Some are good. We find out things that the person did that mattered, that impacted, that altered courses, that showered generosity without attention. We read things they wrote, produced, created that uncover meaning. The world is blessed by unexpected surprise.
Some aren’t good. We find out things that the person did that shocks, that hurts, that damages, that produces unanswerable questions. We hear things they chose, hid, manufactured that defy understanding. The world is grayed by unexplainable bewilderment.
May we live lives that leave good secrets.
Photo by Nathan Hanna on Unsplash
I heard this quote today during a webinar:
“Men are developed the same way gold is mined. When gold is mined, several tons of dirt must be moved to get an ounce of gold; but one doesn’t go into the mine looking for dirt—one goes in looking for the gold.” -Andrew Carnegie
My mind immediately tried to connect this thought to scriptures like Job 23, Psalm 66, and Zechariah 13. But the context isn’t the same. These writers were referring to the outcomes of testing by fire. The imagery of mining for gold brings out a different challenge, even opportunity.
The webinar focused on a style of coaching labeled compassionate. Bottom-line premise: approach coaching as both you and the coachee looking for gold. Expect dirt moving to be necessary, but be more focused on the gold to be found.
Brene Brown would call this generosity. Regardless of whether we call it generous or compassionate, what might happen if we all approached our relationships and conversations, including self-talk, with such focus? It could impact…
- …how we give employees annual reviews.
- …how we discipline our children.
- …how we chat with our neighbors.
- …how we engage gossip.
- …how we receive, “I’m sorry.”
- …how long we coddle anger.
- …how we analyze guilt.
- …how we pursue dreams.
- …how we set goals.
- …and most impactfully, how we surrender to God’s testing.
Here’s to better and deeper gold looking!
For my second favorite takeaway from Dare to Lead, I’m going to part three entitled “Braving Trust.” This part focuses on the process of trust. Brown’s team identified seven behaviors that make up trust’s anatomy, which she came up with the acronym BRAVING to define. Those seven behaviors are:
After reading the definitions and unpacking of these seven, the one that most challenged me was #7. Read this definition, and you might see why:
Generosity: You extend the most generous interpretation possible to the intentions, words, and actions of others.
There are so many opportunities for us to make up what we think other’s intentions are, why they said what they said, or did what they did. And many of them aren’t based on generosity. Many are based on our shallow trust levels.
So here are scenarios where I’ve put this to the test since reading this:
- When someone doesn’t return my call/voicemail/text/email in the time I think they should
- When someone appears to have over promised…again
- When someone clearly didn’t read all the details of my email
- When someone gives the wrong impression, in my opinion
See what I mean? All these scenarios have potentially opposite outcomes when I practice generosity. Generosity deepens trust and diminishes suspicion or accusation.
Generosity is a gift that can come in various packages. Here’s to offering it more every day.