Caught another intriguing episode of Everything Happens. The title: Living with the End in Mind. Kate’s guest: Dr. Kathryn Mannix, palliative care physician and cognitive behavioral therapist.

One story Dr. Mannix relayed towards the end of the conversation was a detailed account of a cancer patient, a mother expressing deep worry about what her death would mean for her children. In a very specific notion of what it would mean for her daughter to be motherless, she said “they’ll be nobody to tell her about periods.”

These types of worries and thoughts became their work. One tool they devised to deal with them was by keeping a worry book.

This is another really great technique. So every time her thought monster gave her another thing to worry about, instead of worrying about it, because worry is our way of making sure we don’t forget to deal with something. If you get a little worry book, you just write it down and say “okay, gotcha, thanks. Bye. You can go now because I’ve captured it.” And next time I have worry time, which is my appointment with myself once a week to sit down and look at my list of things that I mustn’t forget to worry about. Sometimes when you look at the list, you can see three of them that actually, I was obviously having a really bad day that day because they are just not worth worrying about. Just cross those ones right out. And that still leaves me with a few. So which couple shall I tackle today? And so it moves us from being at the mercy of all difficult thoughts. To being the person who’s choosing when and how to think about those difficult thoughts.

How did you like that definition of worry: our way of making sure we don’t forget to deal with something?

I relate. Not that I keep a book, but I’ve found that choosing when and how to think about difficult thoughts is freeing. And dare I say holy.

Why holy? It seems to align with a portion of the Sermon on Mount found in Matthew. Here’s the portion I’m thinking about:

²⁵ “I tell you, do not worry. Don’t worry about your life and what you will eat or drink. And don’t worry about your body and what you will wear. Isn’t there more to life than eating? Aren’t there more important things for the body than clothes? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air. They don’t plant or gather crops. They don’t put away crops in storerooms. But your Father who is in heaven feeds them. Aren’t you worth much more than they are? ²⁷ Can you add even one hour to your life by worrying?

²⁸ “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the wild flowers grow. They don’t work or make clothing. ²⁹ But here is what I tell you. Not even Solomon in all his royal robes was dressed like one of these flowers. ³⁰ If that is how God dresses the wild grass, won’t he dress you even better? Your faith is so small! After all, the grass is here only today. Tomorrow it is thrown into the fire. ³¹ So don’t worry. Don’t say, ‘What will we eat?’ Or, ‘What will we drink?’ Or, ‘What will we wear?’ ³² People who are ungodly run after all those things. Your Father who is in heaven knows that you need them. ³³ But put God’s kingdom first. Do what he wants you to do. Then all those things will also be given to you.

I’m not suggesting it would be appropriate, even empathetic, to quote these verses to someone pondering their death. What I am saying is the principal of kingdom living that says, “God knows what I need. He knows what everyone in my life needs right now. And my not being here won’t change that. It’s hard to keep that thought first. But it’s possible. And the thoughts that keep me from doing that need to be captured. When I do that and the more I do that, God is free to give me what I need right now, and free to give those I’m worried about what they need now…and the next day…and the next day… and the next day…“

If you find yourself in a place where God isn’t free to give you what you need, maybe a worry book would be a great gift to yourself for Christmas or the New Year…so you don’t forget to deal with something…so God can.

Photo by Freddy Castro on Unsplash