listening

“Right Now, I Don’t Care. I’ll Deal With the Consequences.”

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Two Friday nights in a row I’ve knowingly eaten dessert that I was pretty sure I’d regret the next morning.

I was right.

Friday #1…too many cookies. Didn’t care.

Friday #2…the whole piece of pie. Didn’t care.

How did I know this? 19 years of running.

Not since 2012 have I full-fledged followed a marathon training plan. And by full fledge I mean, let’s get in all the long runs. All of them. Which also means, keep your pre-race-night eating rhythm. Which means, no dessert.

I know this. I also know my preferred serving of dessert means a lot of potty breaks during the next morning’s run. Rather than listen to my body these last two Friday nights, I told it, “I hear you. But sugar wins right now. You’ll have to deal with the consequences in the morning.”

Without TMI, let’s say yesterday’s run set a personal record! Hard to enjoy.

I think God might have been laughing at me around 9:30 this morning while my pastor was speaking. On an unrelated-but-not topic, he mentioned the importance rhythm plays in spiritual intake. It’s quite simple. Find it and stick to it. Consistency matters.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

As a disciplined person, I know this. But some days I allow myself to stray. I ALLOW MYSELF.

I’ve decided ahead. This Friday night, my body and my mind will sync. Pretty sure that means the odds of a better long run Saturday morning have risen significantly.

Photo by Skyler Ewing on Unsplash

Listening to Isaac

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Two and a half hours. That’s how long my wait was last Saturday morning from arriving at the Bismarck, North Dakota airport until the first of three flights heading home from vacation.

When you look at the photo above, you see four black chairs by the wall of windows. That’s where I chose to sit and wait. That’s where I met Isaac.

After the first 30 minutes, he moved to the chair beside me to accommodate a couple that walked up. I felt the need to start the small talk. Genuinely curious about his hoodie, I said, “The colors of your hoodie intrigue me.”

The rest of the conversation was mostly him telling me his story. About his marriage, their daughter, the challenge to bring them to America from the Philippines, his learning to walk again following a hospital stay, his struggles about making the right decision, being brought up Catholic, and his resistance to believe in just about anything due to imposters.

Somewhere in the middle he said, “I have no idea why I’m telling you all this.”

When the words ran out, he thanked me for listening and heading to the security line.

Something told me he needed to talk. Not make a decision. Not get advice. Not make a new friend. Just let it out.

Two strangers connected, around ten minutes. Over the colors of a hoodie. And life.

Monks, Nuns, and Celibacy

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I listened to Kathleen Norris’s book The Cloister Walk this week. Fascinating.

A highlight was Chapter 13, an honest look at her 10 years of relationships with celibate men and women.

In them the strengths of celibacy have somehow been transformed into an openness that attracts people of all ages, all social classes. They exude a sense of freedom.

She acknowledges her own struggle to understand how this can be, yet rejects culture’s prejudice take on reasons for celibacy.

As celibacy takes hold in a person over the years, as monastic values supersede the values of the culture outside the monastery, celibates become people who can radically assess those of us out in the world, if only because they’ve learned how to listen without possessiveness, without imposing themselves. With someone who is practicing celibacy well, we may sense that we are being listened to in a refreshingly deep way. And this is the purpose of celibacy. Not to obtain an impossibly cerebral goal mistakenly conceived as holiness, but to make oneself available to others, body and soul. Celibacy, simply put, is a form of ministry.

Natural tendency is to reject what we don’t understand or aren’t willing to be open to accept as necessary.

Ministry is a choice.

Availability is a choice.

Listening is a choice.

Our obedience to God’s choices for us won’t always be understood or accepted by others. Jesus actually told us to expect this to happen, to follow calling, to be about the Father’s work.

It’s necessary for transformation, for freedom.

Be strong in your obedience. Your body and soul will thank you. So will other’s.

Photo by Nikhil Singh on Unsplash

The Shepherd Beside Us

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(By Guest Blogger Dawn Van Beck)

Let’s talk sheep.

Jesus talks a lot about sheep. Throughout most of the book of John, chapter 10, He speaks of sheep as an analogy for His people, His followers.

Therefore, Jesus said again, “I tell you the truth, I am the gate for the sheep. All who ever came before me were thieves and robbers, but the sheep did not listen to them. I am the gate; whoever enters through me will find pasture. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” (John 10:7-10)

A shepherd guards the gate to keep wolves out. He guides his flock to green pastures where they find their supply of life. Jesus illustrates how He is the gatekeeper and the good shepherd for each of us. He guards and protects us (His sheep) from danger. He leads us to places of abundance where we find nourishment, comfort, and peace. Resting in the pasture God provides, we find a permanent state of enjoying all we need to live the full, abundant life He desires for us.

Now, you may be thinking this all sounds great and wonderful, but are you and I really being compared to sheep? Is this good or bad? Hmmmmm.

The prophet, Isaiah, suggests we all are “like sheep” and “have gone astray;” “each of us has turned to our own way” (Isaiah 53:6). Research suggests that sheep tend to wander off from the flock and become lost, giving them a common, negative description. Therefore, we assume they are dumb, stupid.

Sheep get a bad rap.

I have a feisty Dachshund named Lilly, who obeys me, most of the time.

She stops what she’s doing when I admonish her. She comes running when I call out her name. She sits at attention and listens for my direction. Lilly is not always successful in her efforts to follow me though. She has her own will. She sometimes wanders off or gets sidetracked, or even lost (mostly due to any nearby lizard diversion). Overall, despite her lizard distractions, Lilly has a sincere intent to please and obey me.

Reflecting on our likeness to sheep, my Lilly comes to mind. I am her gatekeeper, protecting her from harm. I am her shepherd, leading her to sources of sustenance and comfort. Even though she occasionally becomes preoccupied with lizards (and goes astray), she follows me, because . . . she knows my voice.

Jesus speaks again, providing an action step on our part.

My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me (John 10:27).

If we desire to be led, we must listen to our leader.

Sheep are not dumb. They are dependent. And they know the voice of their shepherd.

A flock of sheep has a dependent relationship with their shepherd. They require guidance to identify the proper fields to graze in. Given they are easy targets, they need protection from swift, aggressive wolves. Sheep can live with little worries because they enjoy the direction, protection, and strength of their shepherd who leads them so they can thrive.

We, too, are dependent, which is most definitely not a weakness or defect, but rather, a blessing.

How glorious it is to rest under the direction and protection of our shepherd, Jesus. He leads us to lush pasture where there is fulfilling refreshment and shelter from the elements. He does not keep us on a leash (like I do with Lilly) but allows us to freely roam, provided we remain within reach of His voice.

How do we hear His voice?

  • Confess. Eliminate any sin barriers that may prevent you from hearing God’s voice.
  • Read the Bible. Reading Scriptures helps you discover God’s promises and who He is.
  • Pray. Your prayer conversations provide intimate communication with God.
  • Get Quiet. Cut out the noise in your life so you are ready to listen and hear God.

We must trust our leader, Jesus, and listen attentively to His voice. This is how God will lead us to the richest and safest of life-giving pastures.

——

Dawn Van Beck is an author and speaker passionate about helping women discover the redemptive power of God’s forgiveness so they may walk in the freedom of Christ. She has authored several short story collections, which include fiction romance and inspirational stories, along with two children’s books. Her first non-fiction book for Christian women, Deliver Me: Ditching Your Shame and Embracing God’s Freedom, is soon to be published. 

As You Live and Move and Breathe

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Came across a song new to me today that voiced a prayer of personal need. Before sharing it, do you know or remember this one?

Matt Maher gave us this song 11 years ago, a prayer declaring an awareness and desperation regarding needing God. There are moments in life where this prayer song matches our spirit. In those moments, I believe God is like a father, thankful his child trusts their need with him.

The song I found today is also a prayer song about need, but the declaration isn’t a cry for help. Instead, the song is a declaration of belief in God’s ability to meet needs and, therefore, a desire to stay close to him. Why? Because he knows what we need. That “because” leaves the lyricist to declare something about himself. He wants everything he does and says to lead him back to the one who knows what he needs.

Two songs about human need. Two songs voicing a prayer of faith. Wherever your faith is today regarding your needs, chances are one of these songs captures it.

As you live and move and breathe, sing along. He’s listening.

Pursuing and Exiting Silence

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The final segment from this podcast episode transcript to highlight focuses on the value of silence. Opinion: silence should be a love language.

Parker: I’m grateful to the Quaker tradition. I’ve been hanging around with Quakers since I was 35, I guess for 50 years, and I’ve learned a lot from them about the power, the value of silence, which I did not learn in my mainline Protestant upbringing… whenever the minister said in the church, I grew up in the Methodist church, now we’ll have a moment of silence. The organ broke into loud pouring for sixty seconds so that none of us could hear what we were thinking. Which was precisely the point.

Kate: Oh my gosh my son said something like that the other day. He goes, why do you keep, he said it so sweetly, but he was like, why do you keep bringing me to this place where they keep saying listen to God, but everyone’s talking.

Parker: Exactly, oh I like that a lot. Tell your son that’s so good. Exactly. So I learned a lot from the Quakers who don’t worship the silence. They worship in silence, and what they’re doing is listening. And Quakerism has its problems, just like every religious tradition or sect does. But I have seen wonderful things come out of that silence where people kind of touch a bedrock of truths. It emerges in vocal ministry, as Quakers call it. And community starts happening around those deeply held concerns. Because so often when we speak from that place of depth, we’re tapping into the aquifer that feeds all the wells. And it turns out that other people, as they tap in, are feeling that same thing or getting that same message. And then we’re poised to do something that’s real and could well make a difference in the world.

“They worship in silence, and what they’re doing is listening.”

Without question, my spiritual formation is strengthened by the amount of silence I naturally have living alone. In the silence I have been freed to listen which, with proper discipline, leads to worship.

In these last three months, I’ve done less writing and reading. When I heard this part of the conversation, I wondered if that may be attributed to my subconscious (mind/body/spirit) leading me to more silence in response to disaster and heartbreak.

Imagine what’s possible when silence is consciously pursued.

  • Healing
  • Forgiveness
  • Grace
  • Clarity
  • Direction
  • Humility
  • Surrender
  • Joy

Imagine what awaits as one speaks upon exiting silence.

Photo by Nathan Anderson on Unsplash

Countercultural Leaders Worth Listening To

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The last two books I’ve read have been authored by Colby Martin, a progressive pastor in California. I’m not going to do a review or respond to his writings except for one observation.

I finished The Shift today. Some who will follow that link may wonder, “Why would you read that book, John?” Here’s a quote giving a hint:

Listening helps us understand, understanding leads to compassion, and compassion opens the way for love. Suddenly, we see others not as our enemies, not as people out to get us, but as people for whom we do not desire suffering. We now feel a longing for their well-being in the same way we hope for our own. We may still not like what they’re saying, and it may still be appropriate to push back, but now you’re engaging in the conversation from a place of love, and that changes everything.

-Chapter “When Progressives Attack”

In this next-to-last chapter, Martin addresses the issue of when progressive Christians attack each other. I already respected him before this chapter; this chapter elevated my respect. Martin isn’t trying to create a war. In fact, he’s challenging those within his ranks to move away from that posture.

I was reminded of reading Senator Ben Sasse’s book Them. Sasse drove home the point, five years ago now, that the challenge in America is we take sides and make enemies of those on the other side.

I’m thankful for leaders who are countercultural in modeling and challenging us to listen to help us understand to grow our compassion to open ourselves in the ways of love.

Behind the Curtain: 3 Questions Organizations Must Ask (Post #1)

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Mark wasn’t wrong. In January I observed an exchange between two organizations that led me down a rabbit hole in my brain. It ended with me posing this question: What questions must be answered to ensure your public persona matches your behind-the-curtain private one? Mark agreed to tackle this from a leadership angle (see posts March 10-12); my task is to address the organization angle.

Before throwing out the first question, I need to throw credit to one of my favorite leadership podcasts. The Table Group’s podcast entitled At The Table is worth your following. Patrick Lencioni’s team asks and answers leadership questions every week that challenge leaders and their organizations. Subscribe to it now!

Wednesday as I waited in the lobby of a local nonprofit waiting for a meeting, I noticed a framed image of their values. It caught my eye mostly because of the Hebrew words. I was curious. If you’re curious, here’s the list of ten:

I’ve gotten to know one of their VP’s over the last eight months. He’s relatively new in town and therefore new to his team. We haven’t gotten to know each other well enough for me to inquire, but I wonder how his interview process went compared to his reality of being on the job. You know what I mean, right? It seems more often than not the hiring process doesn’t really pull back the entire curtain.

Which leads me to question #1: Are we all for the same things, really?

Doing the work to solidify the organization’s values is important. Equally important is protecting them. Through the hiring process, alignment on values needs to be top of mind. Periodically, probably routinely, values need to be restated in leadership meetings. It wouldn’t hurt to find creative ways to check if all team members can state them.

This matters for one huge reason. If you say in front of the curtain that you stand for something but rarely discuss it behind the curtain, eventually those on the other side will find out. Your words must be more than lip service.

Leaders, to engage this question further, here are four more questions for your team to discuss:

  • When’s the last time we checked our values as a team?
  • How are we evaluating our values?
  • How well are we listening to people on both sides of the curtain in evaluating our values?
  • What uncomfortable conversations do we need to have about our values?

May your words behind the curtain match your words in front of it.

Photo by Riccardo Annandale on Unsplash

8 “Give Me’s” for Waiting

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4AM. Not my preferred alarm setting. But you do what you got to do.

I decided what I had to this morning in order to start this day right was to get in a run before having to be in my car by 6:15. After my run around 5:15 while stretching, I found myself taking a longer than usual time to spend some time praying. Very unexpectedly, I got an answer for a prayer I’ve been in for several months, actually most of this year. Maybe that story will come later; but for now, I’m focused on the reality that some prayer answers are a long time coming. That means a lot of waiting.

So it shouldn’t have surprised me that on the same day this answer came an email came to my inbox this afternoon with a prayer entitled “Prayer for the Waiting Time.” It not only was timely, but also affirming.

If you find yourself in waiting time, take your time to read through this prayer by Nicola Slee. These eight requests may be the support you need to carry on, to wait well, and to keep listening.

Give me the resolution to say ‘no’ to the good so that I will be ready to say ‘yes’ to the better.

Give me the courage to keep living in the open-endedness of the future without foreclosing the mysterious work of your Spirit in my haste or fear.

Give me the persistence to stay in the wilderness of unknowing until I am ready to receive your call.

Give me the strength to keep still and keep waiting when all about me is pushing towards movement and activity and choice.

Give me the acceptance to live these days in uneventfulness, simplicity and hiddenness, without craving excitement, distraction, or change.

Give me the grace to live in the emptiness of ‘not doing,’ without the rewards of achievement, fulfillment, or success.

Give me the wisdom to discriminate between my own impatience to move forward and your Spirit’s deep stirring of my spirit when the time is right to move.

Give me the faith to trust in your obscurity, the obedience to stay faithful to your mystery, the courage to keep trust with your inscrutability.

Photo by Şahin Sezer Dinçer on Unsplash

For Their Sake

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Thanks for listening. It was the second time I admitted this situation today. My ability to articulate it gives me the opportunity to internalize it. Radical acceptance. I appreciate your question and your willingness to listen. Thank you, friend!

Email I received recently

I thought my question was innocent. But apparently, to them, it wasn’t. Why?

Space. In that moment, they weren’t looking for it, but space was provided for them to put words to their emotions, their current situation, and their understanding. Space is sacred, particularly when it’s for and with the one who needs it.

Seen. In that moment, they were allowed to freely share, receive reflection, and affirmation. Being seen satisfies a natural hunger and may reveal more behind the hunger than previously understood.

Self-awareness. In that moment, they saw their reflection. They saw themselves with integrity and acceptance in a way that said, “It’s okay. I don’t have to necessarily like what I see, but at least I see myself more clearly. Now I have an idea how to respond, how to move forward.”

Got a question you’re not sure to follow a nudge to ask? For their sake, not yours, ask.

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash