During the 2024 holiday season I attended a party where I was the only non-coupled person. I had emotions about it. These emotions aren’t new. They certainly surface more around holidays, which I personally started noticing about seven or eight years ago.

These emotions if left unchecked can lead your mind down all kinds of paths, many which are based off some isolated statement or some cultural bias. Bottom line: You can start believing lies.

Before identifying some of these lies, here are a few facts to let you know you aren’t as alone as you might think.

• According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 46.4% of adults in the United States are single, which is nearly every other adult aged 18 or older. This includes those who are divorced, widowed, or have never married.
• In 2023, there were approximately 38.1 million single-person households in the United States. This is an increase from the previous year, when there were 37.89 million single-person households.

Already you can identify some of the lies about being single, right? But let’s name them, if for no other reason but to expose them.

#1 Other: This lie says you are outside the norm. You are other. You do not fit in with everyone else.

#2 Needy: This lie says when you acknowledge the emotions of being single you are immediately classified as needy. You aren’t allowed to feel those things; suppress them and move on.

#3 Unhireable: This lie says that if you want to succeed in your career, it’s impossible as a single person. Hireable people have partners. The best teamplayers are in a relationship.

#4 Second-rate: This lie sounds like #1, but it’s not. It says something is wrong with you. You can’t possibly be top shelf.

#5 Alone: This lie comes from the reality that much of the time you are by yourself. Being by yourself therefore equals being alone. It rejects the idea that having friends or a faith system changes the definition.

#6 Damaged: It’s possible this lie has actually been spoken about/over/to you. It’s sorta like the idea that just because you read something on the internet it must be true.

#7 Unlovable: This lie seems to have its roots in doomsday, what if, cause and effect thinking. If you don’t have someone saying they love you from a romantic relationship, then you aren’t.

Single person, I’m not going to insult your intelligence by stating the truths that dispel these lies. Rather, I’m just going to encourage you to consider what I did on my way home from that party.

Feel the feelings, identify the lies, speak truth over yourself, and make the choice to believe it.

Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash