in his pursuit of his passion to produce life-changing projects.

Success comes from being the distinctive person that God created us to be…The moment you begin to exchange what makes you different for what makes you ordinary because you want to fit in, you give away that which God wants to use to elevate you and take you somewhere extraordinary.

Chapter 8, Your Difference is Your Destiny

A second agenda is to lay out his ten commandments to not only succeed in the entertainment business but in life in general. He’s clear that success isn’t possible without the guidance and daily presence of God in your life. He illustrates from his own journey the importance of prayer, service, understanding God’s view of your talent, and distinguishing between your intuition and God’s.

We don’t get enough experience through the church in trusting our intuition, which is strange because intuition and instinct are really the Holy Spirit at work in us…Originality terrifies people…Prayer helps you determine who is speaking through your intuition, God or you.

Chapter 5, Your Gut is Hiding God

Is this book for everyone? No. But if you’re needing some clarity, even some encouragement on pursuing success in your career with a spiritual mindset, give Franklin a look.

Stop worrying so much about immediate results and start appreciating the process…If you’re going to survive in any field, you just can’t take yourself too seriously. Having a short memory goes a long way.

Chapter 9, Your Amnesia is an Asset

The Church Gathers To…

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I’m now in the bonus episodes of The Rise & Fall of Mars Hill. The episode Everything is Still Falling Apart has this quote that had me saying, “Heard.”

The whole purpose of the gathering of the church is to prepare people for their encounters with death…Everything we do runs in the opposite direction. It’s all in the direction of triumphalism. It’s all in the direction of how great life can be if we get our act together or follow this leader.

Mike Cosper is referring to the writings of another leader. It richly resignates with me. It seems like another way to paint the picture of living for the kingdom of heaven, not building treasures here, etc.

In some odd way this thought validates what I’ve often told people. If I had a choice between participating in a wedding or a funeral, hands down I pick a funeral. Whatever you call it, life celebration/memorial service/funeral, everyone comes with a reality check in their minds and souls. So much room exists, so many impactful moments are possible in the days surrounding the passing of a loved one. If we are prepared, we don’t miss them, and they have the potential for even deeper joy in our sorrow than we experience in other expected, highly anticipated, and tremendously prepared for joyful life moments.

How’s your church preparing you for death? Probably not a question you’ve ever asked. Which probably indicates it’s worth answering.

Photo by Antoine J. on Unsplash

Jack’s Purpose

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Jack Dietrich passed away a couple of weeks ago. He was 92. His memorial service was held yesterday.

I didn’t know Jack (A friend asked me on behalf of the family to sing his favorite hymn, “How Great Thou Art.”) But the service was one of those that when you left you felt like you knew the person regardless of previous history.

Everyone who spoke weaved the story of Jack’s life which included his influence on their teaching careers, his love of family and really everyone, his witty humor, and his outspoken faith. Apparently, if you walked by his porch on the way to the beach, most likely you got an introduction to sit with Jack.

That was the neighbor’s story who gave the eulogy. His initial introductory conversation with Jack lasted three hours and started an unexpected, life-changing relationship. As he described it, the life change was for both of them.

Although Jack had lived a full and successful life, he asked his neighbor the same question I’m guessing all 92-year-olds do. “Why am I still here?” His neighbor unashamedly told him, “You’re here for me. God knew I needed you. That’s why you’re here.”

Truth is, we don’t have to live 92 years to ask Jack’s question. For a multitude of reasons at any given time, our minds and emotions look at our situation and wonder why we’re in it. We question what’s the point. And as is often the case, the point isn’t about us; it’s about someone else. Someone that needs to be noticed. Someone that needs to be heard. Someone that needs to be touched. Someone that needs something that we have-time on the porch.

We sell ourselves short. Okay, maybe you don’t, but I know I do. There’s plenty God has given me that doesn’t cost me much, if anything, to give away. Occasionally, I’m reminded that’s it’s not as hard to know the why as I make it. Occasionally, all it takes is saying yes to singing a song, to give someone something I can easily give, and the why is clear.

Photo by Ana Essentiels on Unsplash

Bunker Life Lessons

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This transpired yesterday during Kramer Hickock‘s 3rd round of the PGA Championship in Tulsa.

So many life lessons can be drawn from Hickock’s situation, response, and result.

Rather than me sharing a list for you, I encourage you to watch it several times and make your own list.

After you watch it once, start your list.

Each time you watch it, add more life lessons to your list until you get at least three.

Then share these lessons with someone soon.

We can learn so much from life’s bunker moments. Keys to making these lessons stick with us include pausing to mark them, making note of them, and sharing them. They have more of a chance to become part of us when we do more than just notice them.

Happy Pausing, Noting, and Sharing!

Photo by Peter Drew on Unsplash

500, working on 1,000

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Yesterday morning I had a minor fall while running, so I’m sidelined for a short time. In my world, that means it’s time to hit the pool.

My pool routine is pretty basic-30 minutes of laps in the community pool where I live. Usually no one is there, so I have it to myself.

About 5 minutes into my lap routine, I see a neighbor, who I guess to be around 80 years old, heading up the parking lot to the pool entrance. She casually enters the pool area, but she appears to also have a routine. Like me, she’s here to get to work, not socialize. We’ve never met, but we greet one another and go about our routine.

At the time, I didn’t know what hers was. She did her thing while I did mine, opposite sides of the pool. Twenty minutes later, she was done and heading to the gate to leave.

She wished me a pleasant swim to which I replied, “Five more minutes.”

“I do 500 strokes. I’m working on getting to 1,000, but I’m not there yet,” she expressed peacefully but with a little excitement. Then off she went.

I smiled as she walked away. Several thoughts rushed through my mind. “How sharp…Good for you…Did you really just count to and swim 500 strokes…So that’s your secret.”

Thanks for the life lesson, neighbor.

Have a plan. Have a goal. Be happy where you are. Strive to improve.

Photo by Thomas Park on Unsplash