3 Character Traits My Mother Modeled 

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My mother was widowed at the age of 43. She lost her husband to a cancer battle that lasted less than a year. In roughly 18 months, she went from being a pastor’s wife with four children living in Northeast Alabama to being a single mother whose oldest daughter was going off to college, who still had three children at home between the ages of 11 and 16, and relocating to Southeast Georgia to start a new job. I don’t remember ever hearing my mother complain or show bitterness toward God. In fact, she modeled many character traits that illustrated faith and reflected resilience.

Dedication

  • She doggedly determined to finish the job that she and her husband started in developing their children into followers of God.

Commitment

  • I don’t recall her ever missing work. What I do recall is her bringing home work in order to get things done, to be a committed and reliable employee.

Discipline

  • Regularly I heard my mother praying or observed her reading her Bible through her slightly opened bedroom door. She not only led us in family devotions, she was disciplined to prioritize her own spiritual disciplines.

I call my mother blessed. I thank her for modeling faithfulness and giving her children a rich spiritual heritage for which her husband would praise her (Proverbs 31:28).

The Awe Boundary

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In chapter 2 of Awe, Paul David Tripp talks about war. He isn’t talking about political or international war. He’s talking about spiritual war, and a very personal war at that. 

…a war wages over who or what will rule and control the awe capacity that God has established within the heart of every human being.

This war started soon after man’s creation. This war started when man was tempted to step over the awe boundary to pursue becoming like God. 

This dangerous fantasy now lurks in the heart of every sinner. We want godlike recognition, godlike control, godlike power, and godlike centrality. This was the initial moment when awe of self overrode awe of God and set the agenda for every person’s thoughts, desires, choices, and behaviors. For billions of people ever since, awe of self has literally driven every selfish, antisocial, and immoral thing we do.

Can you see it? It’s all around us. We are in awe of ourselves. Everyone of us face this war. 

TRUTH: this is a war we will lose, now or later. For everyone’s sake, it’s best to surrender-to step back across the awe boundary every time we find ourselves on the wrong side. It’s a constant battle that cannot be ignored.

TRUTH: the war really has already been won. It’s why Jesus came. He’s worthy of our awe. Maintaining focus on awe of Him keeps you on the right side of the boundary.

Leadership and Self-Deception (book review)

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…no matter what we’re doing on the outside, people respond primarily to how we’re feeling about them on the inside.

For me, this quote sums up the content of this book. The self-proclamation of the book’s purpose is to educate the reader about their self-deception that is central to their relationship problems. In the fictional approach to the subject, all relationships in a person’s life are brought into the light. The focus is mostly on the work environment, but family relational dynamics are also put under the lights.

You could say that the principles discussed help you analyze your ability to live by the Golden Rule. You could also say, from a biblical view, this book challenges your struggles with pride and tests your production of the fruits of the spirit. Two key principles, among others, that are analyzed are the impulse to blame others for our problems and the tendency to deal with things that are going wrong rather than helping things go right.

Should you read this book? Do you want better family dynamics? Does your team need better communication? Do you want to grow? If you answered yes to any of these questions, get to reading. By the way, it’s an easy read. Fast readers could knock it out in one evening. With intention, you could get it read in a week or two.

Happy Reading!

Unselfish Grieving

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Matthew 14 records the death of John the Baptist, Jesus’ cousin and forerunner.

When Jesus heard what had happened, he withdrew by boat privately to a solitary place. Hearing of this, the crowds followed him on foot from the towns. When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and healed their sick. (Verses 13-14)

  • In his grief, Jesus sought solitude. Normal.
  • Regardless of his loss, people still were seeking Jesus’ touch. Reality.
  • In his grief, Jesus saw the needy crowd with compassion and not with frustration. Supernatural.
  • Despite his grief, Jesus chose to heal, to give, to continue, to refocus. Unselfish.

Sometimes the best healer is healing, giving, noticing, and choosing to take your eyes off yourself. 

Unselfish sacrifice. Unselfish grieving.

With is better than For

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With is better than for. This is true in marriages, in families, in business, in organizations, in friendships, in life.

In the concept of leadership, consider these principles:

  • Good leaders nurture a with culture not a for culture.
  • Any form of isolation encourages for thinking. 
  • If you view those under your leadership in a for view, you’ll be tempted to be more about the work than the person. This may lead to you consciously or subconsciously offload your work to the for people.
  • If you view those under your leadership in a with view, chances improve that you won’t be tempted to offload your work. You and your team will own the work together.
  • Cultures of for are more prone to be fractured and competitive. Cultures of with are more prone to be unified and supportive.

In any setting, consider these actions to nurture a with culture:

  • Be a delegator. Give others the chance to work with you. Give others the opportunity to own their role on the team.
  • Be approachable. Literally leave your office door open more often. Go to other’s offices spontaneously or even schedule meetings in their space.
  • Go to lunch with each other. You may even need to calendar intentional with lunches.
  • Check your prepositions. Delete fors as much as possible. Be deliberate in saying with.
  • In meetings, ask more questions, give space for everyone at the table to interject. Balance your amount of talking and listening. Listen for any indicators of for thinking and perceptions and immediately address the need to change them. Be a leader in withing.

5 Suggestions on Filling the Empty Space, you know, or, I mean, not

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“Uh,” according to dictionary.com, is an interjection used to indicate hesitation, doubt or a pause.

In listening to interviews and conversations, it appears “uh” has some family members. Their names are “you know” and “I mean.”

We all use forms of interjections. You should do some self-, “out-of-body” listening to your own conversations to observe how you fill empty space. Empty space is unnecessarily feared. Empty space is the space between one person’s statement and the next person’s statement in dialogue. If this space is feared, one tends to either talk over the other person or start a response before fully developing the thought in their mind. In either case, the interjections may not reflect the best offering to good dialogue or articulation.

To grow in being comfortable with conversational empty space, here are five suggestions:

  1. Pause: You won’t appear ignorant if you choose to pause before giving an articulated, developed reply.
  2. Develop: You appear less confident by stammering through an undeveloped answer than by taking time to develop your answer during the empty space.
  3. Listen: Listen to the wording of any question in order to use it to better begin your answer. For example, in replying to “What did you think about the President’s speech yesterday?” say, “The President’s speech yesterday was interesting and here’s why I say that. The President said…”
  4. Consider: Consider the need for a pregnant pause. Often the silence of the empty space is the best answer. You might call it marinating.
  5. Breathe: Your audience, even if it’s an audience of one, will breathe with you. In many cases, the speed of the conversation causes you to feel pressure to fill the empty space. You can take control of the speed of the conversation, certainly your side of it, by just taking a nice, deep breathe occasionally. Create ebb and flow. Hit the refresh button.

Know Your Season

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There are aspects of a job, of being a parent, of living that are a given that they should always be present. These aspects often actually go through a season where they are heightened to another level of intentionality or necessity. Solomon wrote about these examples in Ecclesiastes (see chapters 3&8). 

Here’s a directional question that could help you get more out of your seasons. Do you know your current season? If so, what intentionality are you getting out of it? If not, how could you determine the nature of your current season? Consider these possibilities:

Season of margin or rest or fun or renewal

  • God actually made this clear from the very beginning (Genesis 2; Exodus 20). He designed you with a seasonal need for rest. The more you intentionally seek it the better that need will be met.

Season of focus/little margin/doing

  • “…a time to plant and a time to uproot…a time to tear down and a time to build…” You probably spend most of your time in this season. A more directional question to ask yourself is what are you focused on right now and for how long-what is God’s intent for your current focus/doing.

Season of giving

  • You should live with a giving spirit. Some seasons call for more intentionality of giving, not just living in that spirit. For instance, giving care for an unhealthy loved one or providing shelter for needy family members.

Season of receiving

  • Last week someone reminded me that givers and doers are not good receivers. Givers and doers, how can you keep giving and doing if you never go through seasons of receiving? Here’s a key word: balance.

Know your season. Have intention to get the most out of your season. 

Know your season. Balance rest and doing, giving and receiving. 

3 Productive Denials

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Production begins with a set direction, a determined goal. Each morning the choices you make determine your direction, your production. So the production of each day is determined by the things you choose to do and the things you choose not to do – what you allow and what you deny. 

To be productive, here are three things that should be denied:

Deny any bend toward laziness

  • A productive day begins with exercise of mind, spirit or body – determination to get up and start moving, to stretch your mind, to engage your spirit (Proverbs 26:13-16)

Deny any bend toward holding on

  • A productive day begins by resisting temptations of anger, bitterness, negativity, unforgiveness (Philippians 3:12-16)

Deny any bend toward independence 

  • A productive day begins by admitting we are better together (Psalm 49:13-14)

Pray, “Lord, I desire to be productive today. Whatever bends I have away from you, I deny them in order to move toward you. Your will be done today as it is in heaven.”

Dr. Henry Cloud on Worry

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In this Q&A video, move forward (the whole video is good, btw) to 5:30 to listen to Dr. Cloud answer this question about worry: “How can you train your mind to not worry?”

His answer may help you apply Scriptures like Matthew 6:25-34 and Philippians 4:4-8