Ruptures

“I Don’t Feel Safe”

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In episode 10 of Season 11 of the Being Known podcast, Dr. Thompson named something that I instantly honed in on because I’ve experienced it.

Over the last few years, I’ve experienced several instances where someone explained their reaction to an event or moment with the phrase, “I didn’t feel safe.” That immediately appeared to me like a learned expression, something they’ve been educated as a way to express their reaction. Yet, that phrase in and of itself left me with questions. But they were questions I kept to myself lest I upset the person any further or potentially came across as not hearing them or lacking empathy. Frankly, I walked away wondering how best to respond.

Dr. Thompson explains his opinion about the usage of this phrase in this two-minute clip.

“The reality is I don’t know what you mean when you say you feel unsafe.”

I connected with that statement. It feels like the work of repair is somehow all on the other party, but it doesn’t seem clear where to start. Changing the statement to what is actually being felt instead of what is not being felt makes things clearer for both parties.

I’m curious about your experience of either using this phrase or being on the receiving end of it. How do you respond to Dr. Thompson’s thoughts about it?

Receivers are Peacemakers

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Two ongoing life wins today: Spiritual Directing and Being Known Podcast Listening

I’m up to episode 9 in season 11, which is entitled “Rupture and Repair.” This episode focused on mastering the art of repair.

23+ minutes into the conversation Curt said this:

Everybody needs the place where you can come and discharge…especially in the presence of someone else who can receive it. We need to know what needs to be discharged can be done in the presence of someone who can receive it.

He goes on to make the connection that everyone who pursues repairing ruptures is actually growing in their ability to be a peacemaker.

A peacemaker can then be someone who is growing in their understanding of how to manage their own ruptures.

A peacemaker is also someone who is a trusted receiver of someone’s responses to their ruptures.

Together peace is pursued.

Together repair is possible after rupture.

Rupture is coming. How can we grow in our response? Who can I lean on to be a receiver in my need for peace?

This was just one of many gems in this episode. Catch the full episode here:

NOTE: Spiritual Directors are receivers and peacemakers. It’s why I keep returning…and winning.