Books

Fully Alive (book review)

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I was intrigued enough by The Dignity Index (link to prior post) that I found Timothy Shriver’s book, Fully Alive, on audible. I had no idea what I was in for.

There are so many takeaways. Certainly makes me wish I had a hard copy.

But I’ll narrow down my takeaways under three headings:

  1. Fully Alive is a ten+hour history lesson. The lesson includes the Kennedy family history, highlighting the impact of Rosemary’s challenges. The lesson tells the story behind the founding and development of the Special Olympics. Many other lessons are found; but the one most prevalent is the dignity of all humans and the history of all cultures determining if and how they would recognize every person’s worth.
  2. Fully Alive is a look at the whole of a man. Shriver’s transparency about his maturation, his privilege, his spirituality, and his determination are refreshing. His words inspired me to continue efforts to grow in relationships and purpose. They accomplished the promise to paint a picture of what matters most.
  3. Fully Alive is a spotlight on the human spirit. You are introduced to many examples of this spirit. I’m drawn to three of the Special Olympic athletes: Loretta, Donald, and Daniel. Their spirits are depicted as full of grit, presence, and courage. They overcame many barriers resulting in fearless victory in the face of rejection, misdiagnosis, and death. Their stories, their lives depict what Shriver wants us to pursue, living fully.

Listening to this book during this last month was cathartic. I needed it, but was not aware it would come from listening to this book. If your spirit is in need of revival, you might find it in this book. It’s worth a try.

Have Mercy

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In the same podcast episode mentioned in “How Long,” the speaker’s second focus on praying the Psalms was confession.

He mentioned the few occasions that the Psalmist penned the phrase, “Have Mercy, O God.” The most familiar of these is Psalm 51 by David.

This song is my effort to capture these eight verses:

1 Have mercy on me, O God,
    according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
    blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash away all my iniquity
    and cleanse me from my sin.

7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
    wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Let me hear joy and gladness;
    let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins
    and blot out all my iniquity.

10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
    and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence
    or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
    and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

How Long

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I recently listened to a podcast episode of a prayer event in Europe. The episode’s speaker captured the power of praying the Psalms, particularly in regards to lamenting.

His encouragement to help growth in lamenting was focused on the language of Psalm 13, specifically the first three words: “How Long, Lord.”

My lament went from the page to the piano. Before you listen to the recording, take a moment to meditate on the six verses of this psalm:

[1] How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? [2] How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? [3] Look on me and answer, Lord my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death, [4] and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,” and my foes will rejoice when I fall. [5] But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. [6] I will sing the Lord’s praise, for he has been good to me. Psalm 13 NIV

Kids Know More About Joy

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Got to spend five hours with lovely Emerlyn on Tuesday. The featured picture is us reading together-her attempt to stay occupied and avoid napping. It worked.

On my drive the next morning, I heard this exchange between Kate Bowler and guest Nikki Grimes on “Everything Happens“:

Kate: Yeah, Nikki, I feel like I could hear your heartbeat when you talk about joy. It really sustains you. Do you think kids know more about joy than other people? Because I have this sense about the way that it’s connected to noticing and gratitude and hope and delight. Like these are all things kids are particularly good at. I just wonder if some of that—the particularity of kids’ ability to notice and be grateful and to be in the details—makes them maybe more… I think so.

Nikki: Oh, they really can hone in on things in a way that we don’t. If you really want to see something or you want to see it a new way, look through a child’s eyes. They’re always noticing things that adults miss.

Emerlyn is a noticer. A busy railroad track lies earshot from her Rara’s and Pop’s home. Each time the passing trains “chooed,” her head would shoot up, eyes would widen as she echoed, “Choo!”

So yes, Kate, kids are better at joy than their adult people. They don’t seem to know not to be. Everything hasn’t been normalized or discounted or experienced. As Emerlyn’s Rara described, she lives in awe and wonder.

On this Thanksgiving day, find the youngest person you can and spend more time with them than you planned. Tap into joy. Notice along with them.

May gratitude, hope, and delight reign your day.

Beautiful & Terrible

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More than once recently, authors I’m reading have shared this quote:

“Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don’t be afraid.” -Frederick Buechner

The West

The East

The Middle East

Beautiful Waterfalls

Terrible Floods

Beautiful Mountains

Terrible Mudslides

Beautiful Creatures

Terrible Beasts

Beautiful Hearts

Terrible Wounds

Beautiful Words

Terrible Twists

Beautiful Creations

Terrible Destruction

While climbing the mountain, don’t be afraid of falling and miss the view…don’t be afraid of lifting your head long enough to absorb the beauty.

Whenever we’ve experienced beauty, simultaneously, others close by and around the world have endured terrible. It’s challenging to accept this reality. It can be confusing and difficult to hear or to heed the well-intentioned phrase, “Don’t be afraid.”

Maybe that’s why in the 1300’s, a different phrase was offered. A phrase of hope. A more positive nudge to action. “Take heart.” “Take heart” implies finding the strength and courage to face challenges, while “don’t be afraid” can sometimes feel like a dismissive or even a command to suppress natural emotions. “Take heart” encourages an active response to difficult situations, suggesting that we can find the inner resources to overcome obstacles. 

Rather than huddling in siloed fear, we can take heart by openly and collectively assembling in courage.

Rather than douse our minds with worry, we can take heart and ease our spirits with truth.

Rather than suppress our bodies into paralysis, we can take heart to walk, dare run with purposeful action.

After viewing beauty, may your eyes use that filter to interpret the terrible. In the world’s attempt to steal your heart, may you surround yourself with every resource needed to respond, “This heart is mine. It’s not for your taking.”

Take heart as you engage our beautiful and terrible world.

Photo by Artyom Kabajev on Unsplash

Single At Heart: The Ones vs. The One

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Chapter five was by far the most insightful and helpful in DePaulo’s book, Single At Heart. Entitled “The Ones,” the message is clear-single at heart people flourish because of their investment in a posse of friends rather than putting all of their emotional and relationship capital into just one person.

After decades of obsessive preoccupation with the study of marriage and romantic partnerships, scholars are increasingly turning their attention to friends.

The awareness of the possibility of a rich life as a single person through friends cannot be overstated. It starts by dropping the fantasy that one person, The One, will be sufficient. DePaulo’s shared research makes that clear.

What does having The Ones look like? It could be through the formation of what some call chosen or found families. Found family members choose over and over again to be there for one another when neither law or custom demands it. These relationships honor authenticity, knowing and loving one another as you are.

As for all the other possibilities, it looks however works best for you. There isn’t an expectation that has to be met. One single person’s group of Ones could be large and another’s much smaller. DePaulo said she doesn’t have nearly as many Ones as others. She has someone she turns to when she has good news, a different person she seeks out when she’s distraught. When she needs to vent some righteous anger, that’s usually someone else.

As a different example, here’s how one subject explained her friends:

There is the friend with whom I go on road trips, the friend who I go to see movies with, the theater buff who is my companion when I wish to see plays, the foodies who like trying out new restaurants like I do, and the potluck and other dinners I have with friends.

Then there’s the reality that some singles at heart can be their own source of comfort and security. Other people aren’t as necessary.

DePaulo’s advice for the Single at Heart:

If friends are at the center of your life, you already take them seriously. Let other people know that…If other people do not have a particularly important place in your life and that’s how you like it, own that too.

Single person, may your Ones enrich your life!

Photo by Considerate Agency on Unsplash

Single At Heart: Psychologically Rich Living

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While traveling a few weeks ago, I read one of the more interesting books for my year.

I intentionally sought out a book on this topic for various reasons, mostly due to observing challenges of recent divorcees and contentment struggles of younger singles. This book did not disappoint.

DePaulo’s approach is thorough, very direct, and heavily researched. You feel like you are listening to an authority on the topic of single living.

Her research led her to this label for those who have come to the conclusion they really aren’t interested in being coupled; they are content in their heart to remain single. To determine one’s level of being single at heart, she developed a 15-question questionnaire. You can find it on this link: https://belladepaulo.com/2019/10/single-at-heart-tell-me-about-your-life-in-your-own-words/

I want to highlight two thoughts in this post and one to follow, although there are many more worthwhile nuggets. The first highlight comes from social research referenced in chapter 1. This study asked people in nine nations to describe their ideal life choosing between three options-happy, meaningful, or psychologically rich.

On their deathbeds, a person who led a happy life might say, “I had fun!” whereas a person who had a meaningful life would think, I made a difference! The parting thoughts of the person who led a psychologically rich life would be, What a journey!

DePaulo determined the psychological richness of single at heart people is the most distinctive, even if they also experienced happiness and meaningfulness. I not only found this insightful, but completely agree.

Following this discussion, she then approached the value of authenticity of single at heart people. Acknowledging anyone of any relationship status can live authentically, she added this insight:

People who are single at heart, though, who are bucking powerful social norms, are especially likely to think deeply about who they really are and what they really want.

These thoughts jumpstart the book. They lay the foundation for what I believe could be excellent dialogue for people of all relationship statuses whose outcome could be psychologically rich living.

Psalms: Being Prayed Over

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Many of my more moving moments of prayer have been when someone is being prayed over.

Maybe it’s because we don’t do it enough. Maybe it’s because we wait too long. Maybe it’s simply because it’s the breath of communion.

Each time my spiritual director prays over me, there’s an invitation and connection with the Holy One. Those two things are always in reach, but they seem energized by the words and spirit of a fellow believer.

I’ve witnessed this twice in the last two months while praying over believers in emotional and spiritual pain. It seemed either they were hearing words they didn’t know how to voice or cries exactly aligned with their hearts. These were holy communion moments.

In a different but similar way, I’ve experienced this by an unexpected means this week. Rather than reading my daily scriptures, I’ve utilized the audio reading on the app. Since I’m in Psalms, my experience feels very much like I’m being prayed over. Phrases rang truer, praises raised higher, and promises rose stronger.

Maybe scripture feels lifeless for you today. Maybe someone reading it over you would restart your inhaling and exhaling.

Maybe you’ve ran out of words to pray. Maybe someone praying over you could pick up where you left off, even say what you didn’t know how to or knew you needed to.

Communion awaits.

The Wisdom of Stability, Part 2-Midday Demons (book review)

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The following chapter in Hartgrove’s book warns, “Buckle Up!”

After encouraging nurturing roots of love, he immediately offers that you can expect spiritual challenges. His first reference retells the story of the desert monastics’ “describing the ‘noonday devil’ who attacks after one commits to stay and begins to feel the heat of high noon.”

This is where the book’s subtitle, “Rooting Faith in a Mobile Culture,” gets highlighted. To stay, to root, to pursue stability “against the seas of constant change makes us susceptible to temptations we would not otherwise have occasion to know.”

The practice of stability cannot be reduced to a quick fix for the spiritual anxiety of a placeless people. It is a process. It takes time…To persevere in the process that leads to real growth, we must learn to name and resist the midday demons.

These are the three midday demons:

  • Ambition’s Whisper
  • Boredom’s Rut
  • Vainglory’s Delusion

I’m quite familiar with the first two. They often show face at high noon. Hartgrove offers several countermoves to these temptations focused on both spirit and body including physical activity, engaging community, and dying well.

This book, available on hoopla and an easy weekend read, is worthwhile. If you only read chapters four and five of this book, you will be enriched. However much you read, you’ll find yourself wiser and pondering your stability.

Photo by 光曦 刘 on Unsplash

The Wisdom of Stability, Part 1-Roots of Love (book review)

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Reading while traveling last weekend I gained a broader definition for stability thanks to Jonathan Wilson-Hartgrove. His book, The Wisdom of Stability, affirmed and challenged me, leaving me with this evaluation-I’m decently stable, but there’s always need for growth.

It’s important to point out what Hartgrove is addressing. He’s not talking about the need for emotional regulation or mental wellness. In simple terms, he shares a message of valuing staying put, committing to less wandering, and acknowledging “there comes a time to set seeking aside,” as Kathleen Norris states in her foreword.

Example: I overheard someone this morning describing the makeup of three fantasy football leagues they’re active in. One is made up of college friends; another is made up of childhood friends. Possibly without intention, this person is practicing stability in a way that many of us aren’t.

To practice stability is to learn to love both a place and its people. -Chapter 4, “Roots of Love”

Hartgrove uses trees to explain in chapter four. His analogy rings true, especially for those living where I do. Last year’s hurricane season wreaked havoc. Ask those who live where I moved in April. The community lost over a third of its trees. Why? Their roots couldn’t withstand the winds.

The chapter title, “Roots of Love,” comes from a thought by Benedictine Anselm of Canterbury, a twelfth-century monk who compared a restless monk to a tree. “If he often moves from place to place at his own whim, or remaining in one place is frequently agitated by hatred of it, he never achieves stability with roots of love.”

One temptation in the face of agitation is to flee (more about temptations in part two). Hartgrove challenges us to accept this goes against one reason we were made-to intimately share life with our landscape and its people.

How else can we learn the attention that is needed to really know a community? How else would we ever gain the patience that is required to care for a place over time?

Friday, I chose to go inside Chick-fil-A for lunch rather than hurry through the drivethrough. Not many other customers made the same choice, so the hostess had few people to chat up. She chose me as her customer to get to know. She asked a pretty standard question for non-Floridians, “Did you grow up in Florida?” I have to honestly answer that with a no. But when I say I’ve lived in Florida since 1986 and in this area since 2002, the reply is usually something like, “Well, you might as well have.”

More than once my seeking has tempted me to move on.

More than once, I’m reminded that God is wiser than me. With his wisdom comes stability, and with that stability comes wisdom.