Books

Book Review: The Power of the Other

/ johngregoryjr / Leave a comment

I just finished reading Dr. Henry Cloud’s latest book, The Power of the Other, and I’ve already given it away.

That might sound like I didn’t like it. Not the case. I passed it on to someone else because it needs to be read.

  • It should be read by anyone who tends to isolate themselves.
  • It should be read by anyone who is drawn to bad relationships.
  • It should be read by anyone who doesn’t deal well with reality.
  • It should be read by anyone seeking to establish healthy, honest, trustworthy, supportive and deep relationships.

Here are some teasers to see if you agree:

Good, caring people can be perceived wrongly by others simply because a connection has not been made. 

Rarely invest in or with someone who can’t listen. 

Character is much more than whether or not someone is going to lie, cheat, or steal. 

Healthy cultures embrace people where they are but they also nudge them and sometimes even push them to get better. 

When we are in a negative critical state, the brain, the mind, the spirit, and the soul are all in a downturn. 

The Listening Life (Book Review)

/ johngregoryjr / Leave a comment


I’ve taken a month to read this book. No, it wasn’t laboriously or begrudgingly. I’m a “read-every-word” kind of reader, and this book demands that every word be chewed on and not just skimmed. If that already turns your head, then you probably don’t need to rush to buy it. On the other hand, maybe you do.

Why? Read the subtitle. See why now?

If you agree attentiveness is hard work these days because of our ever increasing distracting world, then Adam McHugh is talking your language.

“…the fact that we pay millions of dollars annually for people to listen to us indicates our poverty in this arena.”

 “The voices we want to hear are not always the same as the voices we need to hear.” (Chapter 1)

McHugh does an excellent in the first five chapters establishing that this attentive life is grounded in our relationship with God, his Word, and Creation.

“God has absolutely no obligation to pay attention to anyone or anything…The Lord astonishes us and completely flips power on its ear by entering into listening relationships with people.”

“It seems that God’s ear is inclined toward those who themselves are listeners.”

“The Bible should never close us to hearing God’s voice in other venues; rather it ought to open us to recognize it wherever we hear it.”

In the final four chapters McHugh addresses the listening life between humans, those in pain, and listening to your life.

“Trying to fix, judge, rescue or change others are all subtle ways of exerting power over other people.”

“Good listening starts with the scandalous premise that this conversation is not about you.”

“How many conflicts and disagreements start because we think we already understand each other?”

“Listening experts say that only 7% of a person’s meaning is conveyed in the actual words they speak.”

“AHEN: Anger comes from a Hurt, which comes from an Expectation, which comes from a Need”

As a person who has been told many times over the years that I listen well, this book revealed many areas where I need growth. If you know you do also, take the time to read every word in this book. You and everyone in your life will thank you. I’m guessing even God will thank you. Well, most likely you’ll thank him. 

Enjoy your growth.

You NEED a Snickers

/ johngregoryjr / Leave a comment

Those snicker commercials…”you’re not you when you’re hungry”…excellent. I use that line often. “You need a snickers.”

Recently I discovered I hadn’t been me. And I didn’t even realize it. 

Sometimes, for various reasons, we can let life get us away from what makes us us. Or what keeps us healthy, alert, moving forward.

For example, reading is something I NEED. Earlier this year I realized that I hadn’t been doing it at the level at which I need. In a sense, I was starving myself. When I realized it, the first thing I did was ask the why question. Answered that, then determined to get back to doing what I need. And I feel more like me. Hunger satisfied.

That’s one of a few things I need to be me. There are certainly universal things we all need. But there are needs/things that are unique to us individually. Do you know your things that make you you? God designed you to need those things. How do you make sure you get them? You’re more you when you have them. 

Self-starvation is just crazy. Know your needs. Be aggressive in getting them so you can be you.

Perhaps God…

/ johngregoryjr / Leave a comment

In Jesus, CEO, Laurie Beth Jones says that both David and Jesus were able to mentally accept and integrate injustice as being part of God’s larger, loving plan. David illustrated this when his army wanted to defend him against cursing from a family member of Sauls. David denied them by saying perhaps God has sent him to curse me (2 Samuel 16). Jesus illustrated this multiple times in the closing narrative of his life by reminding everyone the authority they had was given to them from on high (John 19).

Life is lived differently when God is credited as the plan-maker, plan-developer, plan-controller.

For an illustration of this, follow this link to a friend of mine’s blog who has recently been diagnosed with cancer, who also lost her husband to cancer just five years ago.

What life event have you have a hard time accepting or understanding? 

How might your acceptance be altered if you considered that this life event was actually part of God’s plan?

Leave a comment about your thoughts on this viewpoint of God’s involvement in our lives.

Emotional Intelligence 2.0 (book review)

/ johngregoryjr / 2 Comments

Looking in the mirror-sometimes you like what you see, sometimes you don’t. Emotional Intelligence 2.0 is a look in the mirror of how you deal with emotions.

The daily challenge of dealing effectively with emotions is critical to the human condition because our brains are hard-wired to give emotions the upper hand (chapter 1).

Travis Bradberry and Jean Graves have done more than just put a mirror in our emotional face. They’ve given us something to do when we walk away from the mirror to improve the next look in the mirror. They provide access to the Emotional Intelligence Appraisal which reveals your standing in four skills making up your EQ: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management. 

EQ is so critical to success that it accounts for 58% of performance in all types of jobs. It’s the single biggest predictor of performance in the workplace and the strongest driver of leadership and personal excellence (chapter 2).

After succinctly giving the big picture of EQ, the four skills, and how to develop a personal EQ action plan in the book’s first four chapters, the final four chapters offer 66 strategies of what you need to say, do and think to increase your EQ. Most likely, your EQ is raised just by reading this content. 

The only way to genuinely understand your emotions is to spend enough time thinking through them to figure out where they come from and why they are there (chapter 3).

When you don’t stop to think about your feelings – including how they are influencing your behavior now, and will continue to do so in the future – you set yourself up to be a frequent victim of emotional hijackings (chapter 6).

What you see in the EQ mirror is most likely the product of skills that don’t come naturally to you. If you desire to improve these skills, this book and the resources at the author’s website give you what you need to like more of what you see in the EQ mirror. They recommend reading this book and reviewing the skill development strategies at least once a year-a good recommendation.

Feedback: What do you know about EQ and how important would you say it is?

Add this book to your library…NOW

/ johngregoryjr / Leave a comment

Paul David Tripp’s book Awe: Why It Matters for Everything We Think, Say & Do has been added to my list of must reads.

  • If you battle dissatisfaction, this book can help.
  • If you feel like you and God don’t get along or aren’t on the same page, this book can help.
  • If you work in ministry and have lost your joy, this book can help.
  • If you seem to be stuck figuring out your feelings, this book can help.
  • If you are angry with God, this book can help.
  • If you just can’t overcome complaining, this book can help.
  • If you have a shopping addiction, this book can help.
  • If you struggle processing what’s going on in the world, this book can help.
  • If you tend to control too much, this book can help.
  • If you struggle parenting, this book can help.
  • If you are looking to define success, this book can help.
  • If you aren’t sure whether heaven exists, this book can help.

Follow this link to Tripp’s website. Then buy this book. Read it soon. We are all at war over our awe. Learn why awe matters, what this war is even about, and let an awe correction change your life.

Important Question #2

/ johngregoryjr / Leave a comment

Two entries ago was a post referencing the first of Tripp’s two important questions for God’s children. That question was “what in the world is God doing right here, right now?” Here’s the second question: “How in the world should I respond to what God is doing right here, right now?”

These must be answered sequentially. Why? Starting with what God is doing avoids going down the wrong road of what man is doing. Going down the wrong road, focusing on man’s actions, makes way for a child of God to respond more horizontally rather than vertically. Watch one hour of news and you’re moved to be overwhelmed with what man is doing. That’s horizontal. So you must find avenues that show you what God is doing. That’s vertical.

When you do, then you can move on to the second question. You should move on to the second question. Why? Being an applauder of God isn’t being a follower. Acknowledging awe of God is more than just identifying what He’s doing right here, right now. A follower of God gets in on the action rather than settling to be a spectator. A follower of God remains in awe of God’s work and chooses to no longer live for themselves but to respond to God’s guidance (see Galatians 5). 

  • So how do you respond when man is causing division? Look up to get the self-control and peace from God to redirect man’s division to God’s unity.
  • So how do you respond when man wants to ignore truth? Look up to get the love, patience, and kindness from God to redirect man’s passions to God’s glory.
  • So how do you respond when man wants to gripe and complain? Look up to get the joy from God to redirect man’s disappointments to God’s faithfulness.
  • So how do you respond when man pursues evil? Look up to get the goodness and gentleness from God to redirect man’s darkness to God’s light.

Ask question #1…move on to question #2

Important Question #1

/ johngregoryjr / 2 Comments

In chapter 9 of Awe, Tripp says there are two important questions to the child of God. The first one is, “What in the world is God doing right here, right now?”

Notice the question isn’t why is God allowing what is going on the world, nor is it how is God allowing what is happening to me. Those two questions, whether we like to admit it or not, turn the inquiry into worship of man rather than worship of God. Tripp suggests that our awe has been repositioned when we turn the question to focus on ourselves.

What a temptation. What natural questions. It goes against our spirit to not think how circumstances impact us directly. However, when we live life in that view, it can be extremely burdening. It’s a burden to have to understand all the whys of life. Freedom comes by changing the question from why and how to what. Focus is put back on God and away from feelings or even circumstances. When God is the object of the focus, hope is restored, faith is strengthened, and worship is realigned and unforgotten.

In these days of political uncertainty, try asking what is God doing.

In your days of family challenges, try asking what is God doing.

In your season of job insecurity, try asking what is God doing.

In the valley and on the mountaintop, in the winter and the summer, at the beginning of life and the end of life, protect your awe. Ask God what He is doing.

Moses: 40 Years of Captured Awe

/ johngregoryjr / 1 Comment

Exodus 3&4 recount the call of Moses out of a 40-year exile to lead the children of Israel out of Egypt. God’s awe-filled display is dismissed by Moses’ fear. Read Paul David Tripp’s words on this scene (chapter 2 of Awe):

At the end of God’s glorious display of power, Moses begs God to send someone else. It’s as if fear of personal inadequacy and political danger has completely blinded his eyes to the awesome glory of the One sending him. Moses is not in awe of God. No, the awe capacity of his heart has been captured by fear of the Egyptians, and all he can think of is being released from the task to which God has appointed him.

Captured. Has your awe been captured? What does that even mean?

It means your awe has been redirected toward something or someone that doesn’t represent your best option, purpose, or worship. In Moses’ 40-year-captured case, this happened because of fear. 

You may think a lack of focus or maybe thoughts of doubt or confusion are to blame. Most likely, the root of your captured awe isn’t doubtful, confusing thoughts or inability to focus. Most likely, a fear is responsible.

Might it be a fear of comparison…of failure…of rejection…of success…of loss…of uncertainty…of loneliness…of pain…of expectations?

What if you saw God as the source of love…of purpose…of forgiveness…of healing…of power…of everything?

What if you remembered that God filled your lungs with breath…took you as you were…brought you out of the dark?

What if you released fear and gave God back your captured awe?

The Awe Boundary

/ johngregoryjr / Leave a comment

In chapter 2 of Awe, Paul David Tripp talks about war. He isn’t talking about political or international war. He’s talking about spiritual war, and a very personal war at that. 

…a war wages over who or what will rule and control the awe capacity that God has established within the heart of every human being.

This war started soon after man’s creation. This war started when man was tempted to step over the awe boundary to pursue becoming like God. 

This dangerous fantasy now lurks in the heart of every sinner. We want godlike recognition, godlike control, godlike power, and godlike centrality. This was the initial moment when awe of self overrode awe of God and set the agenda for every person’s thoughts, desires, choices, and behaviors. For billions of people ever since, awe of self has literally driven every selfish, antisocial, and immoral thing we do.

Can you see it? It’s all around us. We are in awe of ourselves. Everyone of us face this war. 

TRUTH: this is a war we will lose, now or later. For everyone’s sake, it’s best to surrender-to step back across the awe boundary every time we find ourselves on the wrong side. It’s a constant battle that cannot be ignored.

TRUTH: the war really has already been won. It’s why Jesus came. He’s worthy of our awe. Maintaining focus on awe of Him keeps you on the right side of the boundary.