Learning & Growth

Fruity Fridays: Complicated Kindness

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(A series about the Fruit of the Spirit, Galatians 5)

post by Eric Vorhies 

Kindness is something I struggle with.

I am not saying that I am inherently mean. It’s just that I have a very matter of fact way of dealing with people. I chalk it up to being a task-oriented person. 

I like tasks. They are simple. They generally have a beginning and an ending…They can be completed.

People and their feelings are not so nice and easy. They are complicated. And sometimes, we, ourselves, don’t even know why we feel one way or choose to do a certain thing. How do two people, who are uncertain about how things should be done or even how they feel about it, come together on common ground? In a world where people are hurt because someone didn’t like their Instagram post, I am lost on how to validate some people’s thoughts, opinions, actions, and feelings…but…then there is kindness.

The power of kindness is that it bridges my humanity to that of another person. 

The only way I know this is by trying to look at the Bible through the lens of modern times. If Jesus were walking with us today as he did back then, Jesus would be at the bar hanging out with drunks, hookers, and IRS agents. He wouldn’t be doing anything wrong, but we would still wonder why he was there when he could be hanging out with us. He would also make time in his busy schedule to stop and hang out with kids and to visit people at the hospital. The more I think about it the more I realize that kindness bridges two people that are different. 

It is easy to see and accept us and them — Christians and non-Christians, Americans and everyone else, Republican and Democrats. But kindness gives us the opportunity to see more than that…to see people as…you know, people. That’s what Jesus was doing his entire ministry. He marginalized the difference between His divinity and our sinfulness by being kind. 

I will never say it is easy. Remember, I am a task-oriented person. But when I catch myself missing a moment to show kindness, I try to imitate Christ by loving first and in truth and action. Because despite any apparent differences, I am just like every other person — a human in need of the Gospel — and by showing kindness, I can show others who Christ is.

Bed Stillness

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“Know that the Lord has set apart the faithful for Himself; the Lord will hear when I call to Him. Be angry and do not sin; on your bed, reflect in your heart and be still. Selah” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭4:3-4‬ ‭HCSB‬

Often people tell me they aren’t getting good sleep. Just yesterday two people talked to me about their sleep. One of them “couldn’t sleep” the night before. The other one said they used to have to take pills to sleep, but since they’ve started addressing things in their life they are at more peace and don’t rely on pills anymore to sleep.

Learning to be still with God in the darkness of night or the early hours of morning is a sign of the faithful. These verses give three things that should keep one from needing drugs to sleep:

1) Know who the Lord honors and values, know he hears when you call on Him.

2) Be angry but don’t sin. It’s normal to have anger. It’s also human to sin. Sleep is lost when anger is allowed to harbor sin, not confess it, or keep you enslaved to it.

3) Reflect in your heart and be still. Recently when I’ve woken up either from a dream or earlier than the alarm, I’ve practiced being still and talking with God about whatever He’s bringing to my mind. Sleep, peace and rest are the result of bed stillness.

Running Tuesdays: Hype or Hope or Hypothermia (Recovering after a run)

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by Lorraine Kennimouth Williams

I remember my first long run; it was approximately 10 years ago when I ran 11 miles without stopping! I was jubilant and I was DEAD; absolutely worn out, the rest of the day was a fog! I remember wondering how people were capable of running such high mileage and then getting on with the rest of their day. I would hear conversations like, “I am going to Ikea after this to pick up a bed for the baby,” or, “I can’t go to breakfast because I have to attend my son’s little league game,” or, “After this we’re off to Disney,” and so on – and all I could think was, “After this I am going home to die on the couch”! I just couldn’t imagine it! Each week when I would run 10+ miles on a Sunday morning I would literally be spent! 

After doing a little research I was introduced to post workout drinks. These were supposed to replenish the nutrients your body loses on such long runs; they are touted as having the perfect 4:1 ratio of carbs to protein. So I tried them – I tried all of them! And …. although I received favorable feedback from others who tried these concoctions, it was hundreds of dollars later when I decided they didn’t work for me.  

Let me attempt to explain how I felt after one of these gargantuan runs. I didn’t feel achy or stiff. It wasn’t even about tired limbs; it was plain and simple fatigue that would permeate my entire being and reduce me to a blob of nothingness that could do nothing more than flop on a couch.

One day I read an article that stated ice baths were the key to rid the body of “fatigue blues” – I went for it – No holds barred! My preferred method was as follows…. Fill the tub with tepid (almost cold) water, enough water to cover legs and hips – almost waist high. Have 30-1bs bag of ice within arms reach of the bath tub. Carefully climb into water – fully clothed (don’t change out of running gear to include socks). Once body is fully immersed, slowly empty the ice into the water – Brrr! The trick is to try and remain perfectly still and not hold your breath. Now …. Stay like that for 20 minutes! After the alarm goes off, JUMP out of tub, rip off freezing wet clothes as fast as viably possible, dry off and wrap yourself in warm towels. Once you are swaddled in towels, jump into bed until your body slowly regains feeling and then take a nice hot shower – Voila! 

Okay, this is torture – but it WORKS! It really, really works! I found myself doing this after every long run – the benefits were worth the 20 minutes of torture. Let me explain what it did for me. After going through the aforementioned regimen, I would honestly feel as if I hadn’t run at all; I would feel as fresh as if getting out of bed after a 9-hour restful night. It was magic! I became one of those individuals who too could shop in Ikea, go to baseball games or go off to save the world. I started to recommend these torture sessions to all of my running buds; I had found the “fountain of youth” for runners, but alas, no one else was as brave – they wouldn’t even consider it!  

Fast forward: several marathons and half-marathons later and ice baths are a thing of the past. The reason … your body eventually gets used to the pounding of the pavement, and it magically appears to strengthen and endure all by itself – naturally. Where I used to spend my energy after a race running to fill the tub with ice, I now use that energy to find the first available beer and a nice meal to celebrate.  

Fruity Fridays: The Dirty Road

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(A series about the Fruit of the Spirit, Galatians 5)

by Jeremy Nixon

An elderly man, almost empty on life, walked up and said, “Excuse me, sir.” 

At this point most people would dash for the car and duck into their comfy lifestyle of “I’m better than that person. I sure wouldn’t be caught talking to him!” The young man, though, without hesitation said, “Hey, how are you?” 

The feeble old man, with one eye wired shut, said, “I was wondering if you could feed me?” He ducked his head. You could see the disappointment and sadness that had overcome him, and he couldn’t believe that he was actually having to do this. Tears ran out of his left eye.

Let’s face it. We drive by people like this all the time. What do you honestly think when you drive past someone like this? Do you see Christ in them, or do you just pass by and be happy with yourself and what you think you’ve accomplished in life? In Colossians 3:12, Paul says, “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves in compassion, KINDNESS, humility, gentleness and patience.” When confronted with situations like this…do you show kindness or do you just ignore them? You see, when you set your eyes on the kingdom, God changes how you live on this earth. And I’ll be honest, this hits home and has me trying to figure out what my eyes are fixed on. Your love for God pushes you to love others, and when you do this you “clothe” yourself in kindness.  

Back to the story.

“Where do you want to eat?” asked the young man. He had just finished eating. 

The older gentleman said, “White Castle.”

“White Castle it is!” the young man shouted. They walked across a busy intersection, dodging cars…all the while people staring and poking fun. The two men talked, and they ordered food…a lot of food for the older gentleman. They talked more, then the older man was on his way, the young man was on his way.

Before you believe, you see kindness…you see love. Luke 19:10 says, “Christ came to seek and save those who are lost.” That’s it. Period. We are to be like Christ in everything; every aspect of our lives is supposed to look like Him and point to Him. Luke 19:10 was Christ’s mission; in turn it’s the least we can do, right? Seek and save the lost. In easier terms, share the love of Christ. How do we do that? Show the kindness that God has placed in our life. Our lives change as we grow in Christ. Kindness is the product of this change. If we are going to love God and love people, then kindness has to be evident in our lives.  

Is it easy? This road less traveled? No. The road is dirty, sometimes you can hardly see it; it’s covered with leaves. Sometimes there is no help, and you can’t see the end. At times it’s down right disgusting, sleeping on the dirty ground with people driving by not paying any attention to you. And I believe this is where our love for Christ has to step in, and kindness is produced so others can meet Christ, possibly, for the first time. You never know who needs Jesus, and the person right in front of you may need to see Him through you. 

My prayer is this: God help me to respond to people and love people the way you would. Help me to be kind and show the kindness that my love for you produces.

By the way, the old man’s name is Delbert. He’s 59, been shot in the eye…and lived! He knows that God has a purpose for him; he’s not sure what it is, but he is keeping on. What will you do with the kindness that God calls us to live out?

Happiness, as learned from trees

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“How happy is the man who does not follow the advice of the wicked or take the path of sinners or join a group of mockers! Instead, his delight is in the Lord’s instruction, and he meditates on it day and night. He is like a tree planted beside streams of water that bears its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers.” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭1:1-3‬ ‭HCSB‬‬

The symbolism of the tree brings deeper understanding to truths about happiness.

  • A tree is dependent on the order of creation in order to grow and complete its purpose. Happiness is founded in reliance on our Creator.
  • A tree goes through seasons. Happiness doesn’t have to be contained to just the fruit-bearing times.
  • A tree is nourished by other means than itself. Happiness involves being connected to the rest of God’s creation.
  • A tree stays in one place. Happiness can largely be found in knowing your God-given purpose and living it out.

Fruity Fridays: 3 Acceptances of Patience

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(A series about the Fruit of the Spirit, Galatians 5)

Last Fruity Friday, Jeremy noted that patience is defined as “the capacity to accept…” So I’ve been thinking about the acceptances of patience. Here are three truths to accept that should deepen patience.

Accept the truth that God gave us all a purpose

That person’s personality that is so not yours has a God-given purpose. And it just might be to help you view a bigger picture of God. For example, you might be a planner like God, but that doesn’t mean that God can’t roll with your coworker who best creates under pressure.

Accept the truth that we all have flaws

If God realizes this about us humans, why do we have such a problem with this truth? Could it be that we’ve grown so comfortable in our flaws that we don’t see them anymore? That we think we’re okay and everyone else is the problem? Just reading that sounds ridiculous, right? But yet, it’s the stuff of impatience. Patience is accepting and loving people with all their flaws.

Accept the truth that everyone is on a journey

These journeys include emotional intelligence, relationship maturity, spiritual growth, financial responsibility, character development, leadership aptitude, among others. These days this seems to be even more challenging as the widening of generational journeys continues. Boomer, recognize the journey location of the millennial, and vice versa. One step toward patience could be simply pausing to consider the location of the other person’s journey. It’s okay that the two of you are not at the same place in your journeys.

You’ve probably been told to be cautious about praying for patience. Here’s a thought: the next time you sense the impatience rising, instead of asking God for patience ask God what truth he wants you to accept. May you see your journey move forward. Happy Accepting!

Fruity Fridays: Please Be Patient

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(A series about the Fruit of the Spirit, Galatians 5)

by Jeremy Nixon

One day this past week I asked my 4 y/o daughter to get buckled up in my pickup truck so we could leave. In my head, that looks like her crawling in the truck and getting in her seat and buckling up. But what generally happens is as follows: I usually open the door and she hops in (lost in space) and gets in her seat, gets out of her seat, finds a toy she left in there and then plays with her sister and then crawls up front to pretend drive at which point I walk outside to see her NOT buckled up. I lose my #&#^$ then, well…she buckles up and all is well in the world, at least mine. She’s a lot like me, so I get her and I love her to death! I never knew a house full of girls could try my patience so much.

Patience is defined as the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset. Clearly it’s something that I would say I don’t possess or at least don’t possess on a consistent basis.  

I asked a fellow fireman what he thought about patience and his answer intrigued me. I said, “What do think about patience, you know like in the Bible, the fruits of the spirit?” His reply: “It’s something that you need for all the other fruits.” I thought superfruit!! Patience is huge. With my house full of beautiful, loving girls, patience is something that is tested on a daily, if not hourly, basis. Love, joy, peace…yeah, got it, but patience; my, oh my, is it a hard one. Paul writes that if we live by the Spirit, then we should also walk by the spirit.   

What does patience look like in our lives? In my line of work patience is something that you have to deal with on many emergency calls throughout the day. Most of the time people seriously need help. They are calling you at their weakest moment and truly need help, but then there are the times when someone is calling just to talk or see someone. Patience is tested at 3am when we get called out to something that doesn’t actually require us or even a false call. Yet we still go. It’s what we are paid to do…for most it’s what we are called to do.   

Patience isn’t something that only we experience. Jesus had to show patience in his life on earth. The 12 disciples…need I say more? That ragtag bunch tested his patience on a daily basis, and it was His opportunity to model how to be patient to us. If God calls us to be like him and to show his love, then we have to be patient. God is love. Love is patient. I am so thankful that the Lord is patient with me (I’m one of the ragtags). 

I’ve talked about picking fruit and how dirty it is. Patience is sure not to disappoint because it is something that I believe is a very hard task. God has equipped us to be patient and to show patience. Just like my buddy said, it takes patience to get the rest of the fruits. I truly believe that the fruits all go hand in hand.  

Patience is a characteristic that God can use to reach your friends, neighbors and the world. Go forth…be fruity…be patient. I’m going to get back in the living room with the girls and work on my patience…it’s almost bedtime! 

2 Love Questions

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Unintentionally, I’ve read quite a bit on the subject of love in the last few weeks-more specifically, the impacts of love versus fear on one’s life-the good, the bad, the ugly. Guess which one produces the good?

Most of this reading was in Timothy Jenning’s book entitled The God-Shaped Brain. Jennings presents convincing psychological, neurological and biblical evidence of the rewards of receiving and giving the love of God. Then I read the last chapter entitled “Love is All We Need” in a coaching book, an assignment for a class. The coauthors trump the value of love for a healthy, well-lived, fruitful life.

I’ve been focusing on the discipline of journaling since the beginning of the year. As a response to these readings, I’ve let this subject of love be my jumping off spot this week. And I’ve unearthed a powerful exercise. It’s simple but thought provoking. If followed daily, it could change how each day is reviewed and how the next day is lived. The exercise includes answering the following two questions at the end of the day:

  • How did God show me his love today?

This could be in an answered prayer, through someone else’s actions, through my observation of nature, or through scripture reading and meditation.

  • How did I show his love today?

This is the more challenging question. If you are aware of the coming question, it should put you in the mindset that you want to have something to report. It doesn’t reflect well on receiving God’s love by not showing his love. This question has the potential of changing a day’s course for you and therefore for others.

Yesterday, a friend noted the good mentioned in a prayer that made them aware of God’s activity. Your focus on him, his love, his goodness will make a difference. Give these two love questions some thought and see how aware you can become of his love.

Refuge

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“But Boaz answered her, “All that you have done for your mother-in-law since the death of your husband has been fully told to me, and how you left your father and mother and your native land and came to a people that you did not know before. The Lord repay you for what you have done, and a full reward be given you by the Lord, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge!””‭‭ Ruth‬ ‭2:11-12‬ ‭ESV‬

By Ruth’s example we see where the best place of refuge is.

  • It’s not always with family.
  • It’s not always with comfort.
  • It’s not always with the expected.
  • It’s not always with what’s familiar.
  • It may involve sacrifice.
  • It may involve leaving it all behind.
  • It may involve ignoring the norm.

Under the wings of the God of Ruth we see where the best place of refuge is.

Fruity Fridays: Level-Headed Transitioning

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(A series about the Fruit of the Spirit, Galatians 5)

entry by Eric Vorhies 
I spent the last month thinking about how to define patience. Here’s what I came up with: The ability to transition from expectation to reality while remaining level-headed. 

  • Expectation: Drive home from work in a timely manner…and on a good day, hit only green lights

Reality: Stuck in traffic because there is an accident on the other side of the interstate that people are slowing down to see

  • Expectation: Go to bed at a decent hour

Reality: Three kids

  • Expectation: Living a long and healthy life

Reality: Getting diagnosed with cancer

  • Expectation: To be trusted by people in your workplace

Reality: The boss micromanages your every move in the most obnoxious way possible

Last one, 

  • Expectation: The person closest to you should understand you the best

Reality: The closer someone is to you the more monumental small misunderstandings will be

Patience isn’t always about just waiting for external forces to align properly. Most of the time it is about internally disassembling our expectations so that we can pick up the pieces and deal with reality. 
The more we lean on God, the more we allow the Holy Spirit to lead us, the quicker we can go through this process -whether it is a seemingly small thing such as trying to understand what your two-year-old is saying through his tears of frustration, or a rather large thing such as waiting to hear back about medical test results which will be delivered at the rapid pace of six weeks.

But I don’t need to go on about moments in life that may or may not cause some of you to become impatient. I want to share the best way that I know how to deal with potential impatience, or even active impatience.

“In the meantime” – this is the process of doing something different than what you had specifically planned to do. For instance, stuck in traffic? You planned on cruising right home, but you can’t. So, in the meantime, listen to some great podcasts…and learn a ton of stuff that you wouldn’t have made time for otherwise. Can’t land that dream job? In the meantime, land any job in the same field. Waiting with a four-year-old to get your tires aligned? In the meantime, get off your phone and play with him rather than expect him to stay entertained (that one was for me).

The thing that is really happening in these situations is that we are shifting our goals in the gap between our expectations and our reality. Your goal isn’t to get home as quickly as possible. Netflix isn’t going anywhere. Just get home safely and when you can, and if possible enjoy the ride. Dream job – maybe your goal should be to find a job that will lead you to the job that will lead you to the job that you really want. And while at Tires Plus, my goal shouldn’t be to kill time as much as it should be how to make the most of my time. 

One last story to drive this point home. Many couples have the goal to get pregnant and have kids. Some couples struggle to achieve this. I have some friends that had that exact problem. But at some point in the process, they took advantage of the “in the meantime” moments. They were able to use their struggle as part of their testimony, to grow more intimate with God, to lead other people through the same problem. Then one day, in glorious fashion, they became parents. But in order to do this, they had to shift their goal…or maybe, they figured out what their goal really was. That glorious fashion wasn’t due to a pregnancy ending in a delivery room experience. It was before a judge in a small courtroom in a small town. In the meantime, they changed their approach. They still became the best parents ever, but it just wasn’t how most couples do it. Because of their dependence on and trust in God, they were able to transition from expectation to reality. 

The greatest example of this that I see in the Bible is written in Romans 5.8, “But God proves His own love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

  • Expectation: To live in relationship with God.

Reality: We couldn’t do it. 

  • Expectation: Sinners pay for their sins.

Reality: God’s patience paved the way for the sacrifice of Christ.