Books

What if God Doesn’t Meet My Expectations?

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In his book The Prisoner in the Third Cell, Gene Edwards makes you face this question. That’s a good thing. Why? Because all of mankind has silently or openly asked it but not all have dared to stop and determine their answer.

Edwards makes you face this question by telling the story of John the Baptist. His was definitely a unique life. And at the end of it, he had questions that we can’t be certain he found satisfactory answers before his life was disregardly taken.

Other biblical characters faced the same challenge-Joseph, Job, Peter, Elijah, Ruth, Mary, Noah, Jonah, John, to name a few. Some of these were graciously granted a resurrected view of God before they died, but even that cannot be guaranteed to anyone who places their faith in God.

And therein is the core of the question. How deep is your faith? When your finite expectations are tested by an infinite God, what do you do? Will you continue to follow? If you want to be challenged to meditate further on these questions, this book is a good resource. If you can’t answer yes to the blog title question, this book should be in your next-to-read pile.

Indifference: Get Some

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My goal in preparing my heart for planning and decision making is to remain in a state Ignatius of Loyola referred to as indifference. By indifference, he does not mean apathy or disinterest. He simply means we must become indifferent to anything but the will of God. Ignatius taught that the degree to which we are open to any outcome or answer from God is the degree to which we are ready to really hear what God has to say. If we are clutching or overly attached to one outcome versus another, we won’t hear God clearly. Our spiritual ears will be deafened by the racket of our disordered loves, fears, and attachments. In such a state, it is almost a forgone conclusion that we will confuse our will with God’s will. Ignatius considered this state of indifference to be spiritual freedom. If we are truly free, he argued, we wouldn’t worry about whether we are healthy or sick, rich or poor. It shouldn’t even matter whether we have a long life or a short one…Arriving at this place of interior indifference and trusting that God’s will is good — no matter the outcome — is no small task. We are attached to all kinds of secondary things — titles, positions, honors, places, persons, security, and the opinions of others. When these attachments are excessive, they become disordered attachments, or disordered loves, that push God out of the center of our life and become core to our identity. (The Emotionally Healthy Leader, Peter Scazzero, p195-196)

With this definition of indifference, here are some practical questions to test your indifference:

  1. If you’re unmarried, are you indifferent towards God’s marital plans for you?
  2. If you’re a parent, are you indifferent to God’s future for your children?
  3. If you’re a leader, are you indifferent to God’s vision for your business/ministry/home?
  4. If you’re close to retiring, are you indifferent to God’s next for you?
  5. If you’re in high school or college, are you indifferent to God’s career path for you?
  6. If you’re employed, are you indifferent to waiting on God for a promotion, recognition, or pay increase?
  7. If you’re unemployed, are you indifferent to God’s timing?
  8. If you’re unhappy, are you indifferent to what God offers as the way to joy?

If you don’t have indifference, what would it take to get some?

Fear and Conviction

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One more insight to share from Wilson’s book, The Next Level. Here’s a quote from chapter 27, The Excuses Test:

Our response to change is a reflection of the condition of our hearts. We live in fear when we insist on every question being answered and success guaranteed before we are willing to take the slightest step. We show our conviction of God’s wisdom, goodness, and strength when we trust and move forward without knowing all the answers.

If you find yourself paralyzed by fear, one way out is to stop demanding. Demand less from yourself, from God and from others. Pray for enough trust to take just one step out of your fear without demanding any degree of guarantee.

If you find yourself lacking conviction, check the object of your faith. Conviction’s strength comes from the object of faith. If the object is personal peace from having all the answers, life is going to be very stressful. If the object is the character of God, life is going to be more joyful. Discuss with God the object of your faith. You’ll find He’s a good listener, particularly to those who choose him as the object of their faith.

4 Ways to Let Them Walk Away

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Speaking truth with grace and love can be hard business. Like it or not, it is a business we should all practice and work to improve our giving and receiving of it.

In chapter 26 of his book The Next Level, Scott Wilson talks about this business between Jesus and the Rich Young Ruler in Mark 10. 

“And as he was setting out on his journey, a man ran up and knelt before him and asked him, “Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?” And Jesus said to him, “Why do you call me good? No one is good except God alone. You know the commandments: ‘Do not murder, Do not commit adultery, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Do not defraud, Honor your father and mother.'” And he said to him, “Teacher, all these I have kept from my youth.” And Jesus, looking at him, loved him, and said to him, “You lack one thing: go, sell all that you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.” Disheartened by the saying, he went away sorrowful, for he had great possessions. And Jesus looked around and said to his disciples, “How difficult it will be for those who have wealth to enter the kingdom of God!””

‭‭Mark‬ ‭10:17-23‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Here’s what Wilson wrote about Jesus’ interactions in this situation:

Jesus didn’t shake his fist at the man, and he didn’t warn him of impending doom if he didn’t repent. He simply spoke the truth with grace and love, and he let the man respond however he chose. Mark tells us the man was “very sad” to hear Jesus’ invitation, and he walked away. To him, money was more important than God’s favor. The man, though, wasn’t the only one who was sad that day. I’m sure Jesus felt sorrow as he watched him walk away.

If you’ve engaged in this business, you can relate to how Jesus possibly felt. When someone hears the truth but rejects it and walks away, the truth teller faces many possible reactions, emotions, and temptations. As Jesus modeled, the truth listener needs to be given the chance to walk away. For many truth tellers, this may be the roughest part of the business. Here are four ways for the truth teller to let the truth listener walk away:

  1. Be sad for them but refuse to follow them
  2. Love them but refuse to enable them
  3. Forgive them if necessary but refuse to receive repeated behaviors 
  4. Receive them if they return but refuse to ignore any relapsing behaviors

You may think of other boundaries to help. That’s good. This business is necessary. 

Yes, the listener may choose to walk away. That’s okay. Stay in business.

The Next Level (Book Review)

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Thankfully, I took my time reading through this book. Bought it four years ago on recommendation, but it’s been waiting its turn. As often happens, the timing was perfect. So thanks for the recommendation, Nancy.

This book is palatable for readers of all levels, by the way. The 31 chapters, that Wilson labels days, are no longer than 8 pages. So one could move leisurely through the book if desired. Each chapter is very devotional in nature, ending with a few questions for personal meditation or for group discussion. If you are a small group leader, you should definitely consider using this book for your group.

God has good and specific purposes for the tests he gives us. 

Each day focuses on a character in the Bible and a test they passed or failed that provided a next-level opportunity in their life’s journey. What Wilson does very well is make these tests applicable to the reader’s life as well. Examples of these tests include obedience, identity, perseverance, readiness, honesty, humility, loneliness, direction and courage. Who of us have or won’t face these tests? Here are some observations from these tests:

In many ways, knowing who we are and whose we are is at the heart of every other test in our lives. 

God never wastes our pain. He uses it to draw us deeper into a relationship with him and to touch people’s lives. 

Insisting God answer our questions creates a roadblock for our faith. 

There’s a difference between saying “yes” to God and saying “yes” to people. 

We get the most joy in life when we become holders of the spotlight instead of insisting on being in the spotlight. 

Whether you read it now or it waits its turn, this book should be in your library.

The Four Laws of Forgiveness (Book review)

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This is my second read of this book by Brad Johnson. And, by the way, nice to read it on my kindle to see my previous highlights and compare what stood out to me this time.

First, this is a quick read. Good for anyone looking for a “to the point” reference on this subject. Also good for a “reminder” read. We all need to have a habit of forgiveness. This book can not only give the first step toward that habit but also can provide checkpoints for the ongoing routine.

Chapter 4 stood out to me in this read. Johnson’s fourth law deals with risks and reward. These are his three principles for this law:

  1. Risk can be godly
  2. Vulnerability can be godly
  3. The rewards of forgiveness are great

Did God show his love and give his life before or after you and I chose to love him? He did it before, which was a risk. He had no assurance we would ever love him back.

I needed this reminder. Like Jesus (NT) and Joseph (OT), godliness includes risk and vulnerability. As believers, we have access to the same power that produced the rewards of their risk and vulnerability. We can forgive.

Book Review: The Power of the Other

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I just finished reading Dr. Henry Cloud’s latest book, The Power of the Other, and I’ve already given it away.

That might sound like I didn’t like it. Not the case. I passed it on to someone else because it needs to be read.

  • It should be read by anyone who tends to isolate themselves.
  • It should be read by anyone who is drawn to bad relationships.
  • It should be read by anyone who doesn’t deal well with reality.
  • It should be read by anyone seeking to establish healthy, honest, trustworthy, supportive and deep relationships.

Here are some teasers to see if you agree:

Good, caring people can be perceived wrongly by others simply because a connection has not been made. 

Rarely invest in or with someone who can’t listen. 

Character is much more than whether or not someone is going to lie, cheat, or steal. 

Healthy cultures embrace people where they are but they also nudge them and sometimes even push them to get better. 

When we are in a negative critical state, the brain, the mind, the spirit, and the soul are all in a downturn. 

The Listening Life (Book Review)

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I’ve taken a month to read this book. No, it wasn’t laboriously or begrudgingly. I’m a “read-every-word” kind of reader, and this book demands that every word be chewed on and not just skimmed. If that already turns your head, then you probably don’t need to rush to buy it. On the other hand, maybe you do.

Why? Read the subtitle. See why now?

If you agree attentiveness is hard work these days because of our ever increasing distracting world, then Adam McHugh is talking your language.

“…the fact that we pay millions of dollars annually for people to listen to us indicates our poverty in this arena.”

 “The voices we want to hear are not always the same as the voices we need to hear.” (Chapter 1)

McHugh does an excellent in the first five chapters establishing that this attentive life is grounded in our relationship with God, his Word, and Creation.

“God has absolutely no obligation to pay attention to anyone or anything…The Lord astonishes us and completely flips power on its ear by entering into listening relationships with people.”

“It seems that God’s ear is inclined toward those who themselves are listeners.”

“The Bible should never close us to hearing God’s voice in other venues; rather it ought to open us to recognize it wherever we hear it.”

In the final four chapters McHugh addresses the listening life between humans, those in pain, and listening to your life.

“Trying to fix, judge, rescue or change others are all subtle ways of exerting power over other people.”

“Good listening starts with the scandalous premise that this conversation is not about you.”

“How many conflicts and disagreements start because we think we already understand each other?”

“Listening experts say that only 7% of a person’s meaning is conveyed in the actual words they speak.”

“AHEN: Anger comes from a Hurt, which comes from an Expectation, which comes from a Need”

As a person who has been told many times over the years that I listen well, this book revealed many areas where I need growth. If you know you do also, take the time to read every word in this book. You and everyone in your life will thank you. I’m guessing even God will thank you. Well, most likely you’ll thank him. 

Enjoy your growth.

You NEED a Snickers

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Those snicker commercials…”you’re not you when you’re hungry”…excellent. I use that line often. “You need a snickers.”

Recently I discovered I hadn’t been me. And I didn’t even realize it. 

Sometimes, for various reasons, we can let life get us away from what makes us us. Or what keeps us healthy, alert, moving forward.

For example, reading is something I NEED. Earlier this year I realized that I hadn’t been doing it at the level at which I need. In a sense, I was starving myself. When I realized it, the first thing I did was ask the why question. Answered that, then determined to get back to doing what I need. And I feel more like me. Hunger satisfied.

That’s one of a few things I need to be me. There are certainly universal things we all need. But there are needs/things that are unique to us individually. Do you know your things that make you you? God designed you to need those things. How do you make sure you get them? You’re more you when you have them. 

Self-starvation is just crazy. Know your needs. Be aggressive in getting them so you can be you.

Perhaps God…

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In Jesus, CEO, Laurie Beth Jones says that both David and Jesus were able to mentally accept and integrate injustice as being part of God’s larger, loving plan. David illustrated this when his army wanted to defend him against cursing from a family member of Sauls. David denied them by saying perhaps God has sent him to curse me (2 Samuel 16). Jesus illustrated this multiple times in the closing narrative of his life by reminding everyone the authority they had was given to them from on high (John 19).

Life is lived differently when God is credited as the plan-maker, plan-developer, plan-controller.

For an illustration of this, follow this link to a friend of mine’s blog who has recently been diagnosed with cancer, who also lost her husband to cancer just five years ago.

What life event have you have a hard time accepting or understanding? 

How might your acceptance be altered if you considered that this life event was actually part of God’s plan?

Leave a comment about your thoughts on this viewpoint of God’s involvement in our lives.