Humble Inquiry (book review)

What a first read for 2024! Not sure how I came across it, but Edgar Schein’s Humble Inquiry is both refreshing and challenging. And I read the first edition not realizing there is a second edition. Wonder what I missed?

We cannot hope to understand and work with people from different occupational, professional, and national cultures if we do not know how to ask questions and build relationships that are based on mutual respect and the recognition that others know things that we may need to know in order to get a job done.

Introduction: Creating Positive Relationships and Effective Organizations

Schein contributed over five decades to the field of organizational health, a good portion of that as a MIT professor. His work was/is countercultural to the mindset of Doing and Telling.

Humble Inquiry is the art of drawing someone out, of asking questions to which you do not already know the answer, of building a relationship based on curiosity and interest in the other person.

Introduction

Schein repeatedly describes relationships with these words: trust, interactive, conversational, building, investing, processing, shared value, and mutual. After chapter 1’s focus on defining humility, chapter 2 shares case examples to which Schein keeps referencing through the remaining chapters. These three statements display the chapter’s nuggets:

Don’t assume that the person with the question has asked the right question.

Accessing your ignorance, or allowing curiosity to lead you, is often the best guide to what to ask about.

Humble Inquiry is behavior that comes out of respect and the desire to improve the quality of the conversation by stimulating greater openness and the sharing of task-relevant information.

Chapter 2, Humble Inquiry in Practice-Case Examples

Chapter 4, “The Culture of Do and Tell,” gives the most countercultural challenge, at least to U.S. readers. He believes the main problem standing in the way of better relationships and conversations is our culture that values task accomplishment more than relationship building. A second problem is asking, in general, is less valued that telling. Schein suggests the key to overcome these problems is Here-and-now Humility, described in chapter 1 as admitting dependence on others.

Schein culminates his work well with the last chapter as a “how to.” He makes a helpful acknowledgement that a culture shift requires unlearning and new learning, which result in two types of anxiety he labels survival anxiety and learning anxiety. The courage to face anxiety can result in beautiful relationships that otherwise wouldn’t surface.

A well-timed Humble Inquiry that launches a conversation that leads to a relationship should be thought of as a thing of beauty. Innovations in how we conduct conversations should be treated as art.

Chapter 7, Developing the Attitude of Humble Inquiry

Anyone in leadership will grow personally and relationally by reading Humble Inquiry. I’d also encourage business/executive coaches to read Schein’s book to sharpen themselves and to resource their clients.

Five Questions To Nurture Culture

Today I was honored to be interviewed by leaders from one of our nonprofit partnering agencies. After answering the list of questions, I was asked if I had anything else to share. Here’s what I said:

The one thing I’d like to comment on is the culture of your organization. There are many words-all good-that come to mind. First, your team is united. You are all on the same page and seem to enjoy working together. Two other words that come to mind are passionate and caring. You deeply go after your mission, and your clients feel cared for. This was clear at your last event. But the word that most describes your culture is joy. It’s always present. It’s felt. Whoever’s responsible for maintaining this culture, they are doing a great job.

Culture has been on my mind the rest of the day. Every organization has a culture. There are many questions to make sure it’s the culture you want to experience and to display. If you have any part of creating that culture, consider the answers to these five questions:

  • What is the culture we aspire to maintain?
  • Is that the culture we have?
  • How do the employees know about this aspiration?
  • Who are the keepers of the culture?
  • When and how do we evaluate the culture?

Start here. Be willing to add to it. Watch what happens when you nurture culture.

Photo by Hannah Busing on Unsplash

For Their Sake

Thanks for listening. It was the second time I admitted this situation today. My ability to articulate it gives me the opportunity to internalize it. Radical acceptance. I appreciate your question and your willingness to listen. Thank you, friend!

Email I received recently

I thought my question was innocent. But apparently, to them, it wasn’t. Why?

Space. In that moment, they weren’t looking for it, but space was provided for them to put words to their emotions, their current situation, and their understanding. Space is sacred, particularly when it’s for and with the one who needs it.

Seen. In that moment, they were allowed to freely share, receive reflection, and affirmation. Being seen satisfies a natural hunger and may reveal more behind the hunger than previously understood.

Self-awareness. In that moment, they saw their reflection. They saw themselves with integrity and acceptance in a way that said, “It’s okay. I don’t have to necessarily like what I see, but at least I see myself more clearly. Now I have an idea how to respond, how to move forward.”

Got a question you’re not sure to follow a nudge to ask? For their sake, not yours, ask.

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

What is a Miracle?

“We see miracles in our work all the time.”

I immediately made a note to chew on that one after hearing it from a colleague.

Did they really mean to use the word miracle? Or did they just mean change, transformation, growth? Doesn’t a miracle mean the impossible happened, something unexplainable, maybe even supernatural?

Those answers vary for many reasons: education, faith, philosophy, convictions, science. Traditions seem to dictate one’s definition. For those who prefer black and white, these provide what they need. I’m wondering if there’s more, more that would prompt someone to say they see miracles all the time.

In reading the New Testament, you cannot help but think of miracles as being something visible, something physically observable. Blind eyes healed. Leprosy cleansed. Dead raised.

Not having experienced it myself, I wonder what else happened to the blind man when he suddenly could see. Was the miracle only about his vision? How could this event not encompass all of his being-spiritual, emotional, mental? The healing miraculously altered all of him.

That thought suggests miracles can start in other areas for humans other than their bodies. Should we not consider unexplainable transformations to one’s spirit or mind also miraculous? Just because we cannot physically observe and identify the change does not disqualify it as miraculous.

An even broader conviction embedded in my colleague’s statement is that miracles are routine. Can this be taken too far? Sure. But it’s highly possible we created beings eventually lower our awe of routine miracles provided for us every day of our lives.

Are miracles confined to the extraordinary? Seems to me the rising sun contains miraculous elements. How often are they declared?

And maybe that’s the answer to the question. The answer isn’t found in a black and white definition. It’s found in genuine awe that every day contains happenings which I have no explanation for, things that I could not produce, things that touch the whole of how God created us.

Each one is a miracle. When I stop and consider them, the classification of the work lessens in importance to the one behind it.

It’s possible the answer to what is a miracle is that it’s the wrong question. What if we replace it with this one: What does a miracle say about its source?

Photo by Federico Respini on Unsplash

Acting Despite the Stone

You know that moment when you read something for the umpteenth time and it feels like the first? That happened to me reading the first three verses of Mark 16. Here they are:

When the Sabbath was over, Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James, and Salome bought spices so that they might go to anoint Jesus’ body. Very early on the first day of the week, just after sunrise, they were on their way to the tomb and they asked each other, “Who will roll the stone away from the entrance of the tomb?”

Even though I’d read this multiple times, something jumped out at me clear as day. That something was the order of events.

It wasn’t the first thing on these three ladies’ minds to ask themselves about the stone in the way. No, they bought the spices, set their alarms (although I have a sense they didn’t really need to), and were already headed to the tomb to tend to Jesus’ body before they really pondered exactly how they were going to get in.

I found that very telling. Many times we let the impossible keep us from preparing for it. These ladies didn’t worry about that. Why?

I believe it was because they were so focused on serving Jesus. Literally. The stone in the way didn’t deter them from buying the spices. They could have said, “Uh, what’s the point of spending money on something that I might not be able to use. I’ll just pray about it and hope that stone gets out of the way somehow.”

Instead they bought them, got up early, and headed for the tomb. It seems they had so much faith they were going to get to tend to Jesus that their attitude was, “Somehow, we don’t know how, but somehow that stone will not keep us from getting to him.”

I have a sneaky feeling their question wasn’t one of doubt but one of wonderment. Just how was God going to help them.

It seems that God often does his best work when we let him deal with the impossible while we deal with the possible. They did everything they could to be ready to serve. What did God do? He made sure the obstacle in their way was removed.

The Lesson: Act despite the stone. Avoid letting the impossible paralyze you from living an active life of faith. These ladies would have seriously kicked themselves had they let the question come first.

What they would have missed. I’m thankful for their example of not letting the question of the impossible stifle their actions of faith.

Photo by Katherine Hanlon on Unsplash

Where’s the Door?

Earlier this week I found myself in a place familiar to all of us. I wouldn’t call it buyer’s remorse, not even decision regret. Probably more like, something’s not right, so a step back seems like a good idea.

When we find ourselves in these places, one of the best things we can do is stop talking only to ourselves and divulge our thoughts to someone else. Even if they don’t do anything but listen, we often get some perspective or different focus that uncovers a better viewpoint.

Within 24 hours of doing that, I came to a realization. What was really at play was there wasn’t an issue at all, other than I was looking for a way out. Rather than admit my own sabotaging, I was making a few small things one large thing. And then this thought smacked me in the head…

It’s not hard to find the door in the room.

So many times I’ve tried to leave the room before it was time. If you have that pattern, then you know what it’s like to be looking for the door but not know that you are. And when you’re looking for it, it’s pretty easy to find.

There are quite a few questions we can ask ourselves once we have this awareness. Truth be told, sometimes the right answer is to leave the room. More times than not our timing is off, and there are reasons to stay that we would rather not bother with or tell ourselves we don’t have the energy for. Here are three questions I asked myself this week once I realized I was asking, “Where’s the door?”

Why am I looking for the door? If this isn’t the most important question, it’s got to be pretty close. An honest answer will clarify if the search should continue. My honest answer told me to stop looking.

Who’s in the room? That might seem like an odd question, but it’s founded in the idea of grounding. When we notice the faces of everyone in the room, we are forced to pause and consider what leaving the room means to everyone, not just ourselves. Again, sometimes the person that needs the most consideration in the room is us, but leaving everyone else out of our consideration reveals an issue that most likely has little to do with being in the room with these people.

Why am I here? This question is a perfect follow up to who’s in the room. As we consider everyone in the room, a natural viewpoint to bring clarity is founded in purpose. Several times I knew I was supposed to leave a room even though others in the room disagreed. They believed my purpose wasn’t done, but I knew otherwise. TRUTH: It’s only time to leave when your purpose is done. If your purpose isn’t done, stop looking for the door.

Photo by Dima Pechurin on Unsplash

Jack’s Purpose

Jack Dietrich passed away a couple of weeks ago. He was 92. His memorial service was held yesterday.

I didn’t know Jack (A friend asked me on behalf of the family to sing his favorite hymn, “How Great Thou Art.”) But the service was one of those that when you left you felt like you knew the person regardless of previous history.

Everyone who spoke weaved the story of Jack’s life which included his influence on their teaching careers, his love of family and really everyone, his witty humor, and his outspoken faith. Apparently, if you walked by his porch on the way to the beach, most likely you got an introduction to sit with Jack.

That was the neighbor’s story who gave the eulogy. His initial introductory conversation with Jack lasted three hours and started an unexpected, life-changing relationship. As he described it, the life change was for both of them.

Although Jack had lived a full and successful life, he asked his neighbor the same question I’m guessing all 92-year-olds do. “Why am I still here?” His neighbor unashamedly told him, “You’re here for me. God knew I needed you. That’s why you’re here.”

Truth is, we don’t have to live 92 years to ask Jack’s question. For a multitude of reasons at any given time, our minds and emotions look at our situation and wonder why we’re in it. We question what’s the point. And as is often the case, the point isn’t about us; it’s about someone else. Someone that needs to be noticed. Someone that needs to be heard. Someone that needs to be touched. Someone that needs something that we have-time on the porch.

We sell ourselves short. Okay, maybe you don’t, but I know I do. There’s plenty God has given me that doesn’t cost me much, if anything, to give away. Occasionally, I’m reminded that’s it’s not as hard to know the why as I make it. Occasionally, all it takes is saying yes to singing a song, to give someone something I can easily give, and the why is clear.

Photo by Ana Essentiels on Unsplash

Stop & Hold

The Day is coming When My

Heart will stop wandering

Peace will stop wavering

Faith will stop studdering

Joy will stop fleeting

On that Day I’ll Finally Stop

Looking in a mirror dimly

Asking needless questions

Forgetting You Are the King of the World

Trying to do what You’ve Already Done

‘Til that Day I Desire to Keep

Holding on to Hope

Holding on to Truth

Holding on to Life

Holding on to You

Photo by Thomas Chan on Unsplash

“Listen, God” (Part 2)

The next day I was still thinking about the previous day’s all-day conversation and referenced it in a conversation with a former coworker.

While we discussed it, God shared a final word. Adding to his direction to get my eyes off myself, he pointed out, “John, you know how you don’t like to hear people talking over each other and are frustrated when you catch yourself doing it? How about you practice that with me, too?”

He had the final word. Graciously, it was a question. And my “Listen, God” posture was altered.

Left me wondering what a “Listen, God” posture sounds/feels/looks like. Not too hard to imagine, really. Probably sounds similar to a Christmas morning temper tantrum from a six-year-old who just finished opening more gifts than they know what to do with. Probably feels similar to the tightness in a hair stylist’s chest whose client berates them because their work doesn’t match the picture from the magazine. Probably looks like the adult child rolling their eyes at their aging parent whose short-term memory loss has them repeating the same question three times in five minutes.

How God manages to keep a “You’re my son in whom I’m well pleased” posture is beyond my comprehension. That posture transforms mine from “Listen and do what I say” to “I’m glad you’re here. What would you like to talk about?”

Photo by Heike Mintel on Unsplash

Understanding Yes

Yesterday gave me the answer to a question. The question had to do with having said yes and wondering how that particular yes was going to work out. Turns out, pretty good…way better than expected.

The older I get the more weight each yes carries. What I’ve noticed this year focusing on flow, saying yes doesn’t always mean everything’s in order. In fact, the best yes results so far have started with very little in order.

Improving on flow and yes seems to only come by experience. It’s a product of better listening, deeper trust, and reduced paralysis from fear. These improvements, our growth, comes from both our wins and our losses.

For example, David started out with some significant yes wins. He didn’t always have everything in order the moment he said yes, like when he said, “I can take down Goliath.” Five stones later, the flow and the yes made sense. Years later, that win was countered by another yes (Bathsheba) that resulted in lifelong losses. The level at which he flowed with God determined the win or loss of his yes.

Abraham is another example. When God first asked him for a yes, Abraham had no idea how it would work out. But he followed and reaped the benefits of not expecting to understand everything ahead of time. The bumps in the road between then and saying yes to sacrificing Isaac certainly had some losses, but Abraham learned from them and improved his flow and yes to an ultimate level of sacrifice (Genesis 22).

Determining the unity of a yes with Holy Spirit flow can be tricky. One key is discerning where the wish to answer yes is coming from-my own desires or his. And often that discernment can look like asking these three questions:

  1. What is God telling me?
  2. What is God not telling me?
  3. What do I want God to tell me?

None of these questions are bad questions. But I’ve found that the only one that really matters is what is God telling me. Without the answer to that question, a yes or no shouldn’t even be given. I’m also finding that my best understanding of yes is pretty simple. If God is asking for a yes, it’s the best answer. His higher ways and thoughts support my yes. My understanding, secondary to his glory, will come when he’s done with my yes.

Photo by Jen Theodore on Unsplash